I lost my mom at Christmas to cancer, four days after her funeral my dad also got diagnosed with cancer. During this time me and my boyfriend also split up. I was my moms main carer and was there when she died. I genuinely don’t know if I am mostly depressed or whether I’m still grieving?
I struggle to motivate myself to do the things I really enjoy, I love the gym but have lost all enthusiasm for that, I love taking my dog out hiking but I’m struggling to motivate myself for that too. When I do go and do these activities they make me happy but it’s just doing it in the first place. Once I’m finished and get back I feel very sad again. I just want to lie in my bed and sleep the world away. I have bouts of feeling extremely sad and overwhelmed. I’ve only felt suicidal once and that’s when I got drunk at a friends leaving do and wanted to end everything. I didn’t do anything but the thoughts were there. I have now quit drinking and no longer drink as I don’t know what I would do to myself if I was drunk. I just don’t know whether I’m grieving or have mild depression. My anxiety is also awful I constantly feel like everyone around me is either going to die or leave me. I have never experienced these feelings before, I feel completely battered.