To be annoyed that DH never does anything properly

[Magnolia2022]

I mean diy wise. He doesn’t have a trade so labours for a friend. Is terrible at keeping books. He does awfully botched diy jobs around the house even to the point of fiddling with electrics! Thinks he’s a pro. Is almost offended at the idea of getting in a professional if he could just do it himself?!! We own our home and since we’ve bought it everything that goes wrong it’s Dr DiY 😩 the front door doesn’t hang properly, the flooring is a mess, the leaky roof has been ‘fixed’ and still drips and is now looking like it might have interior damage, the kitchen units are just hanging off and keep getting ‘fixed’ and hang wrong and it’s just a shit show. The grass is all dead even though he’s reseeded it badly but won’t let professionals in to fix it. He’s tried to replace window handles and just left them without locks because he’s messed up. Honestly it’s awful. We don’t have an unlimited supply of money but we could cover professional costs for some of these things. There’s just no need to spend out on materials to cock it up and then leave it looking like this. I can’t tell him it upsets me because I don’t want t hurt his feelings but it’s really bothering me. Every room in the house looks terrible! Im just starting to notice how bad it all is now we’ve been here for long enough for the cracks to start showing. How do I deal with this? Is this normal for alot of men?

@LilacPaisley I mean, you don’t have to live like that

I think you should have a word with him as doing botch jobs often leads to underappreciated & undervalued properties

I think people on here should lighten up. Suggesting you do it yourself for noticing his D-I-Y isn’t up to a professional standard - when he isn’t a professional tradesman is so childish. Passive aggressive much? Jeez

I've got a half a jobber, either that or he will drop everything to go do stuff for other people before ours.

I found a book in the charity shop from reader's digest called how to do just about anything and the phone number of a lovely retired couple - he comes and does jobs when DP is out. His wife comes for a cup of tea and a natter. I make a cottage pie/stew/soup/cake in return for their help as they refuse to take any money.
Its a great little bartering/trade system they do - some weeks they don't have to shop or cook plus it works for everyone.

I paid £2 for the book and I got so much more back - it's amazing what you can find in a charity shop! 😁😁😁

Your marriage isn't good if you can't be honest. Dh is fab at all diy, apart from wallpapering, which is fine because I don't like wallpaper.

Maybe suggest to him to do a short course (plumbing/ electrical/ wall repair) so he can do the jobs to a higher standard.

Think they may be the best idea. At least that way - he won’t have a bruised ego and you can save money on repairs!

I said YABU because :
I can’t tell him it upsets me because I don’t want t hurt his feelings but it’s really bothering me

And:
I can talk to him honestly I just don’t want to make him feel like shit about himself because he does try

But what about everything else you wrote in your post?
Nothing gets done properly? Your house looks crap. It’s actually causing damage, which will cost a lot more to fix now that it probably would’ve done had it been fixed properly initially. And all because his manly pride won’t let him get someone in, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings.
What about the fact it’s upsetting you? And you clearly can’t talk to him honestly.

Come on. This is just bonkers.

@Oblomov22

Your marriage isn't good if you can't be honest. Dh is fab at all diy, apart from wallpapering, which is fine because I don't like wallpaper.

I don’t think my whole marriage is no good because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I am honest about many things wi to my husband. This is literally one thing that drives me around the bend. He’s a kind man and loving father he’s just bad at diy and I don’t want to make him feel worthless so I need to find some tactful way of telling him so.

Yes it’s very worrying about devaluing the property. I’m going to tell him I’m getting a professional in to fix our roof and check the structure is ok. Luckily it’s only in one small area of the house so hopefully nothing too awful. We can start with that repair and I can say ‘look, it’s all done and to a high standard we can trust and you didn’t need to lift a finger darling’ that’s the major one anyway. And the locks need sorting professionally.

My husband was proud of himself for plumbing in our American fridge freezer correctly after the AO guy failed to do it.

He rarely touches ANY DIY himself. Always calls a pro. So your experience is the polar opposite of mine.

Everything in our house does work, though…

He’s a kind man and loving father he’s just bad at diy

That's what you say to him. "Look you're great in almost every single way but DIY clearly isn't your forte so you stick with x, y and z and we'll get the professionals in for the big stuff."

I’ve had this in my first marriage, he fucked up one thing after another . He was a labourer and really thought he was jack of all trades, he wasn’t. He once plaster boarded the walls in a bedroom and left the plasterboard about 4 inches short of the skirting boards AND about 2 inches inside of them . Sort of hanging there, I could see inside the eaves!. He proudly called me upstairs to show me his skills ( the damage) . I told him if I’d been a customer I wouldn’t have paid him, and he threw me off a stepladder. So yeah spare his feelings!
I would say something along the lines of -“Darren, I really appreciate all the work and effort you’ve put into the house but lots of the jobs are unfinished and haven’t actually sorted the problems. I think it’s obvious you’re too busy to finish them yourself and it’s not fair that you have to give up all your weekends and evenings to do them. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask that of you. So I’m going to get someone in to see to some of them to take the pressure of you”then pass him a beer and ask him if his sleeves feel tight because it looks like his arms have got bigger.

You need to talk about this. I wouldn’t tell him he’s bad at DIY, just say you want to get a professional in to look at the roof. Once that’s sorted move on to the next thing. No need for sweeping statements about his DIY skills, just focus on the jobs that need done.

Yep. I get people in while he's on breaks now. Even booking him little breaks when I need to get stuff done. It's easier that way. I'm getting the fencing done next week. He's been bodging it for 6 years and DS turns 1 this summer. I had begged him to have our garden ready last summer so I could not be trapped in the house so much. I'm not having this summer without a garden too.

@statetrooperstacey or you could not marry a complete man child who needs his eggs stroked every 5 seconds..

*Ego

Yeah bit late for that, tho stroking his eggs would probably work as well as stroking his ego .

@statetrooperstacey

DH has a successful home improvements business , kitchens, bathrooms, doors windows carpentry the lot. Customers always thrilled and our house is great. He was a bit pissed off the other week when I read to him some of the endless posts slagging off ‘unreliable’ tradespeople. If the posters on here are the same women , all I can say is hahaha. Sorry for OP though. She should raise it with him!