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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New job is a disaster and want to ask my old job back - is it a bad idea?

19 replies

NeedToBeBrave1 · 21/02/2022 12:49

Left a very nice job and more importantly nice team about 4 months ago, it wasn't an easy decision but new job/head hunter did a great job to persuade me, and of course I bear some responsibility too.

I have decided not to stay in my current role, and I keep thinking how nice my old job/team is. I have two choices now, 1) Looking for a new role, which I could. and 2) Email my old boss and ask for my old job back - they postponed the project after my departure.

What I want to double check is, am I romanticising the old job in a nostalgic way? And is it a bad idea to ask my old job back, and how shall I start the first sentence?

Thank you very much.

OP posts:
housemaus · 21/02/2022 13:51

Why did you leave the old job?

What about the new job seemed better?

If it was that old job was great but new job offered a lot more money - well, then it's up to you to decide whether you'd prefer the old salary for a nicer place (I would). And, if this is the case, were you actually being underpaid at the old place and would you be willing to accept that again?

If it's that old job had issues - outdated systems or a rubbish heirarchy or no room to progress - that the new job claimed to solve, then those things will still be an issue if you go back.

Also, you need to think about how having left and come back would affect things in the old role - is there anyone who's likely to have their nose out of joint for having to postpone a project due to your departure? Anyone who's going to consider it disloyal, or assume you're a flight risk? Would it be likely to affect your progression there? And how sure are you that they'd be interested in having you back/would be open to it? I'd be more inclined if I knew they'd welcome me with open arms and couldn't wait, less so if I thought they would begrudgingly as they were struggling to fill the role.

Do you have a professional reputation in your industry that's likely to be affected? e.g. in my industry, certain job roles (BDMs especially) move around a lot and it's not unusual for someone to return to an old employer, but other types of roles it would be very unusual and people would judge it.

housemaus · 21/02/2022 13:52

Sorry - I realise that all looks very negative, it's not meant to! I've been in my role for 11 years, having handed my notice in 3 years in. Changed my mind, was grateful they were open to keeping me in a new, better role, and have progressed massively since then - it was the best decision I could have made. But it wasn't without its challenges.

ImInStealthMode · 21/02/2022 13:56

I did this some years ago. I left my job due to a toxic atmosphere caused by one colleague I really clashed with. Started somewhere new and hated it. As luck would have it, hated colleague also left shortly afterwards, so I returned to my original employer.

12 years later I'm still here and now management level.

If it genuinely was a really tough decision to leave in the first place then I don't think you're romanticising it. If you get on with your old boss could you drop them a line and ask to meet for a coffee? Might be easier face to face.

Rosebuud · 21/02/2022 14:05

Hmmm. I think you bear all responsibility. Not just some. You can ask. Phrase it that you miss them too much and the work, and made a huge mistake even though the job you’ve moved to is awesome, but have realised your home is with them. Would they see fit to re employing you.

You’re a flight risk and have proven not dedicated, so you need to allay that fear. Some companies will take you back, others like mine, the doors stay closed for ever.

Cstring · 21/02/2022 14:07

I think It depends why you left the last one? Also things change, new strategies and approaches, personnel. It could be you are romanticising the lady job?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2022 14:10

What are the issues with your new job?

NeedToBeBrave1 · 21/02/2022 14:28

@housemaus

Why did you leave the old job?

What about the new job seemed better?

If it was that old job was great but new job offered a lot more money - well, then it's up to you to decide whether you'd prefer the old salary for a nicer place (I would). And, if this is the case, were you actually being underpaid at the old place and would you be willing to accept that again?

If it's that old job had issues - outdated systems or a rubbish heirarchy or no room to progress - that the new job claimed to solve, then those things will still be an issue if you go back.

Also, you need to think about how having left and come back would affect things in the old role - is there anyone who's likely to have their nose out of joint for having to postpone a project due to your departure? Anyone who's going to consider it disloyal, or assume you're a flight risk? Would it be likely to affect your progression there? And how sure are you that they'd be interested in having you back/would be open to it? I'd be more inclined if I knew they'd welcome me with open arms and couldn't wait, less so if I thought they would begrudgingly as they were struggling to fill the role.

Do you have a professional reputation in your industry that's likely to be affected? e.g. in my industry, certain job roles (BDMs especially) move around a lot and it's not unusual for someone to return to an old employer, but other types of roles it would be very unusual and people would judge it.

It is a company/team I wanted to join for a few years, and the opportunity finally came up. The office is much closer to my home, i.e. 20 mins walk. and almost 20% pay raise. But once I joined, apart from the salary, I realised that the rest was not as promised. I parted with the old job/team amicably. We still say merry Christmas and one of my colleagues told me that I was missed....
OP posts:
ChampagneLassie · 21/02/2022 14:35

I think you'd need to be very clear why you want to come back, why you left and why that has changed. If you've learned the grass isn't always greener you might now be a much more loyal employee. But expect to eat a bit of humble pie. I presume they didnt try to get you to say, offer to match the salary so expect to go back to what you were on.

sorryiasked · 21/02/2022 14:37

Are you able to approach your current employer re the " not as promised" bits and resolve these?

NeedToBeBrave1 · 21/02/2022 14:41

@sorryiasked

Are you able to approach your current employer re the " not as promised" bits and resolve these?
Already did, but no use (everything was blamed on unexpected restructure). hugely disappointed as lesson learned - never romanticise anything - people or job.
OP posts:
WhatsitWiggle · 21/02/2022 14:53

We had two people leave last year and come back within 3 months. Both left to take promotions and pay rises, so we're under no illusions that they'll likely leave again (no managers are leaving so no opportunity for progression). But in the meantime we've welcomed them back as it's 10x easier than recruiting and training. We had 4 gaps total so to reduce that to 2, even for 12 months, is a huge help.

A third person left, also hates new job, would love to come back but won't accept returning to the lower level of pay.

I'd call your old boss and explain the new role isn't what you expected and is your old role still open? And take it from there.

Hopefullyoneday12 · 21/02/2022 14:57

Yes ask to go back. Why not. It was better than where you currently are and better than rushing in to something else new or being temporarily unemployed.
They'll probably be pleased to have you back!! You already know how to do the job... perfect. I wouldn't feel silly or worried about it, these things happen.

Olinguita · 21/02/2022 15:37

Ask to go back. I was in your exact position a few years ago OP. I left my job for a new role at a prestigious company that ended up being very different from what the recruiter sold it as. I asked my old boss if I could go back and he was delighted. Have been there ever since. I even got a raise

NeedToBeBrave1 · 21/02/2022 16:09

@Olinguita

Ask to go back. I was in your exact position a few years ago OP. I left my job for a new role at a prestigious company that ended up being very different from what the recruiter sold it as. I asked my old boss if I could go back and he was delighted. Have been there ever since. I even got a raise
See, this shared experience really makes me angry as I felt I was simply lie to on many things during recruitment stage. Found out it is all very different once I joined...
OP posts:
Olinguita · 21/02/2022 16:41

OP, I think there is a real problem with recruiters being dishonest or poorly informed about their client. I really feel like I was led astray by mine. I did give them feedback but I don't think they took it on board....

nanbread · 21/02/2022 17:01

You sound pretty unequivocal about wanting to leave.

Are you sure you don't want to go for a different new job? If you loved the old one you would have stayed?

If you're sure you want to go back, I would contact your old employer and explain you realise you've made a mistake in leaving and it's made you appreciate how much you liked your old job and team, and if there's any scope at all in you returning that you'd love to meet for a chat.

nanbread · 21/02/2022 17:02

Focus not on what's wrong with the new job but what you love about the old one.

TheWitchersWife · 21/02/2022 18:41

I do think alot of recruiters lie to get people into a job and then think they have them over a barrel.
I'd ask your old workplace, it can't hurt.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 21/02/2022 18:48

I'd ask your old workplace too. Worse case scenario they say no and you're no worse off.

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