To ask for your help with my daughter!

[Calmclam]

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling with my daughter who is 8. She is a lovely girl but a deep thinker and sensitive. There has been a lot of change in her life recently and she’s struggling with her feelings. May or may not be related, but she’s been experiencing nausea for the last 2 months (seeing GP regarding this) and last night, after a difficult day at school and uncharacteristically getting into trouble for laughing in class, has been nipping herself in front of me, saying she doesn’t care if she gets bruises.

I’m heartbroken and just need a hand hold. I’ve told school so things are in motion on that front. I just want to fix everything for her but not sure how 😢

Bump

That sounds difficult. Is she getting any help to deal with the changes going on in her life?

I'd speak to her teacher if they aren't aware of what is going on. My DD's class recently focussed on dealing with big emotions, ways to calm down when angry etc. It might be worth seeing if there is anything like that planned for her class.

It sounds like she needs a lot of love and understanding just now to help her cope with how she is feeling and to have healthy coping mechanisms demonstrated.

Hand hold, OP. Sorry to hear your daughter is having a rough time - and you too. Definitely a good move speaking with the school and doctor. Has she spoken to you about the root cause of her anxiety? And does the school have a Place2Be type service she might benefit from in the more immediate term?

Just an idea, but when I was a child, we had a very traumatic time in which I was diagnosed with OCD - my mum found us a shared hobby to both relax me and make those difficult conversations easier (I found I could cope with questions much better if informal and I was mid-sewing).

Sending you lots of strength and best wishes.

So sorry to hear that.
Do you have access or means for emptional support for her?
Sounds like she holds herself to high standards.
Our school have an art therapy club which gives constructive outlet to this sort of thing. Helping the children process and manage events and emotions going on.
Locally we have a few people who are counsellors /do therapeutic things with children for same purpose. Not full on psychotherapy but a place where things can get straight in your head, you can get stuff out /off your chest safely... Sounds like she might benefit from something like that.
If not a formal service, maybe a hobby which has a similar soothing effect on her inner turmoil, dancing, pets, sport, baking whatever it may be that works for her.
Any ability to create /access that kind of thing?

Personally I'm not sure I'd go to the doctor with it. I wouldn't want to give her the message she's not well when healthy coping mechanisms pp mentioned might raise her up. When I was wrestling with problems as a child being put in front of the doctor to see what was wrong would have compounded it not helped. If the setting the doctor gave you access to his things it would be worthwhile but a long stressful road to cahms doesn't seem like a good bet here. Maybe others have had better experience.

Can you access private therapy with a paediatric psychologist? Honestly this is what I'd be doing.

If you can afford it I'd recommend counselling - although there are waiting lists at the moment even for private. I know this doesn't help with your situation right now by one of my DS had a shocking time at school - he felt awful, considered ending it, was bullied - so much stuff I wondered if we'd ever come through it. But he's come out the other side (even through CV19 restrictions) and seems much better, well adjusted and enjoying life 18 months later.