Working to support your DC

[Mybestyear]

Partly on the back of @trippinglyonthetongue 's post about DC funding themselves at Uni after getting a substantial inheritance, I am seeking views from the vipers' nest about working to support DC in other ways.

Before I go on, I am aware that I am in a very fortunate position to be even worrying about this - 2 decent salaries, naice house, holidays etc. By no means 'wealthy' but I would describe us as comfortable.

My job is on paper "a good job". There are a lot of positives - good colleagues in the main, flexibility, hybrid working, good salary (55k), 5 weeks holiday, not particularly stressful and good work/life balance. BUT......I hate it and it completely sucks the life out of me.

If you go on the alcohol support threads you will know I have a problem with abusing alcohol. I am currently dry but it has been a huge struggle and I have upset family and friends many times over the past couple of years through my drinking. My job did not cause the alcohol abuse (childhood trauma survivor) but it exacerbated it to the point that I could not sleep at all without a significant amount of alcohol in me. I am only saying this to give you a bit of context around my dilemma.

So. Our mortgage will be paid off in about 1.5 years. At that point, I could afford to go part time/change to a lower paid job, if it were just DH and I to consider. DS is 24, still at home, in employment (25K) and hoping to buy a flat in the not too distant future. DD still at home, nearly half way through her degree and will need about 10k after her degree to do a post-degree diploma which is necessary for her to work in her chosen field (law).

My job impacts me very negatively, although as I said, there are positives and I know I would be so much happier even if I could go part time. I would give it up in a heartbeat if I won the lottery.

But I feel I owe it to my DC to continue in the job full time to help them financially because of the pain I have caused them through my drinking.

So: would I be unreasonable to go part time next year, knowing I will not be able to help them financially?

YABU: you owe it to your DC to help them financially since you've let them down in other ways.
YANBU: your DC are adults and it is up to them to make sacrifices for the things they want.

My dad was an alcohol when I was growing up and he used money to try to offset the guilt he felt about it. I much rathered the decent relationship I had with my dad over any money he gave me as a way of making up for what he saw was his shortcomings as a parent when I was younger. All I wanted for him to feel at peace with himself and happy

As I said on the other thread - Health comes first. I have seen the impact on people burning out in the NHS and similar as the think they cannot stop. If you need to step back for the sake of your health then do so. You children would much rather a healthy mother that is not dependant on their support in their 20's or a healthy grandmother who can enjoy their children rather than be a drain on them at that time. Make the mortgage payments, clear that and then save what you can. After than you will all have to earn something - even if it is not what it could be - kids included - to pay the way. If the youngest is going into law she has good potential and at 24 you've given the oldest an awful lot already if you are still housing/paying everything for him.