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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fortnite problems

18 replies

CarrieDS · 21/02/2022 11:19

A couple of years back we got my son a Nintendo Switch and he played Mario games, which was okay.
Somehow he was able to download Fortnite himself, it appears to be free and easy to do so. Anyhow, a year or so on from that and he (now aged 9) and his brother (aged 7) are addicted and I'm not sure how to handle the situation.
Some might say "ban it, get rid" etc. and perhaps if I was looking in on someone else's life I may say the same thing. But (1) the love it (2) their friend's play it and they have headphones and talk/ play together and in a way this can be quite sweet. (3) We (parents) are busy juggling them and work - I am currently setting up a business and it is very full on. It offers us some respite, let's be honest....

My main trouble is, they talk about it ALL THE TIME. Everything they do, for example, brush their teeth or get dressed for school is met with "if I get dressed (or whatever) can I play the Switch?" and when I say no, massive sulk/ tantrum.

On holiday we don't take it, and they spend much of the time saying "what can I play, I'm bored".

Last night the boys did a karate grading (getting next belts) which was lovely and as soon as they finished they came running over to me proud and happy, I gave them a kiss and a cuddle and said well done etc etc. and their response was "what can we play when we get home". This means they want to play the Switch. First thing they think about soon as they do ANYTHING now. (This was 8pm so obvs I said no and put them to bed).

This morning I was making breakfast and sorting everything for school, and the 7 year old was saying "what can I play what can I play what can I play".... it's like he knows how to wear me down. I didn't cave but it's just enough to drive anyone completely mad.

I have tried banning it Monday-Thursday which I will do today/ this week. I have to confess I'm not terribly consistent with this.

I have to explain they do do other things:- we take them on nice holidays, they have golf lessons, they enjoy chess and card games and drawings. It isn't EVERYTHING they do but it's casuing issues.

I love being a parent. I love my kids. and (despite all I am saying above) they are good kids. So, this is really making me feel like a failure. This part of parenting, isn't fun. I start thinking... do we move home, get a bigger house with a bigger garden... get them into a better school where there is more focus on other stuff and academic achievements. Then I wonder if running from the problem would solve anything.

Also.... who can I turn to for help? I feel like I need someone to help me!

Any advise appreciated. Thanks.

OP posts:
RishiRich · 21/02/2022 11:54

Have you got the Nintendo parent app? My DS has a Switch and I use the app to:

  • set 'off times' e.g. 2000-0700 so he can't play it overnight
  • limit him to 90 minutes' play each day (he started with an hour but we added on)
  • stop him downloading anything without my authorisation
  • stop him buying anything without my authorisation

It works really well and he knows that if he bothers me for extra time then it will get confiscated for the next day. I do sometimes give him extra time, e.g. on a lazy day in the holidays or for a long journey.

purpleboy · 21/02/2022 12:01

You need much better restrictions for a start, limit their time to 30 minutes or an hour after school and then it goes off, warn them if they moan or tantrum then they don't get to go on it the next day at all.
I get that it's easy to just chuck them on there and you can get on with other things, but unfortunately you are seeing the results of that, and it's not good. Encourage them to do new activities, play a game with them, set up an assault course, painting, baking, drawing. Whatever you can that isn't screen based, you've allowed them too much time unregulated, and it will be hard to cut down, but you have to do it for them.

Original poster
CarrieDS · 26/02/2022 15:54

@purpleboy thank you; I agree, and this is perhaps the advice I would be giving someone, if I wasn't in my position. Have you every tried to give a child fortnite for 30 mins? It doesn't work. Ever.

I am setting up a full-on business (for the £ necessity of all my family), going to meetings, and managing a household (cleaning cooking) and schooling (3 sets of endless homework ages 4-9) simultaneously. "Chucking" them on devices is not done easily, but with endless guilt and stress. This is not what I want for my adorable babies. My kids are everything to me.

I do take them to activities, play games, bake and draw with them as much as I can; but I am one person vs 3 very active - and increasingly demanding - personalities with typically wavering attention spans. They aren't silent beings who just.... silently do what I say.

How does the house stay vaguely hygienic? How do uniforms get ready for next day? How is dinner prepped? How can all this happen while setting up a business if I am out building dens .

Some practical advice of people in same position would be good.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrieDS · 26/02/2022 15:56

@RishiRich no, I didn't know about the app. This sounds really great. So you just download to iPhone and link up to the device? This could be a good solution. Thank you for this practical advice.

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 26/02/2022 16:10

When mine were that age we had a few rules around screen time in the weekend/holidays:

  • not before lunch
  • have to have done fresh air / exercise & something else productive
  • if we were out then asking 'can I have TV when we get home' meant No.

I think you could usefully do with some rules

  • not in the week (because 30/60 mins would be 'not enough')
  • only morning OR afternoon OR evening at weekends
  • list of 'alternative activities' for them to refer to when they can't think of anything else
purpleboy · 26/02/2022 16:59

It is practical advice, it's just hard to implement it, and when you have a gazillion other things to do, I get it, it's hard!
I have been where you are, it's exactly what I did, it was hard but we got there and I didn't make the same mistake with my second.
Having a spotless house wasn't my priority, I knew what I had to do the get her off the screen, I had to put the effort in, even when I was on my fucking knees. Like I say, we got there in the end. I also had a younger child, and ran my own business.
You can do it. Thanks

Heronwatcher · 26/02/2022 17:13

I know it’s hard, but your mindset seems to be that if they’re not playing fortnite then you can’t do anything. Maybe that will be the case for a few days but eventually they’ll find other things to do, like draw, watch normal TV, Lego, nerf etc. And I say this from experience (9 and 7 yr old boys). It’s not one or the other! You’ve got to treat it like any other addiction I am afraid, hard as it is. I think I would go completely cold turkey for at least a week and then re-evaluate- you might be able to reintroduce with very strict limits, but I wouldn’t be in a hurry to do so.

SandysMam · 26/02/2022 17:19

I think you already sound like you have good limits op, they are clearly doing other activities (karate grading sounds great!) and are not on it too much? Some kids are on consoles/YouTube morning til night, with no parenting involved at all. You sound like you have a nice balance plus they are socialising with mates (seems like this is the new “playing out”). Don’t be too hard on yourself, modern life with kids is bloody hard on women particularly trying to do it all, don’t beat yourself up over something that does not sound out of control and makes them happy.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2022 17:21

Set the parental timelimita on the switch. It automatically cuts game off.

OfstedOffred · 26/02/2022 22:02

Have you thought about doing a total technology reset?

Some kids are just more prone to screen addiction and I've found with my DS that the only way to keep it in check is honestly to limit it as much as possible.

Its much harder for me, but it makes a difference in behaviour and attitude.

We now have no screen time at all on a sunday and little on a saturday, ideally 30 mins, max 1.5 hours on a bad day.

In the week some tv gets watched at the childminder after school which is mosrly outside my control, but we only have 20-30 mins tv time and I avoid gaming time completely if possible. It's very hard when juggling work - it required me to put quite a bit of effort in initially to keep him distracted from the reduction in screen time but now I'm am finding he's starting to amuse himself with lego and board/card games.

OfstedOffred · 26/02/2022 22:04

I think I would go completely cold turkey for at least a week and then re-evaluate- you might be able to reintroduce with very strict limits, but I wouldn’t be in a hurry to do so.

This - I did a cold turkey phase but did it in summer as it was easier to distract DS by sending him outside to play.

OfstedOffred · 26/02/2022 22:07

How can all this happen while setting up a business if I am out building dens

If you are trying to wfh with them around, I'd give that up right away. Use after school club or a childminder if you are trying to work.

Batch cook on weekends to reduce meal prep time in the week.

Focus on the essentials when it comes to cleaning/household.

Encourage them to get their own school uniforms/bags etc ready for the next day.

Get 9yo making own packed lunch in morning!!

Notbeinfunnehbut · 26/02/2022 22:08

I’m going against the grain here slightly They’re gaming is how they unwind after a long busy day or socialise
The same way we watch to or have a glass of wine etc

Djdjjfnfndkamamx · 08/04/2022 15:44

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SummerHouse · 08/04/2022 15:56

It will be easier to get rid of it than the constant policing and restricting. Sounds like they are ok with other games just obsessed with Fortnite. I would delete Fortnite and make sure they can't access it, or anything for that matter, without your say so.

KarenMitchell2 · 27/08/2022 12:10

Honestly tell to get a life and go outside. I think touching grass for 2 minutes a day makes so much difference. My kid has gone from weighing 290 lbs to 289lbs in the space of 2 years.

AQuietWalk · 27/08/2022 12:26

I am a single parent, so I get what you are saying. My son played Fortnite for about a year before it became something little kids do and he was old enough to take himself off to the park with his friends. That said, I didn’t let him start playing Fortnite until he was ten - before that he was into Minecraft. But basically, this too shall pass. If the children are having daily exercise, home work is being done, they are well-behaved in terms of helping when asked, you are doing activities at the weekend, and they are going to bed at a decent time, then I would not stress about it too much. I insist on daily exercise, homework being done, and screens off by 9 and he has to clear any new games or online purchases with me. The Fortnite phase will pass.

solarbirdscalm · 27/08/2022 12:54

Fortnite is a 12/13 rating. Its not intended for little kids, however cool they may think it is. Just say no. I would delete it, check ALL the apps and games they have if you have just let them download anything they like and get parental controls over everything.

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