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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not want spend my birthday with pil

25 replies

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:33

Just that really, mil announced she had booked to come and stay that weekend, aibu to want them to move it another one

OP posts:

CrimbleCrumble1 · 20/02/2022 16:34

No you are not being U.

PolkaSpace · 20/02/2022 16:35

Course not. Why didn't you or OH say OH we already had plans for that weekend how about the next one?

SickAndTiredAgain · 20/02/2022 16:35

Booked to come and stay with you? Without checking? Birthday or not I think it’s reasonable to find that annoying, they can’t just announce they’re coming and you’ve got to just accept it, regardless of other plans.

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:37

It took my oh by surprise I think he didn't really know what to say. Not stay with us as we have no space but close by

OP posts:

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:38

I feel like it's going to cause a fall out when he tells her to change it and I suppose that makes me feel anxious. She has never fell out with us but ive heard about other falls outs

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2022 16:40

Why don't you just tell her that weekend doesn't work for you because you have plans? She's the weirdo who made plans to visit without even asking first.

betwixtlives · 20/02/2022 16:40

They’re not staying with you so what’s the problem? You dont have to change your plans

Nadjahomesoil · 20/02/2022 16:41

Tell them you've already made plans for that day and won't be home.

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:44

@betwixtlives

They will expect to be here all day til about 10 and I would like to maybe go out and do something for my birthday!

OP posts:

betwixtlives · 20/02/2022 16:45

[quote WishIwasElsa]@betwixtlives

They will expect to be here all day til about 10 and I would like to maybe go out and do something for my birthday![/quote]
So tell them you’re busy that day 🤷🏽‍♀️

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:51

Perhaps I aibu in feeling bad for oh that he has to tell her this and worrying about the fall out 😂

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2022 16:55

But you can't live your lives doing whatever whenever she wants or risk a fall out!

PinkSyCo · 20/02/2022 16:55

Maybe she’s got plans to take you out for your birthday meal or something?

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 16:57

Pinksyco

Possibly although unlikely and tbh I still woundt want to spend it with them 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/02/2022 16:59

@PinkSyCo

Maybe she’s got plans to take you out for your birthday meal or something?

You only get to make plans for your own small children.

DH needs to say that he’s now checked the calendar, and its not a good weekend. She’ll need to move it if she’s hoping to see you.

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 17:05

@MichelleScarn

Im embarrassed to say I have done this most of my life with ppl who are known to be difficult. But as I've got older I realise I mam then resentful and grumpy so trying to stop this now and put myself first.

OP posts:

StoneofDestiny · 20/02/2022 17:08

Just tell them you have plans already and suggest a different date to them. Never mind the fall out - it's their issue not yours, they can't just invite themselves to stay and over ride your arrangements. Say no and stick to it.

Chatwin · 20/02/2022 17:11

I don't understand why its so difficult just to say you have plans that weekend and to suggest an alternative date?

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 17:14

@Chatwin

It shouldn't be difficult, I have always gone along with things to keep the peace. I think it's because I am aware she can be difficult and cause a fall out and I don't want that to happen its giving me anxiety thinking about it

OP posts:

HelloPanda12 · 20/02/2022 17:17

Just say you’ve got plans and won’t be available to see them much on their visit so could they change to another date so you can plan something for all of you. How can they be mad at that?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 20/02/2022 17:24

Hi PIL
so sorry but just checked the calendar we have long standing plans we cannot change with friends as its my birthday weekend,We will re arrange something soon!
Love
xxxx
easy peasy,

perimenofertility · 20/02/2022 17:24

Surely DH can just call back and say you actually have plans and he forgot earlier because he was caught off guard?
Or, if you have kids, use PIL as babysitters?

Gilly12345 · 20/02/2022 17:30

Tell in-laws you have birthday plans and you are away for the weekend, eg theatre tickets, meal out with friends.

What makes them think you want to spend your birthday with them?

Make your own plans and tell them you will see them another weekend.

Original poster

WishIwasElsa · 20/02/2022 17:36

I think I will make some firm plans rather than just going with the flow so to speak. I have no idea why she thought I would like this tbh. I don't think she is very aware or others 😂 If I have proper plans it will make it easier for oh to tell her she needs to reschedule 😊 is she wants to fall out with us over that so be it. Thanks all for helping me to see Ianbu in any way.

OP posts:

PolkaSpace · 20/02/2022 17:59

Can he not just say oh I forgot I'd planned to take you out/away for your birthday so can you rearrange? Why is he so scared of his parents? I don't mean that in a rude way. But are they scary people?

Flip