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Original poster

to be upset about this comment from my mother?

25 replies

Upsetaboutthiscomment · 21/02/2022 22:21

I had my baby girl via c section today.
I sent some pictures and videos to my mother and later on I phoned her.

I said: "she looks totally different to my son" (who is 18 months old).

She then nodded and asked: "does she have a crooked nose?"

I am so upset about this comment, I am sitting on my bed behind the curtain at the moment, crying.

I don't know how anyone can sink so low and make a disparaging remark about a newborn's nose.

OP posts:
MissM2912 · 21/02/2022 22:23

She was maybe worried it had been damaged during the birth. I doubt she meant to be mean.

SparkleSpangle · 21/02/2022 22:23

That is a very weird comment. I'm sure she's beautiful. Don't burn any bridges while the hormones are raging, I expect she said it as a throwaway comment.

NewtoHolland · 21/02/2022 22:25

What an odd comment to make... what else did she say? anything positive?

Bryonny84 · 21/02/2022 22:25

Awww, hugs. You just had a baby. Today!!! Congratulations. I would think you're ultra sensitive, you wanted your mum to say she was beautiful and she comes out with a rubbish comment about noses. That's mums for you! Don't cry. I haven't seen your baby, she'll be beautiful and I'm sure you are too. Tomorrow's another day. You just enjoy being a mum for now.

TabithaTittlemouse · 21/02/2022 22:28

Congratulations on your lovely new baby!

Is your mum always an arse?

ohhooh · 21/02/2022 22:29

Congratulations on your new baby!! 🥳

Ignore your mum, I'm assuming her eyesight is going or similar. Don't give her any of your energy tonight, save it for your LO 🥰

Movingsoon21 · 21/02/2022 22:32

Congratulations OP! You have a beautiful new baby!

Perhaps your mother is like mine - always saying something negative, just out of habit really? Or maybe she is going a bit blind? Or maybe she is a horrible person!? Only you know in your heart which one is true. If it’s the latter then please go LC for your own mental health.

But don’t let it ruin this magical time with your lovely newborn, focus only on her for the time being!

HellonHeels · 21/02/2022 22:33

Congratulations on your lovely baby Flowers

Does your mum have form for making stupid remarks? Try to ignore her, focus on what's real and true - your wonderful new baby is perfect ❤

FantasticFebruary · 21/02/2022 22:34

How can we know without a photo?

Honestly, don't cry! It was an insensitive thing to say, my mum would say something like that. I have trained myself not to! But, sometimes it's on the tip of my tongue. The only way to explain it, is that I'm a fetaiks person and the obvious comments feel too obvious!! But I've learnt to say them anyway.

I'm sure she's absolutely Gorgeous, perfect in fact! But is her wee nose a bit crooked? It might be nothing, but also might be worth mentioning in case there's any issue with breast feeding (if you are)

TopCatsTopHat · 21/02/2022 22:34

Oh dear! Sounds like my mum...all the tact of an anvil and a propensity for asking all the most stupid questions before finally clicking her social graces cog into place and saying the thing she should have said in the first place. Then often realising what she's done and digging herself in twice as deep trying to fix it.
So much easier to eyeroll and share a wry laugh with someone who also recognised yet another clanger special when you're not fragile, freshly post op and swimming in hormones though.
Congratulations on your gorgeous new baby and enjoy every little snuffle and tiny toe.

Tillow4ever · 21/02/2022 22:35

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! You are not being unreasonable to be upset - anyone would be! But unless your mother has a history of being nasty, I'd assume it wasn't meant to be as it sounded (although I'm not sure what she might have meant instead). Isn't there a favourite Mumsnet phrase for this? Something like "did you mean to be so rude?"

Get some rest and hold off talking to your mother until you feel ready to deal with her!

TedMullins · 21/02/2022 22:37

Don’t all babies look a bit squashed and misshapen when they first come out? I’m sure your mum didn’t mean anything malicious by it (unless there is history of her making digs on purpose). It’s the kind of thing my mum would say but she just means it as a statement of fact or even endearingly, like, aww, look at her little crooked nose!

saraclara · 21/02/2022 22:42

I'm going to say that it's the hormones. Presumably the photo made it look as if the baby's nose was a bit bent from the delivery. I don't see anything horrendous about what she said, to be honest. I mean, I wouldn't say anything but I don't think it was meant disparagingly at all. Just an observation. New born babies often get slightly misshapen during birth. Mine certainly did.

NeverChange · 21/02/2022 22:42

Is your mum normally like this? Rude and inconsiderate or is it likely she just had a brain fart.

When my niece was born, my dad, for reasons he still can't explain, asked if she looked at bit "squished". No one had a notion what he meant, now or then, but my sister was horrified & upset. It was his first grandchild too& I think he was just overwhelmed. My niece is now 16 and fabulous and is 100% healthy and normal.

Ignore the stupidity of others. Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter btw.

Thenamegame0 · 21/02/2022 22:42

Mothers can be twats. I'm pregnant and have been feeling a bit tired and low. My mum came down the other day like a seagull, swooped in, squawked and shit everywhere then left again. I have been feeling awful since. They can really knock us sometimes..I'm sure your daughter is lovely, congrats, be happy xx

AngelinaFibres · 21/02/2022 22:56

@TopCatsTopHat

Oh dear! Sounds like my mum...all the tact of an anvil and a propensity for asking all the most stupid questions before finally clicking her social graces cog into place and saying the thing she should have said in the first place. Then often realising what she's done and digging herself in twice as deep trying to fix it. So much easier to eyeroll and share a wry laugh with someone who also recognised yet another clanger special when you're not fragile, freshly post op and swimming in hormones though. Congratulations on your gorgeous new baby and enjoy every little snuffle and tiny toe.
You are my twin. My mother is bonkers/pyschopath/ cow. When I told her I was pregnant with my second baby she said "Well you may as well kill yourself while you're at it" My first pregnancy was difficult but I would have preferred a bland "Congratulations " instead of what I got. When I moved back to my home town after my divorce she was very unhappy about it. After a couple of months ,when me and the children were settled in schools and jobs she said " Harrumph, well I thought you had just come home to curl up and die". Google grey rock Op. It will be a life saver in the months to come.
Sceptre86 · 21/02/2022 22:57

Is she just a bit of an insensitive idiot? My mum said she was relieved my 5 month old is beautiful because her big sister is and she didn't want anyone to compare them negatively. She also remarked that she can tell I'm pregnant because my nose gets bigger (it does but not till the flipping last trimester). I just call her out on her lack of sensitivity every time and she does have rhe commonsense to look ashamed (at least for a while).

Focus on getting rest whilst your in hospital op. Congratulations on the birth of you baby girl. x

Sceptre86 · 21/02/2022 22:57

*you're even.

AlphabetStew · 21/02/2022 23:27

Oh my God @AngelinaFibres that's bloody terrible Flowers

Original poster
Upsetaboutthiscomment · 27/02/2022 19:00

She doesn't have a "crooked nose".

She just has a different nose to my son. I'm white and my husband is Middle Eastern.

My son inherited the nose from our side, which is more of a cute European "button nose".

My daughter's nose is more prominent, and seems to resemble more my husband.

My mother is staying with us at the moment to help out.

She did say that my daughter was beautiful, but she made a couple of comments since I gave birth which seemed like subtle digs at my daughter:

  • "Will that crease on top of her nasal Bridge disappear or will it stay like that?"
  • the comment about her nose being "crooked"
  • "her lips aren't as full as your son's"
  • "her eyelashes aren't as long as your son's"
  • "her eyes aren't as big as your son's"
  • "she looks like a cute bird in this picture"

I know I should be thankful that she's here to help us, but it just upsets me.

They are siblings, they aren't identical twins, they don't have to look identical to each other.

I also find it sad that my daughter is only a few days old and someone is already undermining her and that these comments are coming from my own mother. I want her to become a strong and confident woman, who believes she is beautiful.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 27/02/2022 19:03

Ignore her and remind her we are all unique and beautiful

Tamworth123 · 27/02/2022 19:14

She sounds like a member of the Third Reich eugenics committee.

You poor thing.

Namenic · 27/02/2022 19:50

I guess it depends on your family dynamics and what tone she said it in. My brother said mine looked like an alien or old man. But he said it affectionately - and I knew he meant no harm.

TedMullins · 27/02/2022 23:28

Now you’ve given more context it sounds like there could be racism behind her comments which is an entirely different matter to saying her nose is crooked because she was a bit squashed after being born (which let’s face it most babies are). With this extra information I’ve changed my opinion and think she’s being a dick and you should call her out.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/02/2022 23:31

Send her home now.

If she isn't here to help you and be positive asset to your life then you don't need her then

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