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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed over lack of invite?

30 replies

purpleronnie2 · 19/02/2022 13:12

A woman that I considered to be a good friend is celebrating a landmark birthday next month. I saw her post something on social media about planning her party.

I have messaged her a couple of times recently and she hasn't responded. She's also stopped interacting with me on social media. We haven't had any kind of conflict or falling out.

I find her to be a bit of a social climber and quite OTT with trying to befriend people at times. She added a lot of my friends on social media and is interacting with them a lot. I work in the arts so a lot of my friends are performers.

I met my best friend for coffee last week and he asked me something about the party. I said I don't know the details and he told me she sent him a message inviting him and his partner along. They've never actually met. She added him on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook about six months ago and has privately messaged him inviting him to her birthday party and not asked me.

This feels very high school but AIBU to feel annoyed at being left out?

OP posts:
T00Ts · 19/02/2022 13:15

Is she impressed by your performer friends and is adding them to her circle? It sounds like she’s used you as a stepping stone for access to this world and isn’t interested in including you in the invitation now she’s gathered what she wants.

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 13:22

Like you say she's A social climber. Using and disposing of friends. Don't give her any more headspace

BorsetshireBanality · 19/02/2022 13:25

Ha, my then BF got invited to a posh house party, when the hostess opened the door her face fell as she has been hoping (but hadn’t said earlier) he’d bring his guitar with him and play a little impromptu (unpaid) gig

MargotMoon · 19/02/2022 13:26

I'd be relieved that I now know what kind of a person she is and that I don't need to waste my friendship energy on her. Please don't choose to feel slighted by someone who isn't a very nice person!

drpet49 · 19/02/2022 13:27

Forget about this bitch. She just used you.

olympicsrock · 19/02/2022 13:30

Horrible woman. Not good enough to be your friend

CarlRogersCat · 19/02/2022 13:31

A woman that I considered to be a good friend... she's not.
Just move on and invest in the decent friendships you have.

BorsetshireBanality · 19/02/2022 13:32

What I meant to say was maybe she invited them to perform for free!

givethatbabyaname · 19/02/2022 13:36

You’re better off without her.

Eightiesfan · 19/02/2022 13:38

She’s a horribly entitled, if I was one of your friends I would want to know how she has behaved. Because if she was so quick to use you, she would not hesitate to use me. What did your BF think of the fact that they he’d been invited without evening meeting her and you as their mutual connection had not?

Eightiesfan · 19/02/2022 13:39

*even

Sausagesausagesausage · 19/02/2022 13:49

I'd go with your BF as his plus one.

Louisianagumbo · 19/02/2022 13:53

@Sausagesausagesausage

I'd go with your BF as his plus one.
I was going to write a response but this is so much better. 😂😂😂
MizzFizz · 19/02/2022 13:54

You've dodged a bullet in not receiving an invite. Drop her fast.

Johnnypiratesfriend · 19/02/2022 13:56

If she's a good friend just ask her she may have forgotten to give you the details and assumed you were coming.
I agreed to watch my close friend's children as she was getting ready for her party. She never actually invited me just assumed I was coming. I had to ask her the time and venue the day before. We both thought it was hilarious when we realised.

tympanic · 19/02/2022 13:56

There is a similar thread like this.

Drop her, OP. People like this are weird. I have a friend who keeps trying to do similar with one of my friends. She barely knows her, but as my friend has been in the public eye she wants to claim her as her own as I guess she thinks it will improve her social status…? Odd. Very odd. But part of a set of behaviours that have come to light recently that make me question why I bother with her at all.

Thing is, my mate wouldn’t be interested in her. They have nothing in common. Why are your friends going to this unknown person’s party? That’s doubly weird.

Eightiesfan · 19/02/2022 14:03

@Sausagesausagesausage

I'd go with your BF as his plus one.
Brilliant idea!
FelicityPike · 19/02/2022 14:16

@Sausagesausagesausage

I'd go with your BF as his plus one.
I would do this too. Cow.
Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 14:18

Fair enough you are miffed, but honestly this woman is a screaming idiot.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 14:20

She sounds pretty horrible. And weird, what kind of person wants to celebrate their birthday with people they have never met in person? How would she introduce them, 'hi x, this is y, y is active over Facebook and x has a great instagram'. Or 'how did you two meet?'...'oh we haven't, I just thought his Twitter responses were hilarious so invited him along'.
I'd be dropping her. Life is too short for that level of shallow

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 14:20

Is your BF considering going?

FlamingoQueen · 19/02/2022 14:39

Could you message your friends and apologise on behalf of your friend? ‘I’m sorry if you’ve had an invite from my friend - obviously it is up to you if you go, but just wanted to let you know I haven’t been invited - just in case you thought there would be someone you know there!’
Hopefully, they’ll see you’ve been used!

Eightiesfan · 19/02/2022 15:20

If I got a social invitation from someone I did not know other than on social media, I don’t think I would accept before speaking to the mutual ‘friend’ to see if they were going, and maybe not even then.

I also wouldn’t beat around the bush, I’d tell it like it is, and say she used me to get to them. That’s not the sort of person you’d want to be acquainted with let alone friends with.

ZippyZap · 19/02/2022 15:25

That's odd, is she looking for a sort of networking thing to do with the arts and purposefully used you for this reason? I'd call her out and send a nice msg or call and say I just wanted to check if I was missed off the invite list by mistake as you seem to have invited my friends, who you've never met and they might feel a bit awkward when they realise I'm not invited.... Or hopefully your friends won't go and you could all go out for a meal and post pics of you all on social media 😁

Eightiesfan · 19/02/2022 15:35

Maybe it’s like that movie Single White Female and she’s trying to take over your life. When your friends get there she’s dressed as you, acting like you. Now that would be a great instastory!

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