Feel like I've failed my DS

[bubbletrouble18]

I posted on another thread but there's not much traffic, so thought i would try AIBU. Sorry.

DS is nearly 5 and in the last 6 weeks we've noticed his behaviour has become out of control. I have spoken to his teacher about this who agrees that it's very hit and miss with him, he has full potential but his behaviour is holding him back. I've contacted the school nurse who is going to hopefully get back to me next week, and his teacher has also contacted her.

DS behaviour is always 100mph. Everything has to happen straight away. He doesn't walk, he sprints. Anger is rage, throwing, hitting, spitting, screaming. Happiness is screaming at the top of his lungs and running around at the speed of light. Sadness is sobbing, taking himself off and not wanting any comfort. He hates the attention being on anyone else. If DH and I are chatting, he stands between us talking over us, or starts doing something that will catch our attention (like drawing on walls). He is very rough with his little brother who is 11 months. I've wondered if it's a bit of a delayed response to suddenly having a sibling, but he has always been lovely with his brother and very caring/good at sharing.

No matter how much we take him out, what we do, where we go, how long we do it for, he NEVER runs out of energy. Our living room is an assault course for him, his bedroom is a fighting ring and he cannot sit still or concentrate on ANYTHING for more than 5 minutes. I don't think I've ever seen him sit still for more than that. If we don't get what he's asked for or do what he wants within a second he will run off to his room screaming and having a tantrum. I never leave him to it and always try to comfort/reason with him and tell him how much I love him and how I understand things can be hard sometimes.

He also doesn't stop talking, I mean does.not.stop. Even if he's using the toilet, he talks, brushing his teeth, he talks, eating, he talks.

He is such a lovely, caring boy, and he is so bright. Amazing with his reading and writing, his maths is coming along really well and he's never missed any milestones or regressed. He gets 11 hours of sleep at night, and a good diet (we've become very strict with sugar/unhealthy snacks).

I'm at a lose. I feel like I've failed him, and failed everyone. I'm trying so hard to be firm but fair, burn his energy, take him to all sorts of fun places, let him have some calm time, he has a good routine, a good social circle etc.

What am I doing wrong?? Do I need to speak to his HV/GP also? I'm really struggling as I'm starting to worry every single morning about what the day will bring.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just desperate.

I would bet money on him having ADHD. My DS is 9 now but he was your son's age, maybe a year younger, when we noticed the same behaviour and he was diagnosed with ADHD. Definitely speak to the school nurse and get him on the pathway to being assessed.
And just to clarify, you are a fantastic mother. You haven't failed him. If he has ADHD or even ASD, that is all to do with the makeup of his brain. It is hard, but it 100% is not you failing him in any way, shape or form.

Sounds just like my DD1 who was a whirling tasmanian devil from birth!
She was formally dx with ADHD at 6 (and medicated).. later added in ASD.
Medication was a game changer for us.. it transformed her!
She's now an adult with ADHD and ASD. She's also a doctor! Incredibly bright, incredibly compassionate, complex, brilliant at her job but a pain to live with!
My other three kids were completely different, with the same parenting!

Hang in there, but yes get the ball rolling for assessment!

You haven't failed him! Sounds a very difficult situation even if he is kind. It must be exhausting. The fact that you're trying to get some help for him shows you are a good parent. Hope you get some clarity soon.

Thank you all so much! I keep being told that they won't do any diagnosis until he is at least 6 which makes me anxious, however I'm hoping that if I keep pushing and stay persistent with the school/GP we will get some answers.

I spoke to DH last night about if there was an ADHD diagnosis how he would feel about the medication and he was very hesitant which I understand. However, I'm hoping if we ever got to that point we'd be a lot better informed and could make the right decision for DS.

@peanutbutterandbananas thank you so much for your advice and words of support. I definitely agree about it being trial and error. We've definitely found that shouting is not the way, as it seems to over stimulate him and make the situation worse. Whereas being firm, calm and very very clear with what we are seeing does the trick. I think the thing we're struggling with is finding the right balance between keeping him occupied without overdoing it. It's a very fine line, as too much can have the opposite effect we want.

It's just a terrible feeling I have at the moment because I can see him fighting his own emotions, as if they confuse him and he doesn't know how to express them. It must be so overwhelming and isolating, which is why I'm keen to get any and all the support I can for him and DH and I.

Thank you all again xx

My younger sister never went to college then University till she was in her 30,s and now she's a successful counsellor don't feel you've failed they all take different routes to success .