To be feeling unable to work and feeling terrified about results

[flyingumbrellas]

Hi everyone,

I'm messaging because I just don't know what to do and am in immense anxiety because of it.

So in January I was ill with a chest infection that caused other symptoms that led to me going to A and E and incidentally discovering that I have a massive growth on my pancreas. I get my biopsy results this week, so far all indications are that it's benign but until the biopsy is confirmed I'm terrified and even if that's the case it is highly likely I'll need major abdominal surgery due to the size of the cyst. I have already been signed off for a month and just had that sick leave extended for a couple of weeks. I feel very guilty as I feel I'm letting my work down and my manager has been ignoring my messages. But on an emotional level I can't cope with work on top of this as I am already emotionally fragile after losing both parents, my dear Mother passed away at the start of the pandemic. I also feel tired very easily. Sometimes I'm in a lot of pain too. I'm just fed up of waiting for results. I feel unable to cope, this cyst discovery is like the straw that broke the camel's back.

There's a strong likelihood that the doctors will decide to do major history regardless of biopsy results, so I have rushed to finally clear my parents old house, as the stress of that was crushing me and it's been done with the help of a great builder.

I feel toppled by everything and today I just feel tired, weak, headachey and so stressed.

I feel heartbroken my parents aren't here, guilty I didn't do enough to help them, angry at myself that I can't work, upset I have this pancreas thing, useless and angry that I'm so overweight too...I can't be a good Mum while this is going on, or a good wife. I'm lucky, hubby is very supportive but he is also unwell and I can't help but feel terrible that I'm stressing him and our LO out. But I now feel like I'm dossing and useless and making all my problems up in my own head. Sorry to be so miserable. I'm just feeling utterly broken right now and don't know what to do.

Well that all sounds awful! You'd be perfectly justified going to bed and pulling the duvet over your head for a bit. Shattering bereavement and serious illness plus the normal stress and strains is a recipe for a breakdown.
Don't try and do a thing for a bit. Just keep warm, keeping eating and drinking. Comfort food and tea in your favourite mug,
Hope you get a good plan for surgery soon.

Your work will understand. Your health and mental well-being comes first. I hope all goes well for you.

You are ill. It’s a huge shock and you are dealing with a lot. Be kind to yourself x

Are they recommending a Whipple's? My husband has been where you are now and I remember how scary it was.

Don't message work anymore. You have a doctors certificate and you are genuinely ill with a serious condition so you have nothing to worry about with that I don't think There's nothing your work can do about it ! Your health is way more important. Just forget about work and concentrate on getting better. Take the time you need Take care

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your kind messages xx Hubby and I are incredibly lucky as we live with very supportive neighbours who are like family and my in laws are all wonderful too. They've already said they'll help with our LO (who isn't little anymore, which definitely helps, I'm just so used to calling her little, hehe). My manager eventually responded sympathetically and kindly, which I am grateful for. So I no longer feel pressured about work. Tomorrow I get biopsy results from a member of the surgical team. I'm utterly terrified but relieved I will know more about what I'm facing. I'm unsure whether they will operate or what type of operation it is likely to be but other consultants have said regardless of whether it's benign or not, major surgery is very likely as the cyst is HUGE.