To feel overwhelmed.

[Putpabalh]

I'm awaiting biopsies and surgeries. For 3 years now Dr's have been bunging iron tablets at me and covid has prevented me from seeing a consultant for 18 months. I ended up in hospital in November. I felt like my body was shutting down after a heavy period. I had a blood test and the lab called me 2 hours later and said get straight to a&e you need a blood transfusion now. I got to the hospital and the waiting room was full with a 7 hour wait. But within 20 minutes they were sorting me. They said I'd be getting the first bed. I realised I was quite poorly. I was in 2 days. They only got my levels up to 70 from 50 but ideally they want them to 120-150 (iron) I came home without the awful symptoms I went in with but I still feel tired and sick.

I still live with my ex as we haven't sold the house yet. He had done no housework. So I went to stay at my boyfriends for 2 further days. In that time my mum defended my ex and said he was juggling work and the kids. Fair enough. She then asked me the following day If I had got the house in order. I remember wanting to cry because I felt like after years of my life being tiring I was still not being taken seriously. In the time before hospital I think my family thought I was snubbing them, being lazy and not pushing enough. All of it not the case and not once did they offer to take my kids to help me rest.

Anyway I've noticed I'm always overwhelmed the last few months. Everything feels too much all the time. Me and the ex are here half the week each and take it in turns to care for the kids. But he always leaves mountains of housework for me. I feel like when I'm home I'm chasing My tail to sort the house. He just hangs out with the kids and gets to be the fun dad.

It's currently the school holidays. I wanted some time with my kids to do my own thing. My parents made the usual comment of we never see them so you can bring them up. So I said OK Tuesday will work with the plan. But mum decided Tuesday they were busy. So I said OK Thursday. She suggested I offered a walk with my dad but its poured all week and she said if it was dry. Then last night she said it's dangerous winds the next 2 days so not worth the risk. So I said OK Saturday morning I will try but I'm due on so might feel unwell. She's text me this morning to say she will get back to me in abit If they think the weather's going to be OK.

I've got my daughters birthday this weekend. I need to tidy the house. Wrap her things. I need to bath the kids and stuff this morning. I just want to cry because they live 10 minutes away. My dad has a car. I've just got a text saying i have loads of time to do birthday wrapping. She said it is going to rain mid morning but I can go round if I want.

I know its just me and I obviously don't have the energy to get sorted and go round. I want to be left alone because there's too much I want to sort here.

I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think they understand how exhausted I get.

Speak up and stand up for yourself!

Just say no, OP. Tell them

“Sorry parents, but my medical condition is a real bitch and I need to rest or I’ll be too exhausted to do anything for DD’s birthday. The kids would REALLY love to see you though! I’ll have them ready to collect at xxx time and you can drop them back at xxx.”

You have two main issues. One the father of your children is not pulling his weight in the shared house. I don’t know how long you have to wait this out, and the childish going on strike won’t work because the children deserve a well ordered home. But he needs to go, or you need to make his life uncomfortable until he stops being a dirty bastard. The second is that it does not seem like your parents have any understanding of your life. Stick up for yourself, tell them, if they arse about on plans don’t do them, if they tell you that your ex being a lazy bastard is fine because children ask them if it is ok for you, and could they come over to clean later, because children. I would also stop expecting them to know you would like help-ask. If they say no, that’s fine.

@Crimeismymiddlename
@roseotter

Excellent advice from both posters.

You need vitamin b12 tablets in a strong dose. I recommend vitacity.

Say no to your parents and leave the housework for your Ex.

It's not nice for you and the DC to live in untidy house but as long as you carry on cleaning up everything where is the incentive to do any of it?

Just wash up the pots and pans you need to use, only enough laundry for the DC to use in your time - you could actually take it away with you and bring it back clean.

I ended up going and my 4 year old had a meltdown and had to bring him home after my dad told him off.

All my ex does is washes up. Pushes all the toys to one side and hoovers Downstairs. Never does the bathroom or washing. Never takes toys up. Or strip beds. Never washes anything down or mops. It's one of the reasons we split because he just is awful to live with in regards to keeping the home in order. I try my best for the kids. But it isn't easy.

I'm on a good vitamin but I have a period every 24 days and it lasts 6. So I only get 2.5 weeks in between. The time I went into hospital I bled so badly for 6 hours I was trembling and unable to walk for 2 days before. It was very scary. So although vitamins help a little they need to find the problem if that makes sense. They are trying a coil soon but because there are no obvious things on a scan such as fibroid they need to rule out sinister stuff and they are hoping it's hormones.

My parents don't know much about thr last year of my life. They haven't particularly asked. They almost don't acknowledge the new man I'm seeing. They don't ask for my plan. They don't ask if I need anything. Its all quite lonely.

"My parents made the usual comment of we never see them so you can bring them up. So I said OK Tuesday will work with the plan. But mum decided Tuesday they were busy. So I said OK Thursday. She suggested I offered a walk with my dad but its poured all week and she said if it was dry. Then last night she said it's dangerous winds the next 2 days so not worth the risk. So I said OK Saturday morning I will try but I'm due on so might feel unwell. She's text me this morning to say she will get back to me in abit If they think the weather's going to be OK."

If they want to see you, they can come to you. If they don't want to do that oh well that's a shame

Astonishing that your mother thinks an appropriate response to you being in hospital is to defend your ex then berate you for not tidying up immediately? Has she always been like this?

I absolutely agree they need to find the problem. I hope you can be kind to yourself and resolve these things with your parents and ex too.

I think that a ordinary multivit is good but the long bleed will deplete vitamin b12 as well as iron. This leads to fatigue, confusion, anxiety and poor memory. A higher dose is needed because it's like trying to carry water in a sieve until the issue is resolved properly.

A coil may reduce your bleeds but still depletes vit b12. (I am on my 3rd mirena coil. They used to stop my period completely, but I had heavy and long ones since ds2, and they brought it to a normal level.)

I still need a high level b12 usually in the winter. Not all the time. If you take that level all the time, it will make your extremities numb.

I am on well women complete package and its still not enough.

As a PP said, don't leave dishes and laundry there. Make him organise himself. Tell your parents how bad you feel and you'll catch them in a couple weeks. No feeling guilty!

About the docs, maybe there's a way to shift it along a bit?

Is it possible that if you didn't have brain fog you'd likely have found these solutions or another solution by now?

Or will these not work? I hope to help in anyway x

An afterthought which should have come first;

What would happen if you called your ex and asked him to come clean up for the party?