Year 12 DS showing no interest in university or life beyond school

[walkingoneggshell]

Prior to sixth from he wanted to go to university had an idea of the course he wanted to do. Since he’s started A’levels he seems to be showing less and less interest in life beyond next week let alone what to do when he leaves school. When I try to get him to think about it, he’s not at all keen to engage. It’s making me anxious as I don’t want him to get a few months down the line and have not done everything he needs to do to apply to a specific course if university is the route he chooses. Likewise I don’t want him leaving school with no plans at all. I know he’s young etc but surely he should be thinking about this by now. I need wise words of wisdom.

Happy, healthy and safe is all that matters at that age the rest can happen at any time

Very true!

He's probably met someone special and is distracted/doesn't want to leave.

My y11 is v similar. To those saying university isn't the only route: of course it isn't. But when you have a young person who has zero idea what they want to do, it is hard to know what to suggest or what their options could be. In my case this is coupled with total refusal to discuss any part of it. She was v focused 2 years ago, now her preferences have done a 180, her attitude has totally changed and she genuinely has no idea.

I did a year out as I wasn't sure. I remember one of my so called friends making me feel like a bit of a loser for not being at a good uni the first year everyone else was. Well that year out changed my life and the path of everything else completely to the point that I shudder to think who I'd have been without it. I am so happy in my life and the path it defined for me. I also went on to uni and loved it but it had to be the right time. I 100% appreciate your son's position and I think he's absolutely doing the right thing for him right now. It's natural not to know at his age what his future holds even though the entire world will be pressuring him to come up with something.

Sounds like he needs a gap year. I’d say he was relatively unusual to have known so early what he wanted to do. Try not to stress…!!

[quote walkingoneggshell]@Sarahlou25r no he seems happy. He’s got a good group of friends, a part time job and he’s doing ok at school (could be doing more but that’s nothing new).[/quote]
He sounds fine. Just leave him to figure things out.

He doesn’t need to go to university nor does he need to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life right at this moment.

Most of my peers went straight to university. I worked in bars and pubs for a few years because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I figured it out eventually and now I’m training to do a traditionally ‘professional’ job at the expense of my employer. All my old schoolmates are stuck in jobs unrelated to their degrees, not earning particularly well or with any great potential.

Don’t obsess over the status and tick boxes just let him work it out.

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

My y11 is v similar. To those saying university isn't the only route: of course it isn't. But when you have a young person who has zero idea what they want to do, it is hard to know what to suggest or what their options could be. In my case this is coupled with total refusal to discuss any part of it. She was v focused 2 years ago, now her preferences have done a 180, her attitude has totally changed and she genuinely has no idea.

We (granted with a Year 13, I think I wouldn't be too concerned in Year 11) said that this options when he finishes Year 13 are to go on to university or other form of education/training or get a job (or some combination of these like an apprenticeship). We have been very clear that it's fine not to know what he wants to do longer term and it's fine to do something a as stop gap, but what he doesn't get to do is doss around the house doing nothing while he's figuring it out.

From about March onwards in year 12 is when school 6th forms tend to kick in with UCAS sessions, what is needed in a personal statement sessions, discussions about degrees etc. I suspect once this happens and his friends all start discussing their future plans it will suddenly all click into place for him. Maybe have a look yourself at unis and courses you think he may like so you are prepared should he wish to discuss it and be prepared to attend open days in June this year if you can as it gets very hectic in Autumn year 13.

My DS knew what he wanted to do but still ended up having a gap year. So there is that option too if he can't make up his mind and most schools/colleges will help with "year14" applications if he decides to apply post results.

He's probably a little overwhelmed and perhaps isn't ready to move to the next stage of life. Perhaps he will feel differently in a few months though, or perhaps a year between A-Levels and university, maybe working in his current job, will give him some thinking space.

One step at a time. The most important thing is that he is working for his A levels - that way he will have choices whatever he decides. DD was like this - didn't really know what she wanted to study or where she wanted to go, was carried along in the application frenzy, started at uni and dropped out before Christmas. She had excellent results (in the French Bac in her case) so she subsequently reapplied and has end up on an entirely different course in a different country. She's happy now, but it was bruising and demoralising experience at the time - it would have been so much better if like your DS she had expressed reservations and taken a gap year. Most people on her original course in the UK had taken at least one if not two gap years. It's absolutely fine to say you don't know what you want to do and take some time out to think about it - you do however need good A level results to give yourself the maximum number of options so focus on those.