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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Helping a friend with boundaries AIBU

2 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 20/02/2022 17:48

About a friend.

She has a history of attracting awful men and equally awful friendships. Knew her since University. Usual history of low self esteem, poor self image and lack of boundaries. Past 18 months since the end of her last relationship I have been helping her loads and she has helped herself to get in a good place.

She had an awful friend (B) who used to come around hers all hours crying over some guy, she used to call my friend screaming incessantly to cry over guys - even once turned upto her work place in the middle of the day hysterical. My friend whisked her away for support when her last relationship ended to France and was so supportive. B gets into a new relationship and ends up engaged after 6 months shortly after this trip. She promptly starts to ditch A and distance herself - seeing A twice during lockdown when she knows A is living herself. She asks A to be Bridesmaid at her wedding - despite hardly speaking to her for a year or two and mainly conversing with her through text. Prior to this she called her constantly, she was now Cancelling her phone calls etc. I guess that can happen during new relationships but as A had acted as dial-a-therapist/doormat for several years prior to this I felt it was a bit off.

There was various examples of bizarre text message threads I seen B send A - all very disrespectful and almost mocking her.

One involved a shooting locally where B said A ‘Just checking you are OK and not finally gone mad and became the shooter’. I did not see anything remotely funny about this - especially as A has had such a hard time and was very isolated. Another example is when A and I went on a weekend away and B felt the need to text her ‘I feel so sorry for you, you are so desperate to start a family and find a husband but you cannot seem to find anyone and everyone else can. What ashame’. I was LIVID as were others.

At this stage A was still in denial. I explained to her my concerns about this friend and towards the end of last year she finally cut contact after more bizarre text messages. A was devastated and spent weekend in bed, she had been very close to B at some points. She is now riddled with guilt about not being in contact with her, as if she is doing something wrong.

AIBU to want to really give her a reality check - this woman is not her friend, never was and was always using her? Or should I continue the softly approach. I want to slap them both, for very different reasons obviously.

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 20/02/2022 19:02

I don't think you can change A perception at the moment. Just being there for her will be enough for now. B sounds a vile person who obviously has her own demons, she doesn't strike me as happy to make comments like that to A.

Trippingslippingx1 · 20/02/2022 19:19

She cannot be happy I agree - it is obvious she used my friend when she was down on her luck and then used her to mock her when she was down on hers. I am LIVID

OP posts:
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