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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babysitter leaves her 9 y.o alone

20 replies

Hmmweird · 19/02/2022 11:14

(Sorry for my English) So I have this lovely lady who babysat for us couple of times. She is a single mom and have 9 y.o son. Before working for us she mentioned that while she is at our house, her son is being take care of at their neighbours. But last time we talked a bit more and turned our her son was alone every time instead and was told to go to neighbours in case he gets scared(which never happened before). She told me that this is how she does it every time and it’s completely safe. I offered her to bring her child with her but she refused. I feel really uncomfortable with this. On one hand I understand that she struggles financially and this is what she needs to do, and even if I stop hiring her she will another family and will keep leaving her son alone, but on the other hand I can’t feel totally relaxed being out with my husband knowing that she takes care of my child while hers is alone till 11 pm? Or maybe I’m exaggerating and he is not that small?

OP posts:
CharlesChickens · 19/02/2022 11:26

I would try again to get her to bring her son. Nine really is too young to be left alone late into the evening. I appreciate she is trying to bring in some extra money to support him but it sounds like neglect to me . I had relaxed parents (I was nine in the 70s) but I wasn’t left alone at that age and they wouldn’t have left my older sibling and me alone in the night either, not until we were a few years older than that and my brother was a sensible teenager, did they go out in the evening leaving us at home.

Svara · 19/02/2022 11:31

Nine is too young to be left longer than a couple of hours or late on the evening. I'd try to convince her to bring her son.

OneTiredMam · 19/02/2022 11:37

No way would I leave my child with someone who thinks it's acceptable to leave a 9 year old child on their own for hours at a time.

It's neglect.

Loopytiles · 19/02/2022 11:39

That’s really sad, but YABU to use her services again.

Original poster
Hmmweird · 19/02/2022 11:44

So she added that her neighbours is next door. They know when she goes away and they have keys and pop in to check on him throughout the evening. She also said that he has online classes(that’s partly why she can’t bring him). And her grandparents(different country) watch him through cameras till she comes home.

OP posts:
Svara · 19/02/2022 11:48

Could you offer a quiet room he could study in?

negomi90 · 19/02/2022 11:50

Still neglect. I wouldn't trust my kids with someone who thinks child neglect is acceptable.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 19/02/2022 12:03

What happens in an emergency? If there was a fire and her son was sleeping , I presume a 9 year old would be sleeping at 11 pm? Its neglect

Laurencia · 19/02/2022 12:08

YABU. It is not neglect to leave a 9 year old alone, with plenty of people to ensure safety, anyway.

Longcovid21 · 19/02/2022 12:08

Can't he do online classes at your house? Something very odd is going on. Why won't she bring him?

Frazzled50yrold · 19/02/2022 12:09

This just isn't acceptable and I'd be concerned at my role in keeping this arrangement going. Tell her she has to bring the child with her, otherwise she can't babysit.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/02/2022 12:10

@Laurencia

YABU. It is not neglect to leave a 9 year old alone, with plenty of people to ensure safety, anyway.
It is absolutely bad parenting to leave a 9 year old alone until 11pm. OP is NBU at all.
DropYourSword · 19/02/2022 12:13

@Laurencia

YABU. It is not neglect to leave a 9 year old alone, with plenty of people to ensure safety, anyway.
You have to be joking
Plutoisaplanet · 19/02/2022 12:13

I wouldn’t even leave my nine year old to pop to the corner shop

Laurencia · 19/02/2022 12:13

You are utterly ridiculous. The parents of today are far too overprotective.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/02/2022 12:13

I wouldn’t use her agajn

DropYourSword · 19/02/2022 12:15

@Laurencia

You are utterly ridiculous. The parents of today are far too overprotective.
That previous generations of parenting sometimes pride themselves on their levels of child neglect isn't actually something to celebrate or emulate.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/02/2022 12:18

@Laurencia

You are utterly ridiculous. The parents of today are far too overprotective.
Or parents back then were far too neglectful.
Original poster
Hmmweird · 19/02/2022 12:30

I wouldn’t call her neglectful to be honest. With my child at least. She spends every minute with her, never uses phone or turn tv. It’s the games, art, theatre all the time. Unfortunately leaving kids alone is norm in her and my countries. We share similar culture. I personally remember being home alone at 6. But I still feel uncomfortable with this. I also believe that what she asks to be paid is really really low. And I try to pay her fair. So what I think is that if I refuse her job she will quickly find another underpaid job and the situation with her son will remain unresolved. But I can’t keep using her service like that either.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 19/02/2022 12:47

But how do you know she never leaves your child alone-because she says so?

If she willing to do it to her own child why wouldnt she do it with yours

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