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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban adult DD from flammables.

22 replies

auntzelda1234 · 20/02/2022 13:55

My DD is 19 and lives with me but works full time and pays digs.

She has recently discovered her spiritual side and has become really into meditation, crystals and tarot.

I don't tend to go into her bedroom but she shouted me last week to show me something and while I was in I noticed the carpet has scorch marks. She sheepishly told me she'd dropped a candle. The edge of her desk is also scorched.

Last night I was watching tv and DD was in her room and set the smoke alarm off. She asked me not to come inside her room as she was doing something private but the hallways stinks of incense and what smells like burnt paper.

Do I ban candles/incense from the house before Sabrina the teenage witch burns the house down? Or do I just ask her to be less careless?

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 20/02/2022 13:58

Did she offer to pay for the damage she caused?

Somuddled · 20/02/2022 14:00

I think any person in a household loses the right to privacy when they are doing something which sets off the fire alarm. So if I were you, I would have walked right into her room.

Original poster

auntzelda1234 · 20/02/2022 14:01

@Justmuddlingalong

Did she offer to pay for the damage she caused?

She has not. I wouldn't be rushing to replace anything at the moment anyway.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 20/02/2022 14:01

I'd talk to her and say you prefer her not to use candles/flames/insense in the house. Quote fire stats

T00Ts · 20/02/2022 14:02

Yes. Before she burns your house down. If she wants to perform rituals, she can do it outside. Or ultimately, in a home of her own.

NameChangeNymph · 20/02/2022 14:02

Do I ban candles/incense from the house before Sabrina the teenage witch burns the house down?

😂 I would OP, she's going to set the place alight! Once is an accident, twice is just careless.

CounsellorTroi · 20/02/2022 14:03

@T00Ts

Yes. Before she burns your house down. If she wants to perform rituals, she can do it outside. Or ultimately, in a home of her own.

Or use LED candles.

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 20/02/2022 14:04

Yeah it doesnt sound as if shes being safe with them at all so I would have to ask her to do any spells or ceremonies in the garden in future

Palavah · 20/02/2022 14:04

Check the terms of your home insurance.

Florenz · 20/02/2022 14:05

Are you sure she isn't smoking cannabis and burning incense to mask the smell?

Original poster

auntzelda1234 · 20/02/2022 14:06

@Florenz

Are you sure she isn't smoking cannabis and burning incense to mask the smell?

Very sure.

OP posts:

HelloKeith · 20/02/2022 14:07

Can you buy her a fire blanket?

melj1213 · 20/02/2022 14:16

Burning something once is an accident, anything more is deliberate carelessness. Equally you have to produce a lot more smoke than just burning an incense stick or couple of candles to set off most domestic fire alarms (unless you literally put them under the detector)

I would tell her that she can't burn things in your house if she is going to set the fire alarms off - I have heat and smoke alarms in my flat and I burn multiple candles and occasionally incense in the evenings and have never set the alarms off even once with them

Comedycook · 20/02/2022 14:18

Never have candles in the house. Just an unnecessary risk imo. If she's being careless then definitely not

SquishySquirmy · 20/02/2022 14:27

YA definitely, definitely NBU to ban flammables in her room.

Someone I knew at school burnt their parents house down as a teenager!
Cant remember full details, but I think a candle was left burning by accident. Luckily no-one was hurt but the house was completely burnt to the ground (as in had to be rebuilt). All possessions lost. Could have been so much worse though.

I think a "no flammables in bedrooms" is a very sensible house rule, even for adults.
At least if a candle is downstairs in a shared area of the house, there are more eyes on it iyswim, and less chance of it being left unattended.

Also drum into her that candles etc should ONLY be used if there is zero chance of a fire spreading- ie, well away from curtains, papers, decorations etc. They should never be left unattended.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 20/02/2022 14:31

Do I ban candles/incense from the house before Sabrina the teenage witch burns the house down? Or do I just ask her to be less careless?

As she’s already has several accidents that could have ended with your house burning down, I don’t think asking her to be more careful is going to work. Banning her from using this stuff would be the only workable solution. I’d be raging if this was my daughter, she’s lucky you haven’t lost your shit with her.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 20/02/2022 15:04

One must assume that she used the wrong mantra and inadvertently summoned up the God of Hellfire.

Easily done.

OneTiredMam · 20/02/2022 15:17

YANBU, she's going to end up burning your house down by the sounds of it.

FireInCairo · 20/02/2022 17:35

Just tell her no matches or lighters and no lighting anything

Simple as that. There's no way I'd allow it - too risky. Don't care how old she is

PS do you like my user name 😀

cadburyegg · 20/02/2022 17:37

YANBU. My parents didn't allow me to have candles and I never had an accident with them or damaged anything. I didn't fully agree with it but looking back, I was a bit of a careless teenager so I can see their point. Their house, their rules.

Duchess379 · 20/02/2022 17:51

Buy a fire extinguisher. Next time the fire alarms go off, spray her & offending candles/incense with it. 😉

Original poster

auntzelda1234 · 20/02/2022 18:36

@Comedycook

Never have candles in the house. Just an unnecessary risk imo. If she's being careless then definitely not

I’m a big fan of candles myself and have a lot dotted around the house but only have any lit ones in the living room.

I’ve told her to try and summon the gods in the garden or without any flames indoors

OP posts:

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