To be worried about going out for lunch?

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Context; I have severe anxiety/CPTSD and hardly ever leave the house - even less so alone . I don’t really have many friends, etc .

I have got one very close friend, she’s a good bit older than me and I see her as being like a second mum type figure . She’s absolutely wonderful, love her to bits and am so lucky to have her .

She’s suggested we go out for lunch together next week, I’d have to take a bus to see her (about an hour) and then a short walk to meet her - then find somewhere nice .

I would love to see her, and I’m really looking forward to catching up but I’m worried too . I’m grossly fat, I’m permanently anxious/depressed just now and she’s very well put together - always smells of Chanel, posh clothes, expensive handbag and then here’s me with whatever was on sale . She’s confident - but I am always worrying, to the point of having been in and out of adult mental health services for years .

She wouldn’t suggest we go out if she didn’t want to see me I suppose but Im having a complete confidence crisis - and not sure what to do .

I can’t afford to go out buy a brand new outfit, etc, I’ve got some clothes that suit me and I’ve got plenty make up etc, but I’m just feeling shit about myself for some reason . I’m scared when we do go out I’ll have a panic attack on the bus or something and make an idiot of myself.

I don’t want to cancel, I just don’t want to look an idiot .

💐 for you OP, well done for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and agreeing to meet your friend.

Try to focus on items that will make you feel more comfortable. Can you not find a venue closer to you? Personally I would feel less anxious if I had an easier journey and had the venue preselected, so I can mentally envision where I am going.

Pick out an outfit from the bits you have that suit you so that you feel comfortable in that. If you can afford it / manage it maybe have your hair blowdryed? That always makes me feel more confident.

This might not be any help, but I really do feel for you, OP. I went for counselling years ago. I was having terrible panic attacks. I told my counsellor I was worried about going to a particular place. She said, ‘What’s the worst thing that could happen?’
I said, ‘I’ll really panic. I’ll just keel over right there in the street.’
To which she replied, nicely and with a shrug, ‘But then someone will pick you up.’

I often think of this when I’m anxious.

Go, OP. Your friend loves you and wants to see you. If you wig out on the bus, someone will pick you up. You’ll be fine. And after you’ve had a lovely time with your friend, you’ll go home and have that lovely memory and feeling of accomplishment.

I think that you’re really brave for making plans with your friend 😊. You’re right, she DOES want to see you so try not to talk negatively about yourself! For every negative thought you have , try to balance it with a positive thought, eg, my friend has fancy clothes …I have clothes that I like myself in too.

I know you don’t have money for a new outfit but could you stretch to one thing that will make you feel more confident? A haircut/blow dry? A new bag (don’t have to spend a lot), a new lipstick? Nail varnish?

I find it helpful to remember that our thoughts and fears aren’t fact. Just because you’re worried about having a panic attack, it doesn’t mean that you will! The pp is right…if you do happen to have a panic attack, people are likely to be concerned and look after you. Could you wear headphones on the bus and listen to meditation/calming music?

Hey, that sounds great going to meet a good friend for lunch, I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

7This is going to sound really daft but it works for me. Firstly, you don't look anywhere close to as bad as you think you do, promise. Second, for a few hours before you're due to meet up or the day before deliberately look far away from your best, don't wash your hair, no make up, scruffiest clothes you own etc etc. Then when you're getting ready, screw a new outfit pick something out that you feel good in, maybe something you've worn that's gotten a nice compliment or an outfit that you've caught your reflection in n thought hey not bad. When you're all dressed and sorted with your hair washed n make up on in the clothes you've picked out, you'll feel good about yourself, you've gone from shlubbing about on purpose to fit af. I hope you have a lovely time

I went out for dinner with three friends recently. When we sat down, I realised due to the position of the speakers and a large family on a neighbouring table, that I was going to really struggle to hear them clearly.

I asked if we could move tables and we did; as I sat down I apologised again and one said not to worry, that she'd been concerned she would be cold at the first table and was glad we'd moved.

Tell your friend your concerns. She obviously wants to see you and I hope you have a lovely time.