To be fed up of being the gatekeeper of household jobs?

[Sofiegiraffe]

I feel like I carry 100% of the mental household to do list at any given time, and I have to communicate this to DP for him to be aware of it. E.g "x and y need doing - shall I do x and you do y?"

He will happily crack on with x or y if I identify that it needs doing. But he won't necessarily recognise that it needs doing if I don't say it. Then he'll come back to me and say: "i've done y now, anything else you want me to do?" I find this exhausting. I want him to say: "I did y and I saw that z needed doing, so I've sorted that too".

However, I feel like I shouldn't complain as we have a young DC and does probably 80% of the night wakings because sleep deprivation causes my mental health to deteriorate whereas he copes better with it. He also works FT.

AIBU to be fed up about being the gatekeeper of household tasks, when DP (a) does the jobs when I mention they need doing, and (b) does most of the nights wakings with our baby? Or should he still be sharing some of the mental load regardless?

I forgot to mention in my OP that I work PT currently following my return from mat leave but will be FT in April onwards.

I have the same with mine but he does the things that he’s told to do. Yes I feel like the household manager, and that in itself is extra work. It also means I’m in charge though - which has its benefits too. As part of the bigger picture though, being his manager is a mild annoyance.

He’s an excellent DH, even if I do have to remind him that he has 6 empty glasses on his nightstand

@DogsAndGin

It is definitely annoying! I often say to him I'm not sure who made me the boss, why are you asking me what needs doing? To which he'll reply "because you always know". 🙄
Yes - because I have to as no one else does!?

I sometimes roll my eyes at having to run our house, BUT, I think that meeting someone who has the same standards / priorities / ways of working as you is very rare.
And I would absolutely hate DH to be household manager, so I think I've got the best option really. Plus I get him to do the jobs I really don't want to, like getting the mice from the garage and putting stuff in the attic.

YANBU though I am glad you recognise what he does in other things. I wonder why he does not notice or act independently.

Try this. I posted it when my friend made a similar complaint and her partner read it and the lightbulb went on. He sincerely apologised and said he’d pull his finger out.

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/