To think DH works far too much?

[SasquatchYeti]

Sorry it’ll be a big long as I don’t want to drip feed. I’ve NC for this.

DH is mid forties and manages a quality team in a scientific industry. He used to work shifts over a decade ago so his sleep is weird tbh; he’s always woken up at odd times here and there before getting back to sleep, etc.

However, with covid, he tells me they’re so much busier now so he’s resorted to falling asleep after work most days ( he caught covid in October this falling asleep has improved but not 100% ) and then waking up in the middle of the night to sign off documents, etc.
When we go to bed together, he tends to wake up very early to catch up.
He has two levels of management working under him and then non-management staff. I have told him numerous times that he needs to pass on some of the workload down, if he can’t get the work reduced but he’s continuing this way. He hasn’t passed any of the increased workload down.

I don’t know how long he can continue like this for. It’s as if he’s living to work currently😢

We’re up north and his base salary is high £40s with his bonus pushing him up into low £50s. We’re based in north eastern England.

He’s also putting on weight due to not allowing himself enough time to exercise and eats late when he’s working late.

In order not to drip feed, he used to do this but it was quite infrequent. We sadly lost his dad a few months ago he’s got much worse.

I’ve found him some jobs in the public sector that I know operate on flexible time so I hope would give him a better work:life balance but he’s adamant there’s a training opportunity he needs, which they have just given him and he feels he can’t turn down.

I also work full in the public sector but have flexi time.

Aibu?

Yabu - that’s normal (Yes)
Yanbu - that’s far too much (No)

To me, it sounds like he's gotten into poor working habits. Not delegating effectively isn't being a good manager. Waking up at crazy times to do work isn't great for his health or your family life.

Like a previous poster said, any replacement worker wouldn't work those hours. Why won't he delegate?

Does his manager know? If I had an employee who worked like that I'd insist it changes. It's unhealthy and his colleagues may start thinking that the expectation.

I'm a firm believer in working only your hours, unless in exceptional circumstances. My partner manages a department and works 9-5.30 most days. Maybe 1-2 times a week will work until 6.30.

Whatever someone's role or salary, it's important they have professional and personal boundaries. And it's up to them to set them.

A huge thanks to everyone who took the time to reply. It’s good (and sad) to know that ianbu thinking he’s working far too much. I intend to sit down with him later this week when the children are in bed for a good heart to heart including practical steps we can take for each other.
Wish me luck!

Good Luck!!!

I agree he works too much. My dh is a social worker and works similar hours for £38k. Worls 9-6 then 11-2am with odd hours in between. At least a half day each weekend day. Plus it's stressful, he's on call on top of that, kids going missing, crimes, drug use etc. He says it's necessary to keep on top of paperwork. I do worry about the effects on his mental and physical health.

I hope you can get him to cut his hours so he has time to switch off, relax, exercise etc. His work is taking over his life. He must have no energy left for anything else.