Hello, I am in my 40’s and have always struggled with life. I don’t completely understand why but have always felt like an alien observing a different species when in a group of people. I just cannot quite connect. I am uncomfortable but do make effort to talk to people (e.g. colleagues, mums at playgroup) but realise the vast majority of people don’t take to me like others even though I do try to be kind. My job is within an emotionally caring profession and I get good feedback from clients that I am empathetic and help them but I realise that is a role. When it comes to socialising/making friends I just can’t seem to do it even though I try. This has been my whole life. I am pretty rigid with my days and get very upset if something goes wrong, e.g. I can’t find a bowl or glass I usually use and can become hysterical, angry, feeling utterly devastated at this type of thing. My husband to be (finally met someone late 30’s) is wonderful but I cannot gain any comfort from him and can only calm down alone in a quiet room. I do become completely hysterical.
I have only just started to explore this over the past year but have been wondering whether this could be autism. This knowledge could reframe my entire life that I have spent feeling isolated, confused, in mental health hospitals… I have read about autism and don’t have any typical special interests apart from practising the piano keenly and loving to study, especially psychology. I am sensitive to smells and certain tastes and jump sometimes at sounds others haven’t noticed.
There is probably more but I’ll leave it there. Does this sound familiar to anyone. I am tired of feeling different from every person and not understanding why. Thank you.
Could this be autism?