To get pissed off that my friend asks for advice but does not take it?

[ElIie]

My friend, who I’ve know since we were 10, always asks me for advice but never takes it - in fact does the opposite. Some prominent examples:

Asks me if she should have a baby with her boyfriend she has only known for a few weeks and is showing signs of controlling behaviour. I say no, it wouldn’t be fair on you or the baby. Gets pregnant anyway and lo and behold the guy becomes abusive and controlling.

Asks me what last name to give the baby. I say hers or double barrel, given the child’s father is abusive and said he doesn’t want the baby. She gives the baby his last name anyway which has since caused issues, as I predicted it would.

Asks whether or not to open a joint banking account with her abusive DP. I say I think that would be a stupid idea. She does it anyway and he steals her money and locks her out of the account.

And today she tells me she is back with her DP (having “ended” things with him at least a dozen times) and asked if I thought they should get a dog. I say it wouldn’t be a wise idea, as she is living hand to mouth as is and has a precarious living situation with her DC. I said I thought it would be selfish on the dog, as she doesn’t have the time to give it the attention it deserves and he definitely won’t take care of it. Messages me hours later saying they bought the puppy anyway

There’s also loads of other situations that she’s asked my advice for and then ignores it.

I get she is an adult and is free to make her own decisions but AIBU to get pissed off that she always comes to me for advice and then ignores it? And then inevitably comes to me for comfort when her bad decisions create more problems.

What would you do in my situation?

Or am I just a boring, sanctimonious buzzkill?

I can see why thats frustrating. Id distance myself. You need to make sure you're not her coping mechanism.

Yabu, imo. For 2 reasons.

Firstly, no one is o killed to take your advice no matter how good it is. If you are only willing to give advice if people do what you say, then stop giving it.

Secondly, she is in an abusive relationship. She may very well want to follow your advice, bit when faced with him just hives in to what he wants. She is in a controlling relationship. These are unlikey to her decisions.

But if you can't support her through this, distance yourself.

YANBU it would piss me off and I would start distancing myself. Some people just refuse to help themselves.

Loads of people are like that - they ask for advice and don't take it. Just try and maybe not give advice in future.

I think you are being unkind and also making this about you when the real issue is your poor friend is clearly in a bad way and a bad situation.

I think you should try to be supportive and undersatnding about why this is happening for her. Also try to talk to her about what is going on.

It is really very common for people to ignore friends and family when in abusive/toxic relationships.

I'd have cut her off a long time ago. It must be incredibly frustrating to see her act so irresponsibly and naively, especially when she has a child involved.

I just couldn't watch it.

I'd also report her to social services for getting back with abusive DP. The child deserves an abuse-free upbringing. She needs to either learn to put the child first or give the child a chance of a happy household elsewhere.