To ask your expectations of this gift.

[auntzelda1234]

One of my friends has had a bit of a miserable time of it so for her birthday I was more generous than I would normally be. She wanted to see a theatre show that is on in a city about 2.5 hours away so I told her to keep a night free and booked the tickets and a hotel. My friend was over the moon when she opened her card.

I was speaking to another friend about it and she queried whether I was covering the travel costs (you just turn up and pay on the day) and I said I would. She then asked if I was covering all meals and I said I hadn't planned to. This other friend then told me I was 'out of order' buying someone a gift that would cost them money.

YABU- you should cover all expenses on the trip as it was a gift.
YANBU- the hotel/tickets/travel is the gift and she won't expect you to pay for food/drinks.

I think the tickets and hotel are more than generous. I would say though, fir the avoidance of doubt, that you will cover travel and you'll split the food etc. If I was the recipient, I'd pay for the food

YANBU

I would never expect a friend to cover everything around a gifted ticket to an activity. That’s incredibly entitled!

Why is your other friend so nosey?

But you'd have to be confident they could afford all the extra expenses that go with the ticket and hotel and it's not going to stress their budget.

Food and drinks out can add up significantly so you wouldn't want to put someone in a position where using the gift will cause them difficulties due to these costs.

Unless I knew someone couldn’t afford it or would I struggle then I think its normal and very generous to do what you have

@BarbaraofSeville But if that was the case then surely just adapt to suit budget? If the travel, tickets and hotel are covered by the OP but eating out is going to be a problem for the recipient then swap a restaurant for a picnic, or a Boots meal deal and a bottle of supermarket wine in the hotel room.

If the point of the trip is for the show then it doesn't need to turn into a whole bells and whistles weekend away.

Your other friend has a point only if money if is very tight for the recipient then it would be very hard for them to accept a gift that will cost them money. If they are financially secure however then it’s a wonderful gift and very generous as it is.

My daughter once bought me some theatre tickets for us to go to London. Cost her about 200 and me 300 in train and accommodation and food. She was quite young. I don't think it even crossed her mind.

YANBU

You have already bought a very generous gift. There is no need to pay for drink and meals on top of this.

I've only ever given (and been given) the tickets. If I knew the recipient would struggle to cover the rest I'd think twice about tickets as a gift, but I wouldn't cover it unless it was a very special present for someone very close.

It is interesting that these kinds of trips now seem to require meals out. I live about an hour from London. I and my friends would always eat out before the show now, but when I was a child we were fortunate to occasionally go to the theatre, but it would never have involved a restaurant. We'd either have a day out with a packed lunch or eat before we left home

@DetailMouse

It is interesting that these kinds of trips now seem to require meals out. I live about an hour from London. I and my friends would always eat out before the show now, but when I was a child we were fortunate to occasionally go to the theatre, but it would never have involved a restaurant. We'd either have a day out with a packed lunch or eat before we left home

Because we're staying overnight in another city we would need to eat at 3ish if we wanted to eat at home beforehand.

I wouldn't expect to cover food. Tbh if my friend had explicitly said she'd like to go to that show I probably wouldn't have thought about paying for travel either but it would depend.

@Wannakisstheteacher

Your other friend has a point only if money if is very tight for the recipient then it would be very hard for them to accept a gift that will cost them money. If they are financially secure however then it’s a wonderful gift and very generous as it is.

My friend and I were talking about going to see this show anyway so I believe she did have money for the ticket/hotel.

I would not expect you to cover all meals in this instance no but I do generally dislike gifts that cost me money.

The worst is art - a picture that cost the buyer £30 always costs double that to frame.

@auntzelda1234 YANBU I think you're being very generous. It might be worth making sure your friend know that drinks and food will be split on the day, but otherwise it's a lovely and very thoughtful thing to do for your friend when she's going through a rough time. Have a great time!

YANBU.

I think the "other friend" is green with jealousy and her nose badly out of joint.

[quote ImInStealthMode]@BarbaraofSeville But if that was the case then surely just adapt to suit budget? If the travel, tickets and hotel are covered by the OP but eating out is going to be a problem for the recipient then swap a restaurant for a picnic, or a Boots meal deal and a bottle of supermarket wine in the hotel room.

If the point of the trip is for the show then it doesn't need to turn into a whole bells and whistles weekend away.[/quote]
this totally - eating out can be as cheap as you like