To ask when you first realized you had ADHD as an adult?

[Ooblie]

2dcs recently diagnosed with ADHD, and as part of their assessment process (not in UK), I had to speak at length with a psychiatrist and answer very in depth questions about my own self and childhood.

The psychiatrist pointed out a few things about me and specifically noted in the report that despite being bright and very well able, I had great difficulty focusing in school, and ended up leaving early as a result (before going back and finishing/going to uni as an adult). Also, the psych said that my need for constant organizational tools could be seen as 'leaning into it', because I might not be able to function without it.

Anyway, it's been a bit of a revelation to me and I've been more aware of myself since. One of the main things that has always afflicted me is constant mental chatter/noises/bits of songs and conversations playing on loop in my head, and it's only now that I'm starting to realise that not everyone has this. I also tend to go through passing obsessions, where I'll go down a rabbit hole of something for a while, and then all of a sudden, it will leave as soon as it came.

When I read someone on here talk about it and the light went on. I FINALLY had a reason for everything that was difficult about life.

The hyper focus part is exhausting. Even as I'm doing it I know I'm just wasting my own time.

I thought I had early onset dementia as my memory is so bad. forgetting words mid sentence etc..
that and spending thousands of pounds on the mini obsessions, which were over a few weeks later.

I don’t have a diagnosis but realised quite recently not long after I realised DD has it….Like you OP, I was clever but underachieving at school. It explains so much. I struggle massively with timekeeping, and only seem to be getting worse as I get older. I have always been aware that I zone out and can miss large chunks of a conversation.

I'm in my 30s and only realised within the last few months that I probably have inattentive ADHD. My partner and both of our children (16 and 7) are already diagnosed with it, and it's made my own "issues" with attention and focus (among other things) make a lot more sense.

I doubt I'll go for a formal diagnosis myself, the fact that I know, understand, and accept that about myself is probably all I need. I'm yet to start working on my own self in that regard though as the other 3 are more complex (I.e not just ADHD) and so are the priority. I'll get by ok, so long as they do.

@WillowUfgood I bet your house is fun

My people! Everything everyone has said here resonates with me. Funnily enough, my inattentiveness seems to have gotten a lot worse since I started my current job, which is very busy and has lots of spinning plates. So at work, I'm good and stay extra focused on what needs to be done, but by the evening, my brain is totally fried and I find myself totally zoning out mid sentence 🙈 I also become very sensitive to all noise when I'm tired like this.

Definitely need to look into some strategies to help. I'm ok organization-wise (thanks to a billion lists), but I find what I really struggle with is the exhaustion from the constant brain noise.

It can certainly make things interesting!

In reality though, it's actually pretty exhausting. Even good days are stressful when one or more of us gets overwhelmed with another (noises from stimming, for example) and another either hasn't noticed or has but can't stop. We have to be aware, as much as possible, and try not to trigger each other. Which is even more difficult than it sounds! We all require time outs to just be quiet and alone for a bit. Pretty difficult in a small terrace but we manage lol

Basically I've been signed off work since last January, because I had a breakdown after knowing I was going to lose my job for what I know now is ADHD, I just completely withdrew, and ended up crying screaming in my mums arms why am I like this, why have I lost every job I ever had, why is always the same issues, why is life so fucking hard, I nearly unalived myself because I thought there was no answer, no help, just me as a fuck up of a human. Whilst I was depressed and anxious, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a video of a woman my age, describing ADHD and how it affected her, and it was a light bulb moment, she was describing me, and I did more research, found out that women are less likely to be diagnosed, and all that shit. Then the cost of a society where ADHD in women is ignored, and it all fit into place. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist and he disagreed and sent me to the CBT team. I then found out about right to choose, and wrote a 3 page letter to my Dr, and thankfully he agreed. I was diagnosed in August and started meds a few weeks ago.

It was reading one of the threads that regularly shows up here about how irritating lateness is, and some people said that had ADHD and posted a link to a description of inattentive ADHD, and I cried because it was so clearly a reaction if me, and that meant that maybe I wasn't just a shit person who couldn't be bothered trying do stuff properly but an ok person doing the best she could.

I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar II and it was only in the past few years (I'm now 42) I found out that it is actually ADHD that I suffer with.

ADHD in women is most commonly diagnosed between 34 to 38 years old. Because women are diagnosed so late, they learn to cope/mask and become gifted at thriving in certain situations. People then stop paying attention. Then they finally can't cope any more and inevitably just breakdown. This is what has happened to me and it's caused a major depressive episode. I've been off work since September because I couldn't seem to do the simplest tasks anymore.

@jeffsar4

My son was diagnosed ADD (inattentive ADHD??) a month ago and as part of his process of appointments and assessments I realise that although I have gotten through life ok and ended up in a very good career, I'm definitely on the same path.... I have used lists and organisational tools to get through, thinking I was just super organised, even joking I had 'ocd', when in reality I doubt I'd cope without checking off that I've done stuff - I'm talking 'wake kids up for school' as well as 'prepare for meeting with CEO'. Not going to seek diagnosis as I wouldn't take medication and don't see what other value a diagnosis offers, but nice to believe there's a 'reason' I need to be so focused

Why wouldn't you take medication?

I had inklings a few years ago after I added a certain friend on fb who was diagnosed as a child. He often posts adhd related memes and stuff as he is an adhd awareness ambassador type person.

I was relating a little too much to everything he was posting. I did a bit of my own reading and my suspicions were confirmed last year on the NHS at the grand old age of 31.

It explains an awful lot but doesn't actually make life easier. I was (still am a bit) quite sad and angry that it wasn't spotted sooner so I could have got the help I needed in school and not ended up in a low paid high stress job.

I also feel like a weight has lifted though knowing that I'm not actually lazy/flaky/unreliable /etc because I'm an awful person but because my brain works very differently. And I don't beat myself up quite so much if my crap working memory and time blindness bite me in the arse from time to time.

@SusanSHelit did you just start by going to the GP?

A few years ago I was on a support group for procrastination and someone said she had ADHD and I asked what that was about. When she described it, I thought that sounded a lot like me. So I found an online assessment tool which said I warranted further investigation, but when I looked into getting a diagnosis it seemed it would take years. So I decided to try some of the coping mechanisms said to help people with ADHD and see how I got on.

Well, they helped a bit, but I soon got bored and forgot about them.

A year or so later I was in a binge eating support group and someone asked me if I had ever been assessed for ADHD as there is a lot of overlap with binge eating. I told her about the previous experience and let it go.

A few months after that, one of my colleagues was diagnosed and wrote a blog about it. A lot of that resonated. So then I joined a fb group for women with ADHD and - O my God, they were reading my mind and living my life! The excitement about soo many new things, and inability to stick with them for more than five minutes. The piles of papers, todo lists, endless resolutions to “be more organised.” The unread books. (all of which are so important). The huge effort required to get myself to do something mundane, the almost physical pain of doing it. The birthdays forgotten, phone calls never made, deadlines missed, promises made and never delivered.

Through that group I heard about NHS Right to Choose and used that to get referred to an online psychiatry service and got diagnosed through them last year. I am supposed to be starting on titration for meds, but there has been some back and forth between my GP and the psychiatrist about my ECG results and whether I need a cardiac investigation. So nothing is happening.

But I retired last summer (at 57) because I basically couldn’t hack work any more. I can manage retired life, though, because whenever things get too much, I can just sack something off and get more space.

Just hoping that Covid and Russia between them don’t fuck up the economy so much that our savings and pension aren’t enough to manage on, because I really don’t want to have to get a job again. I like being able to do my hobbies, a bit of volunteering, days out, fun stuff etc. or that we don’t get nuked - that would be a bummer.

@ToooOldForThis yes I just went to gp, said that I suspected I might have it with a list of reasons why, including that I met all of the criteria in the dsmv and I was referred then to the mental health team who got me assessed then diagnosed.

It's taken around a year all in from first contact with gp to diagnosis and I have yet to start meds, but that is partly my own adhd brain has not called the gp back since getting my diagnosis letter so I can book appropriate tests to start them.

I think j have ADHD. Several people this year have told me they think I have it, and WFH has made some of my 'quirks' very noticeable - I now realise that I cannot let people talk and have to get my point out. In face to face meetings I seem to be able to control it but in video calls I have to really, literally, bite my tongue to stop me cutting across people.

I am very anxious about being late and as a result turn up very early, so that confused me a little as I'm not 'scatty' in that way, although I've realised I can't say no to work so end up with 2000 plates spinning in my head for different projects and things I've said yes to and find it impossible to switch off.

I have sensory issues with music too, I find it very irritating when played on our Alexa at home. I get desparate to just switch it off.

Thank you @SusanSHelit!