What can I outsource?

[Merryoldgoat]

Ok. Brief background
DH, me and DS9 & DS4 at home (both children have ASD)
We both work in busy jobs, I’ve recently reduced hours to manage pick up/drop off better.

We have a cleaner.

We find ourselves burned out with all the ‘stuff’ - appointments, homework, laundry, cooking, shopping and meal planning, house needs decorating and maintenance etc - that we spend hardly any quality time together or with the boys.

What can we outsource or buy to claw back time?

By the weekend I’m exhausted and I hate that I have no time or energy to exercise or be a fun parent.

We’re no swimming in money but do have the ability to buy in more.

Food-wise I would recommend Gousto or another meal prep company. I started this last year when renovating as I couldn't manage the renovation alongside meal planning (have always been a meal planner) and I've stuck with it. Four really good meals guaranteed. I also track my food spend and it surprisingly hasn't really increased since doing this as it has replaced my one takeaway a week. I just cook pretty simply the other three nights.

I have one online food order a month / six weeks to stock up on store cupboard basics/household stuff etc. Yes, this is more costly than going to B&M/Aldi like I used to but worth the time-saving.

I have a list of meals that we all eat and they’re written up like a menu. There’s enough for 3-4 weeks of meals there.

Once a week I sit and choose 7 meals, and add the ingredients to my online shop, plus the regulars for breakfast, lunch, snack etc.

My next plan is to double some of these to make bigger batches and put in the freezer for busy days, like bolognese, chilli etc. i do generally do extras anyway for lunch the next day (I can’t stand sandwiches!)

@MaChienEstUnDick
What a great idea, thank you. I really struggle to think of different ideas and get annoyed at cooking the exact same dish every week!
@Merryoldgoat, lots of great advice from PP, I really hope that everything improves for you and your family

Online shopping & using Gousto has been a life saver for us! (Sorry blatantly sharing my Gousto link here https://cook.gousto.co.uk/raf?promocode=PAULI41963197&utmm_source=iosapp)

I've got a code for a free hello fresh box if you want to try OP- DM me your email address. No pressure, no benefit to me but they send me more codes than I can give away so you'd be welcome to it.

Find someone to do your laundry and ironing.

Order some Cook food and shove it in the freezer

@Merryoldgoat

This is great - thank you.

Are those meal prep companies good? I was thinking about trying one but wasn’t sure.

Could definitely batch cook and meal plan better - maybe I’ll create a spreadsheet which will populate ingredients if I choose a meal to make the list easier.

I’m worried about sending out laundry - my knickers are really old 😳😳 I should just suck it up shouldn’t I?

Younger boy can’t do after school club - still non verbal and we’re just starting EHCP process so gearing up for that.

Could deffo look at slow cooker!

Handyman - do they do anything? Like, could I get one for, say, a week and give him a list of stuff?

Luckily I now have a day off a week which I’m hoping will allow me to decompress.

PIL help with the boys which is invaluable

Thank you for all the ideas ❤️

I’m a control and excel freak. One of the rather more extreme, it in my view genius ideas😉 I had when in this situation was a rolling 8 week menu. I had well balanced meals across each week, favourites and a good helping of vegetarian and fish based meals. Even included lunches and breakfasts I then had a shopping list in excel for each week. I pulled that up and dropped it into tesco quick search- I had to ensure my list terms matched theirs. I could do my shopping online in about 20 mins.

Everyday everyone knew what was for tea, lunch and breakfast.
Yes it was a pain and effort to set up but once done worked brilliantly. About every other year I’d swap a few new things in, but that was it

The other thing to do so to get everyone in family to cook. As soon as they are able to get kids involved in cooking . Even young kids (eg your 9 year old) can get bangers, oven chips and beans sorted for that quick easy meal. As mine got to early teens they’d cook at least one meal every fortnight …they had their special dishes they’d cook and love to cook. It meant I could stay on for that late meeting, or do some ironing. Etc. other than that my husband and I shared 50:50 cooking.

Another one is to use reminders and calendars in your phone/tablet religiously. Don’t carry stuff in your head. If you get letters form school breakdown into what you need to do and when and stick i. Reminders. Photo the letter so you always have it on device and don’t have to rummage around trying to find it . Set up reminders in your kids phones as soon as they have them to make them responsible for their own shit. Similarly insist your husband sets up reminders for his shit (eg his families birthdays) and stuff for kids too- don’t be the one that fills your brain with everyone’s spelling tests, dental appointments and the like.

Spread the load is one thing

Off load the thinking is also a significant factor

Guys - I’m honestly overwhelmed with the support and ideas.

It’s very easy to feel useless when stuff gets on top of you.

I’m so ‘together’ at work but at home I’m a mess since having kids.

Luckily we’re a happy family and DH is a proper partner but he’s going back to the office from next week after 2 years at home so it’s a big change.

@Aweefatcat

Find someone to do your laundry and ironing.

Order some Cook food and shove it in the freezer

If money is plentiful I agree with getting prepared meals from Cook online. They are pricy but excellent quality. They go straight into the oven / microwave with no prep needed.

@TeddyTonks

Thank you - I will DM you - that’s so kind.

@MayMorris - er… can we be friends please?! That spreadsheet sounds like an amazing idea. I know what I’m doing with my day off next week!!

Thank you for the cook recommendations - I’ll look now.

We are both good cooks but sometimes you just need time.

I know others have said it- but Gousto! I have tried Hello Fresh but it wasn't quite as good.

We all eat Gousto veggie and vegan meals 3/4 times a week, sometimes with left-overs, and the other two nights are baked potato/pasta or a dinner out.

So much simpler, and then shopping is just for breakfast/lunches which is so straightforward.

This and my cleaner make life doable as a single parent. If I had more money and the inclination, I'd get a gardener as well but I feel my garden is a bit chaotic.

@Merryoldgoat

This is great - thank you.

Are those meal prep companies good? I was thinking about trying one but wasn’t sure.

Could definitely batch cook and meal plan better - maybe I’ll create a spreadsheet which will populate ingredients if I choose a meal to make the list easier.

I’m worried about sending out laundry - my knickers are really old 😳😳 I should just suck it up shouldn’t I?

Younger boy can’t do after school club - still non verbal and we’re just starting EHCP process so gearing up for that.

Could deffo look at slow cooker!

Handyman - do they do anything? Like, could I get one for, say, a week and give him a list of stuff?

Luckily I now have a day off a week which I’m hoping will allow me to decompress.

PIL help with the boys which is invaluable

Thank you for all the ideas ❤️

Gousto is great.

First thing is buy yourself some lovely new knickers, you deserve them.

Second would be to talk to cleaner to see how many hours she can do and what she would do in those hours. handymen can be hired by the hour and you can prioritise the jobs.

Thirdly I would look at what parts I found most difficult or stressful and what I enjoyed most. Then I would discover what needed to be outsourced and what I wanted to keep time for. I suspect the chores may start to encroach on your 'me time' unless you make clear boundaries for yourself.

Make sure you have all of the DLA that your DCs are entitled to and any grants or activity passes. You can also ask for a care assessment for all of you to address each of your needs and if allocated hours use direct payments if necessary. Do you have a local carers centre or similar who can advise what is available?

Gousto is more work than Cook though- just for a comparison, they aren't read meals, they are all the ingredients pre-prepared and then you cook them. But no more meal planning, no more walking round the supermarket getting cross (I did online for a while, still do for bits), absolutely delicious food, I let the children choose the meals as well just so they are involved/get what they like.

Could try a couple of different ones and see what suits you and your family, also depends if you are fussy/everyone will eat the same thing.

If you want ready meals, then Cook or a decent supermarket online is also a quick fix. I just don't enjoy ready meals quite as much as Gousto as they include lots of herbs/fresh veg which are really tasty.

If you already have a cleaner you like, definitely discuss with her whether she's willing to do more hours and expand the scope of what she does. Certainly our old cleaner used to change bedding and also would happily do washing if there was time. She did wash and dry what beddings and towels she could in the time she was there and usually would leave a load in the machine and one in the tumble drier when she left.

If you do online shopping, have it delivered when she's there so she can put it away (again, just check in with her first to make sure she's okay with that - depends entirely on the cleaner).

I have an ironing lady who collects and drops off - game changer.

If necessary buy more school/sports kit so that there isn't the need to wash at set times but it can be done in big bursts at a set time. Not having to rush around washing DS's school trousers has been a surprising game changer for us.

A mumsnetter on here once said she has a handyman who comes once a month. They write down what they need over time and then they send him the list a few days before his scheduled day. Honestly.... DH and I still aspire to this!

@Faevern

You’re so right about the knickers - I bought them after my first son was born. Who is 9… I will get some today. Thank you

We have got DLA for both boys recently - felt a bit odd as we’re ok money-wise so we just put it aside and used for a fancier birthday party than usual and some bits and pieces they need but we decided to use it to subsidise me reducing my hours for a while.

I don’t know if we’d qualify for anything else but I’ll investigate your suggestions. Thank you.

We use ihateironing to wag and iron bedding, towels and shirts. Biking even own an iron.

They collect and deliver, from outside the house if you are ok with that.

If necessary buy more school/sports kit so that there isn't the need to wash at set times but it can be done in big bursts at a set time. Not having to rush around washing DS's school trousers has been a surprising game changer for us.

I did this and was shocked at what an amazing help it was - everyone should have 5 sets of uniform is affordable - it it so comforting on a Sunday night checking the wardrobe and knowing the full week is sorted!

Can you hire a housekeeper rather than cleaner. I had someone for 2x 4 hours a week, she cleaned, collected kids from school and kept an eye on them, did laundry, changed beds, ironed and cooked on those nights for us all (she took a portion home for herself and her teenage son by arrangement). I paid her at the time £9.50 an hour but add £5 now ... finding someone however is hard!

A mumsnetter on here once said she has a handyman who comes once a month. They write down what they need over time and then they send him the list a few days before his scheduled day. Honestly.... DH and I still aspire to this!

Oh my god!! This is amazing!!

My cleaner is going to do an extra hour each week to see how that helps - should allow for changing beds and doing a cupboard/fridge.

@MayMorris your spreadsheets and matching the terms to tesco etc is absolutely genius. Would you be willing to share? I know you don't know me from Adam but I'm just a normal mum looking for ways to save time too. I'd happily give you my email address to send it over if you'd be willing? Totally understand if you say no!!

OP We personally found Gousto (agree with others I didn't like hello fresh as much) a game changer, its fantastic and stops us spending loads on takeaways etc as we always have something ready to cook and eat most nights. We also have a cleaner. I do not iron anything except my daughters school polo shirts (my husband wears overalls but I guess if yours wears shirts etc you or he would need to do those too) I wash daily, so morning and evening I'm putting a wash on and the tumble dryer on to keep on top of it. I have a heated airer too. We pay for a decorator as and when needed. Lots of handymen on Facebook etc (do get personal recommendations though - I'm lucky my husband loves and is good at DIY)

Thats all I have to add but I'm finding this thread so helpful!

Sounds like the best thing would be to see if your cleaner can do more hours and take over the laundry. Some will do it and some won't, but it's certainly worth asking.

If that's not possible then look into a part time house keeper. They would definitely do laundry.

I'm not sure the meal services will be much help. You still have to cook, which takes time, and if you're both good cooks as you've mentioned, I'm assuming that means you're quite into your food/nice dinners and so you might find yourself getting a bit frustrated with the rigidity and lack of control. I'd maybe look at simplifying your menu instead. Choose easier meals, start batch cooking, maybe get a slow cooker etc

Examples are if you receive tax credits or universal credit tell them about the DLA as it increases your allowance, this increases your buying power for services.

Look at the family fund www.familyfund.org.uk/ and local grants. grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/

Max Card mymaxcard.co.uk/ and many venues who don't use max card have their own discounts some are free entry.

I know its not what you asked but these can help make those fun times you wanted more accessible.