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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH looking through previously watched/listened

126 replies

Jusmeee · 20/02/2022 20:16

It’s driving me around the bend, if it’s what I’ve been listening to on Spotify, Netflix, 4oD etc. He always has a flick through what has previously been watched and if there is anything unexpected I get questions.

Oh you were listening to this song, or oh did you watch that show. Feels like I have to justify everything and it makes me not want to watch what I want as I’ll get questioned on it later.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 20/02/2022 20:18

Is he using it as a conversation starter or getting you to justify what you are doing with your spare time?

ModerationInEverything · 20/02/2022 20:22

My husband ISA but like this with food. What did you have for lunch? Etc.i don't think it's meant to be controlling I think it's because he likes food and he's just interested. Also because he does the food shopping. Perhaps your DH is looking for something to watch/listen to/read and is looking for inspiration?

LampLighter414 · 20/02/2022 20:23

Any special occasions coming up? Might be looking for ideas for concert tickets or what type of shows you're a fan of for merch or events etc

FetchezLaVache · 20/02/2022 20:24

Pretty worrying that it's making you think about changing your viewing/listening behaviour. Is he controlling in any other way?

Justkeepon · 20/02/2022 20:25

Is he possessive OP? Controlling? Completely depends on what he's like generally?

Original poster
Jusmeee · 20/02/2022 20:36

I’d love for it to be harmless. He has been known to look through internet history and does get jealous.

Once there was a show deemed questionable on 4oD that had been watched and I got the third degree over it. I’d not watched it but got the Spanish Inquisition anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jusmeee · 20/02/2022 20:39

It could just be a conversation starter.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 20/02/2022 20:43

It would bother me at all. Does he mind if you do it to him? I'd stick a few "interesting" things in your history.

Original poster
Jusmeee · 20/02/2022 20:46

He wouldn’t care if I did it to him. I’d get never ending questions if I did watch anything of that nature!

OP posts:
Arabellla · 20/02/2022 20:49

It’s controlling. What would happen if you said ‘mind your own business, I’ll watch what I want’ ?

SpinsForGin · 20/02/2022 20:50

This is not normal.

Chloemol · 20/02/2022 20:51

Just say yes that’s right, and change the subject

If he continues just say you watched it,you liked the programme and you are not answering any more questions
on the subject

Cant you just clear your history?

Justkeepon · 20/02/2022 20:56

Fuck that OP it's just another way of him controlling you - I wouldn't ignore this, you're a grown woman and can watch whatever you want without some man child checking up on your watch history and questioning you. His behavior is strange and obsessive. I couldn't be with someone so pathetic.

WonderfulYou · 20/02/2022 20:59

Is he using it as a conversation starter or getting you to justify what you are doing with your spare time?

I’ve not voted as it entirely depends on why he’s doing it.

I can’t see it being controlling as what’s the point, he doesn’t gain anything from it.

Have you asked him outright why he does it?

allgreythings · 20/02/2022 21:00

Bizarre who has time to do this. He sounds like a weirdo
What useful traits does he have?

Justkeepon · 20/02/2022 21:01

I can’t see it being controlling as what’s the point, he doesn’t gain anything from it.

He gets to question the OP in a rage of jealousy if she's watching anything (I'm assuming containing sex scenes etc) same reason he checks her Internet history

Awrite · 20/02/2022 21:04

I find this behaviour shocking.

I might tell dh about something I've watched or listened to but there's a snowball's chance in hell I'd tolerate him snooping. Total steamrollering of boundaries.

ButtockUp · 20/02/2022 21:06

Sounds a bit 'off' if I'm honest.

goingback · 20/02/2022 21:21

He would get told to Fuck Off in this house

pistolknight · 20/02/2022 21:27

What programme could be remotely questionable for an adult to watch unless it's A Serbian Tale or the like? Confused it's controlling

Original poster
Jusmeee · 21/02/2022 09:01

Naked attraction had been part watched which led to a lot of shittiness.

Even if there is nothing untoward on there it feels like you are living your life under a microscope.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 21/02/2022 11:05

Well, it begs the question as to why he thinks you are answerable to him about what you watch on the TV!

Original poster
Jusmeee · 21/02/2022 11:11

Well I got very snappy with him over it and now he thinks I'm being shady about it.

OP posts:
Featuredcreature · 21/02/2022 11:14

I'd tell him to get to fuck. I would never watch what I wanted when I was with my ex, always waited until he was at work. If I put some music on whilst cleaning, he would always switch it to something he liked (awful widdly arsing prog shit).

It's so controlling what he is doing, your mind is your own and you can think and watch whatever you like, without being given the third degree like a child. Change your passwords for everything and log out when you are finished, it's none of his business .

Chocolateis1ofyour5aday · 21/02/2022 11:15

I'd ask him why he feels so insecure about your relationship that he feels he had to check. I'd find that a big turnoff tbh!