To talk to friend about hygiene but how

[Lastqueenofscotland]

I’ve got a good friend (for context on the below not elderly and no additional needs) who I’ve known a long while. She’s never been houseproud (understatement…) but she’s always been very proud in her appearance.
The last year or so she’s really stopped caring. I’m not talking like not nice hair and makeup, I’m talking meeting us for drinks in obviously dirty clothes, bad breath, greasy hair and on one occasion she absolutely stank - I’ll sound dramatic here but it made my eyes sting.

I’m worried about her work as she is client/customer facing that it will impact her there.
Myself and a couple of our friends previously have tried to offer assistance with her getting on top of her house but it was not taken well. We’ve not been invited round for ages and wonder if part of why it’s so bad is she’s not able to keep herself properly clean in that space. I really need to say something but I’m worried she’ll take it badly and withdraw from us thinking we are being mean, rather than trying to help! Has anyone been in this situation. And how did you handle it?

Perhaps her situation has got more out of control . You said yourself she has plates in the bath . So if she can’t get in the bathroom to wash or her washing machine is broke she will be dirty and smell . I think you absolutely need to say something but carefully. If her house is vile why is this ? it can’t because she’s lazy it’s part of adulthood but she absolutely needs to get some help this is no way to live you need to help her see this .

I think it has gotten to the point where you don't offer to do the house. You just do it. And be frank about her personal hygiene (not cruel, just honest) and how you are worried. It might effect your friendship but this is a time when you need to risk it.

If it is hoarding then that tends to get progressively worse. As you mentioned the plates in the bath, I wonder if her hoarding has reached a point where she is no longer able to use her bathroom to wash. That could explain the difference. If she is a hoarder then that is a mental illness, and she would need to have therapy as simply offering to help clean up wouldn't help her with the hoarding compulsions.

She must be suffering from depression and life has just got on top of her. Poor woman, is she still holding down her job and does she have children? Very difficult situation and just be there for her as a friend as she is probably ashamed of her house and does not know where to even begin. Just ask her is she ok and you are there for her if she ever needs to talk and see what she says. very difficult one as don't know how would handle this but would just give her a hug and tell her to ring you if she needs you.