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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To really not understand why DD doesn't like reading...

58 replies

firstchopanonion · 17/02/2022 11:38

DD is 8. She has always been in the top reading group at school, she taught herself to read while she was still at nursery. She loves books and loves being read to.

BUT she says she hates reading to herself. She did during lockdown, probably because she had so much time, but it has really tapered off now. She got given so many wonderful books for her recent birthday but she hasn't picked up a single one to read by herself (I will read them all to her, in time). Getting her to do her school reading is a huge chore, even though she can read all the books fluently.

Has anyone had a similar DC and is it just something I need to accept or is there a way for her to discover the joy of reading? I feel like she is missing out in a funny way - how lovely it is to get lost in a good book - but maybe that's just imposing my own thoughts/beliefs on her...

OP posts:
McClary111 · 17/02/2022 13:07

I would go to a good bookshop and let her choose something. Readly app is a magazine app with quite a few kids magazines available. Aquila magazine is good too and very varied.

Fabuleuse · 17/02/2022 13:07

I've got a 7.5 year old boy who is so similar. He also taught himself to read and was reading fluently long before school. He's still being given harder reading books than the rest of his class at school. He is always read to at bedtime and enjoys that but he won't ever pick up a novel for fun. He does sometimes dip into factual books like Guinness Book of World Records. The only time he's ever voluntarily read novels was for the library summer reading challenge last year - he is very motivated by achievements like earning the virtual badge on his online profile for that. As a child from ages 6-12 I pretty much permanently had my nose stuck in a book so I am a little sad he doesn't seem to like reading.

SnotMikeUpPuffedHe · 17/02/2022 13:10

I think at the moment just accept it as it is; the best way might just be to let her see you getting pleasure out of reading.

I am a massive bookworm from a family of massive bookworms. When I met my DH and was talking about him to my mum one of her first questions about him was 'what does he read?' and when I said 'he doesn't really' her reaction made it very clear she saw this as some sort of moral failing.

This is clearly so ridiculous that it made me examine my feelings about it all. I'm so glad I did because I now have two non-reading children; I think I could easily have made them feel I was disappointed in them for not reading if I had my own mother's attitude.

DH does read more now. Maybe the DC will when they're older. Maybe they won't. Either is fine.

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 13:10

It might be that she likes the time with you reading to her so is subconsciously resisting reading by herself incase story time with you ends?

BlackCoffeeInAPoolOfSunshine · 17/02/2022 13:10

I do think it's difficult for some people to accept that our children are absolutely separate people who may well be utterly different from us. I don't enjoy playing video games even though I can play them and sometimes play with one of my sons if he's having a bad day and feeling down, because it means a lot to him. My DH loses himself in a videogame given the opportunity the same way I lose myself in a good book - why don't/ can't I? Am I missing out?

I do think that adult type reading doesn't necessarily "kick in" until a certain fairly late stage of brain development. Being able to read functionally is only a part of the skill. It's not possible to "lose" yourself in a book if you're reading every word laboriously, and reading a school book aloud is totally different to listening to a good reader read to you, which is again utterly different from reading silently to yourself - and that isn't one experience either as a fully developed adult reader absorbing fiction for pleasure is having an experience with no meaningful similarity to the same adult reading a dry technical text, or a child reading one word at a time in a linear way even if silently.

My eldest loves to read now at 16 but I read to her until she was 13. She read some children's and teen fiction to herself but not much. Then suddenly at 13 she started to read the Brontës and Jane Austen at astonishing speed and no longer wanted to be read to 😱 It was a staggering developmental leap really, from the occasional Jaquelin Wilson, to The Hunger Games and Maze Runner but really only reading perhaps four or five books per year, to suddenly reading Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights and Emma all in one week and burning through my bookshelves, planning trips specifically to bookshops etc.

My 10 year old is dyslexic and yet has always liked to read, but for him it fulfills a need as he has problems sleeping and worries about not being able to sleep, and knowing that he has books is a security blanket, and reading helps him quiet his busy mind. He read comic type books (Captain Underpants, Dog Man, Hilo and we had a Beano subscription) for the longest time but more recently he reads on in Rick Riordan books I read to him at bedtime.

My 14 year old still doesn't read for pleasure really but he motors his way through a set reading list for extra credit for school to bring his grades up - he has to take comprehension tests on each book which makes it a chore and I'm on the fence about whether I think this is good as at least he reads or bad because it's potentially going to put him off coming to reading for pleasure in his own time one day.

My DH reads for pleasure sporadically - he'll get into a series or author and read one book after another for a few weeks or months then suddenly stop and not pick up a book again for a year... He says he never read a book voluntarily until his early 20s

In other words everyone is different, she isn't you and should be different to you. Don't push her - she might come to reading for pleasure all of a sudden much later than you expect.

BettyOBarley · 17/02/2022 13:12

I could have written this about my 8 year old DD.
She was a free reader by Year 1 but absolutely hates reading now. It's a hassle to even get her to read her school book.

I think part of the problem is she doesn't enjoy longer chapter books, I think she forgets what she's already read and then can't get into the book. Her teacher recommended Barrington Stoke books as they have shorter chapters.

Recently I've been sitting with her and we take it in turns to read a page and she seems to enjoy that, or her younger brothers books Julia Donaldson types which can be read in one sitting.

If I leave her to read her school book on her own she just says she's read it when she clearly hasn't.

It is a shame, I was only talking to her last night about all the books I loved at her age and we said we would read some together. I do agree that in our childhood we didn't have much TV or tablets so books were so much more appealing.

Swonderful · 17/02/2022 13:13

Audio books are great. I can't really understand why people see them as less good than actual reading. In fact they're probably better as you can't skim over them. They will still build vocab, grammar, imagination etc.

I much prefer podcasts/audio books over reading books as an adult. I do read a lot, but mainly boring stuff for work.

McClary111 · 17/02/2022 13:15

A few book suggestions (I have an eight year old).
Percy Jackson.
The endling (read this at school in year 2) but reread this year.
Philip Pullman - firework makers daughter, read during lock down and reread.
Phillip Pullman - northern lights graphic novel. In fact most Pullman books are popular.
Hilda and the troll graphic novels
The ordnance survey puzzle book - a bit random.
Those 1980s Ian Livingston choose your own adventure books. You need dice.
The famous five and Mallory towers.
Wizard of once books
Harry Potter - all of them!
A childrens/young persons bible. Not religious at all but enjoyed.
Horrible history books

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 13:16

I do think it's difficult for some people to accept that our children are absolutely separate people who may well be utterly different from us.

I so agree with this. I'm 34 and my mum seems confused about the fact that I'm an inch taller than her. "But I'm only 5"3 so you can't be 5"4" it's bizarre. Even shoe size, she can't seem to accept that we have different sized feet from each other.

DoctorSnortles · 17/02/2022 13:16

The Barrington Stoke books mentioned are really good for reluctant or tired readers (I do think sometimes children are too tired to tackle more challenging texts at bedtime).

FloBot7 · 17/02/2022 13:17

She might just not enjoy it. My DH hasn't read a book since he was in school. He can read, write and spell perfectly well and has a good degree but doesn't read books for pleasure. The last time we had a beach holiday I read several books but he was happy with podcasts, music, news articles etc. He says he just can't get into books, within a few pages he stops paying attention and wants to put it down.

FurryGiraffe · 17/02/2022 13:19

DS1 is a reluctant reader, which I've always felt slightly sad about (because I'm another who never had her head out of a book as a child). In his case, although his reading is excellent, it's never been something he found particularly easy, and when he was younger he really struggled to track the words across the page. We bought him a kindle for Christmas and the difference has been unbelievable. He has the font much larger than it would be in the equivalent printed book, and he's now reading for up to an hour a day.

FantasticFebruary · 17/02/2022 13:19

She clearly has too many fun options!!

As she's not watching much tv or a tablet/phone etc but doing 'real' things, I'd just back off tbh, the only things I'd do is let her choose a book from an actual bookshop (but go in for me as part of a a shopping trip for other things, not make a big deal of it) and hopefully she'll find something she wants to read! & go on from there.

AwkwardPaws27 · 17/02/2022 13:19

I was similar - learnt to read early, found that the books for my age were boring & the books for teens were all about things I wasn't interested in (boys, peer pressure etc).

Then my uncle gave me a completely inappropriate book (Firestarter by Stephen King) & I found a whole new genre 😆
I'm not suggesting Stephen King for your 8 year old (although I'm still hooked years later), but maybe a new genre will do the trick - Goosebumps or the "99 Fear Street" series, for example, if she might find horror a bit thrilling.

Porcupineintherough · 17/02/2022 13:21

I think she's still quite young so its probably still quite hard work for her to read to herself, esp if her taste in books is a little ahead of her reading age.

CrackerGal · 17/02/2022 13:23

Here's a link to some very good suggestions from a mighty girl (we took some from here originally).

Graphic novels my daughter really enjoyed:

Rania Telgemeier:
Smile
Sisters
Guts
The first 4x Babysitters Club Graphic novels.

Wolkwalkers
Coraline
The Graveyard Book (Neil Gainham)
Roller Girl
Invisible Emmie
Just Jamie
Camp & Click
Stargazing

You should be able to find all those by just putting the title into amazon.

There's also the Babysitters Club Little Sister series which my daughter didn't read yet.

www.amightygirl.com/books/fiction/graphic-novels

Hope that helps a bit!

MayMorris · 17/02/2022 13:35

2 sons. Both treated the same in terms of learning to read, being read to, listening to books on tape recordings etc , we had a house full of books
And both me and their father would be reading a lot too.
Eldest son would read by himself constantly. As adult he always has at least 1 book on the go.
Other son simply read when he had to. He loved listening to books and could do for hours . But I had to force him to read his books at school. I tried all sorts of books with him but he would give up after a few chapters. He still doesn’t read for pleasure now. His partner has tried to get him reading and again she has now given up. But he listens to audible a lot.

Both kids got degrees, in fact the non reader got a masters. So that wasn’t a problem

Some kids seem to never take to reading by themselves for pleasure. I think it must be to do with way their Brains work in terms of processing visual vs auditory information and that maybe links into the way their imagination works on conjuring up that world they are reading on paper. It quite a feet our brains can do that when you think about it, Don’t force it . Make sure she reads a bit, and for what is needed for school but then try audible or similar . this will still increase her vocabulary and knowledge and provide almost all of the benefits of reading

kindlyensure · 17/02/2022 13:36

Hmm, my DD was v similar. Amazing reading ability. Loved being read to. Really struggled to read a book to herself. Really liked audio books. We got them from the library - when cds were a thing - (do you have a CD player?!) The reason I mention cds is that some of the books we borrowed might be out of print/not digitised. The best we had was The Silk Sisters by Fiona Dunbar.

Easy entries into reading to herself were Harry Potter and Jacqueline Wilson (but you have to be careful with the latter as they can be a bit heavy issue going. She really liked Little Darlings and Hetty Feather for e.g.).

Both Rowling and Wilson write in a pacy way with straightforward sentences, a bit like Enid Blyton who is very accessible for readers who enjoy books but find it hard to concentrate or stick at it.

FredBair · 17/02/2022 13:39

My DC are adults now. Sometimes you just have to accept that not everyone enjoys reading for pleasure and it's better not to force it.
I do but DH does not.

DS1 could read fluently at 4. He was one of those kids queing at the bookshop for the latest Harry Potter.
He got to age 8 and stopped. Just didn't enjoy it any more.

It didn't affect him academically, he got all A*s at GCSE and A level and a first in Maths at uni.
He's 26 and probably hasn't read a book since he was 8.

DS2 was slow to learn to read and yet still reads for pleasure at 24.

sashh · 17/02/2022 13:39

I think when you read well as a child you run out of things to read that are age appropriate, I read 1984 when I was 12 or 13, I don't recommend it for a child.

Have you considered a kindle? You can get all the classics for free and lots of books for 99p.

And it is light, books can be heavy if you are small (or in my case have arthritis) and just holding the right page can be difficult.

And as someone else mentioned you can change the font and the size.

Opus17 · 17/02/2022 13:42

Could she be dyslexic? My cousins were both like this...both diagnosed with dyslexia in their teens.

firstchopanonion · 17/02/2022 13:42

@AwkwardPaws27 She does like Goosebumps - still wants me to read them to her though! Funnily enough I was also a huge horror/Stephen King fan as a child and read lots of inappropriate things far too young Smile

Thanks for the comic suggestions CrackerGal, I will take a look at those.

And to those who say remember she is different to you - oh yes, I know this, and the things she can do that I can’t and never have been able to absolutely delight and amaze me. I think reading is just something that brings me and DH such pleasure, and always has, that it’s more a case of wanting her to be able to experience that too. It’s a different sort of very pleasure to sport or play and so on. But if she doesn’t then she doesn’t.

OP posts:
firstchopanonion · 17/02/2022 13:44

I’d be amazed if she is dyslexic… she’s never had any issues with reading/writing/spelling ability. No signs of that at all.

@kindlyensure Hetty Feather (and the sequels) are her very favourite books Smile

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 17/02/2022 13:45

Maybe try something like graphic novels or comics/manga and see if she likes reading in a different format?

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