Mother with selective covid anxiety

NETSRIK · 2022-02-20T09:05:55+00:00

How would you feel if your mother (lives 2 hours away) both parents still alive, in late 70's/early 80's) said that she would rather I didn't come and visit for an afternoon because she would prefer further covid restrictions to be lifted (I'm in England) and doesn't want to take any risks. This was sent to me in a message by my mother who when I called to ask her about this yesterday and what restrictions she meant , I was told by my Dad that she was at a very busy indoor shopping centre visiting an optician. On a Saturday, on a bus, on the busiest day of the week. So a woman who says she has covid anxiety says she can't see her daughter who she hasn't seen for 6 months because of this yet can visit a busy shopping centre. Also, visit coffee shops and M&S? Would you be a little bit pissed off with this?

LawnFever · 20/02/2022 09:07

I’d just straight call her out on it and see what she has to say for herself

Ukholidaysaregreat · 20/02/2022 09:38

Hahaha! I know people like this. Staying in and wiping down all the shopping and the next thing taking a flight for an all inclusive abroad. See what your Mum has to say about it. Communication is key.

CruCru · 20/02/2022 09:45

I’ve found quite a few people are quite inconsistent. I know someone who is fine with going to stay in someone else’s house but won’t even consider using public transport or going into a restaurant.

It’s possible that your mum has broken her glasses or just plain can’t see any more so a trip to the optician really is essential.

yoyo1234 · 20/02/2022 10:00

Saturday appointments are like gold dust here so she would most likely have picked that day and should know that it is likely to be a busy time. There is a lot of selective Covid anxiety going on within my family/in laws which really frustrated me.

tiredanddangerous · 20/02/2022 10:02

You have just described my DM! Happy to eat out at busy restaurants on a Saturday night but won't let me or my dc into her house. I have no idea what the logic is there.

Original poster

NETSRIK · 20/02/2022 10:04

@CruCru

I’ve found quite a few people are quite inconsistent. I know someone who is fine with going to stay in someone else’s house but won’t even consider using public transport or going into a restaurant.

It’s possible that your mum has broken her glasses or just plain can’t see any more so a trip to the optician really is essential.

Her glasses aren't broken and she can see perfectly with all the pairs she has.

OP posts:

Shmithecat2 · 20/02/2022 10:07

My mil is the same. I tested +ve on the 7th Feb. Have been negative since the 15th. She won't come and visit us/DH (who is abroad most of the year) this coming Thursday 24th . Will still shop at Waitrose and get her weekly blow dry at her regular salon though.

JaceLancs · 20/02/2022 10:09

I know so many people with selective covid anxiety - drives me potty
Sadly there’s not a lot you can do apart from call her out on it

NotMyGenderGoblin · 20/02/2022 10:13

I've said YABU. She has given you the perfect excuse to avoid seeing her any time it suits you to avoid seeing her, that is a valuable thing. "Sorry, I can't come, I know you're worried about covid and I had to do some relatively risky things the last day or two so it would be completely wrong of me to come over later". Surely you have something else you could be doing when you would have seen her?

Ilovelblue · 20/02/2022 10:24

I have a friend the same! Wouldn't consider holding a small gathering for a milestone life event as she might unwittingly get covid if somebody hugged her but was happy to go to a wedding with 100 guests and share a taxi from the event with people she didn't even know.

Justanotherobserver · 20/02/2022 10:43

Not quite the same, but my parents are very selective about who might be a risk to them. Summer of 2020, we visited for lunch and ate it outside. We only went into the house to use the loo. No hugs, sat distanced. Prior to that visit, me and my partner had isolated ourselves from everyone for three weeks, did click and collect, spoke to no one. Easily done as we're not sociable and we work outside. After the visit, my dad told me that my step mother had developed a bad cough and they'd gone to get tested (they tested negative). He blamed our visit. During the same period, my step brother, who is a chef and works in a kitchen, was visiting and staying over every week. Apparently that was okay.

Original poster

NETSRIK · 20/02/2022 10:45

@NotMyGenderGoblin

I've said YABU. She has given you the perfect excuse to avoid seeing her any time it suits you to avoid seeing her, that is a valuable thing. "Sorry, I can't come, I know you're worried about covid and I had to do some relatively risky things the last day or two so it would be completely wrong of me to come over later". Surely you have something else you could be doing when you would have seen her?

Okaaaaay! What an odd reply.

OP posts:

balalake · 20/02/2022 10:54

I'd be annoyed. I'd understand if the current expected weather meant not wanting to make such a journey, but not the reason given.

juglover2008 · 20/02/2022 10:54

My mum's the same . she has no problem getting the bus to the local town,lunching in weatherspoons going out with friends for anniversary meals or keep fit classes but can't come to an outdoor fun day because of covid.
I think with my mum it's just an excuse to avoid doing things she dosent want to do.which is fine but what annoys me is not being truthfull

Fizbosshoes · 20/02/2022 10:59

I know someone similar. Wanted to wfh as much as possible because was worried about the train journey to work but has been on holidays to hotels, eating out, and going on the same train into London for social activities.

Exhausteddog · 20/02/2022 11:04

After the visit, my dad told me that my step mother had developed a bad cough and they'd gone to get tested (they tested negative). He blamed our visit. During the same period, my step brother, who is a chef and works in a kitchen, was visiting and staying over every week. Apparently that was okay.

My IL used to be like this when my DC were small. Any cough/cold they had within a week or so of us visiting was always blamed on my DC. Even though the DC had always been fine. I wouldn't have taken them if they had been unwell. The other older gc saw them more frequently but they apparently never caught anything from them!

MishWoking · 20/02/2022 11:04

It’s a “polite” excuse to let you know that she doesn’t want to see you! The current version of “I’m washing my hair”

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/02/2022 11:12

@Ukholidaysaregreat

Hahaha! I know people like this. Staying in and wiping down all the shopping and the next thing taking a flight for an all inclusive abroad. See what your Mum has to say about it. Communication is key.

YANBU but as the PP says, people are barking about this issue, so I’d just say how come you’ll do this and not this - it doesn’t make sense to me, rather than being really challenging, if you keep repeating it, a more logical thought process might appear..

BeenHereForAges · 20/02/2022 11:13

Urgh we've had this with people too. Stood under a sun umbrella in a relatives garden in November in the pissing down rain due to their covid anxiety only for them to drop into conversation that a group of random friends had been inside for coffee a few days before.

ajandjjmum · 20/02/2022 11:30

I do find it incredible OP - can't ever imagine giving up on an opportunity to see DD.

However.....I'm much younger than your DP, and I find that how I feel varies from day to day. I'm going out and doing my thing, but at the moment I'm reluctant to hug everyone, because there is so much Covid around. I blow kisses though!

I know it's not terribly logical - just what I'm comfortable doing.

I suppose that I'm also conscious that working in a vaccination centre, I am seeing lots of people and don't know where they've been! It's more me passing it on to my oldies, rather than visa versa, that bothers me.

RockstarDotCom · 20/02/2022 11:46

Do you get on well? I’ve definitely had ‘covid anxiety’ when I’ve not wanted to see someone. 😬

Justanotherobserver · 20/02/2022 11:57

@Exhausteddog

After the visit, my dad told me that my step mother had developed a bad cough and they'd gone to get tested (they tested negative). He blamed our visit. During the same period, my step brother, who is a chef and works in a kitchen, was visiting and staying over every week. Apparently that was okay.

My IL used to be like this when my DC were small. Any cough/cold they had within a week or so of us visiting was always blamed on my DC. Even though the DC had always been fine. I wouldn't have taken them if they had been unwell. The other older gc saw them more frequently but they apparently never caught anything from them!

Very disheartening, isn't it! I wonder why some people get the blame when others don't, it's crazy.

Chely · 20/02/2022 12:08

Stop trying to make an effort and wait for an invite instead. Her loss not yours.

zingally · 20/02/2022 12:36

I know quite a few people like this...

A friend of mine wouldn't meet me for a walk around the local park, as too worried about covid... But the next week is quite happy to take her kids to the local soft play place on a Saturday afternoon!