DD6 is really struggling at school, she's falling behind in school and they say they want to refer her, they're not sure whether it's ASD or ADHD (but without the hyper!) This is mainly due to sensory problems and not being able to focus. She says things to me like when she tries to concentrate her bad dreams come into her head or she hears things like the dangly stars on her shoes bashing about (we have since removed them!)
She speaks so articulately about what is worrying her but when she gets worried she completely shuts down and won't speak or use any sort of coping strategy to get out of the sort of panic mode which she has initiated.
There's no real way of speaking to her about any of this without her getting upset and she frustratingly changes her story too. Sometimes she can't concentrate because of noise, sometimes it's because she can't do it and the work is too hard, sometimes bad thoughts come into her head and tell her that she's rubbish, sometimes it's sensory... the school are pulling their hair out trying to make adjustments but don't know where to start.
And she's just so tormented all the time 
I feel like her whole life is just either anxiety, sort of manic, elated joy or not being able to sit still or disappointment at not being able to do something or even let herself have fun. I see her at parties and she's nervously walking around the outside chewing her hair, wanting to get involved but not quite managing to do it. If I push her she either retreats more or gets upset. I just don't know how to help her.