To not feel worthy of all this

[iamstillnotenough]

Aaaargh. In the process of buying a house with my beloved DH. We're both second-timers and married two years ago. Together 7 yrs in total. We've been living in my tiny poky terraced house I bought when I got divorced. Second DH had his own property shared with ExW. He kept the property (and of course kept paying his share) until recently when his youngest DC finished uni. So far so good. The plan was always to buy a bigger property together once he'd sold up. With the money from my place and his share of his place we were worth about the same - which felt right. Recently DH has inherited a big chunk o' cash from PIL and is now considerably better off than me. He also has expensive tastes and wants to buy a more expensive house than I can afford half of. He doesn't see this as a problem and seems perfectly happy to put in the extra and own the house jointly. Instead of feeling blessed this leaves me feeling guilty and unworthy. Why am I like this and AIBU?

YABU - of course this is not reasonable and you should only buy a house if you can afford half of cost.
YANBU - you are married and DH is happy, so you should be happy.

Will he throw it back in your face? Lord it over you? Keep reminding you about it and considering it a trump card?

If so you have bigger problems than this issue.

If not - go for it

You obviously have a hangup about feeling like you need to earn nice things yourself. I'm the same. I want to make some improvements to my home but i feel like i need to earn them first - not the money, necessarily but i feel like i don't deserve it. But you and your dh are a team, you're married and you're building a life together.

@AtrociousCircumstance

Will he throw it back in your face? Lord it over you? Keep reminding you about it and considering it a trump card?

If so you have bigger problems than this issue.

If not - go for it

No he won't. We have a great marriage and don't do all the power games nonsense.

You can do a post-nuptial agreement to ring fence his larger share if it makes you feel better!

I paid the deposit on our first place when OH had nothing, he paid most of the mortgage, I paid the last 5 grand. Whoever has got money throws it in the pot in this house. He's the one who wants the bigger house so as long as you're not against having a bigger house both put in what you can.

You are worthy of it. He obviously loves you and wants to do this for you. I’m a homeowner at 27 because my dp added me to his mortgage. Didn’t ask me for a penny, we just split the mortgage payments 50:50. I wouldn’t have been able to get on the property ladder for a while otherwise. I am eternally grateful and didn’t question whether I was worthy of such kindness

Do you think there is any hangover from your first marriage affecting this? Was there a dynamic with your first DH which would have made this uncomfortable?

If he was to ask you if it was the other way around and would you do it for him, l bet your answer would be of course!
As would mine with my dh.
Of course you are worthy.

I get you - sometimes generosity of spirit can feel overwhelming. Perhaps look into legally ringfencing each of your % contributions, if that would make you feel better, but if a larger house or better area or bigger garden brings you both happiness, well, you only live once. Enjoy your partnership!

This happened to me. DH's family is a lot more generous than mine and chucked vast sums of money at us, so he put far more in at first. But since then I've earned more than him and paid £££££ for all the updating. Don't worry about it. A good relationship isn't about accounting for every penny on either side.