Name change.... cos I feel like a fool & posting in here for late night traffic.
Just almost been hoodwinked by my ex. He'd apparently changed but on his first week back working day shift, he's on the beer & back to his verbally abusive self. Of course, he only says these things for my own good or because I deserve it or because he's actually the nice guy victim & I'm the real abuser or because he loves me.
He's suddenly switched to being cocky because he's got himself a date on Saturday (via OLD) whom he deems suitably worthy of his attention (his sense of entitlement is off the scale). They've had a video call already & she's proved she's not ugly, short, fat & got nice teeth. I didn't go running back to him when he clicked his fingers you see, I was wary & he doesn't like having to wait for what he wants. I genuinely feel worried for her. She's in for a honeymoon period then a baptism of fire that'll see her self esteem hit the floor & her mental health spiral rapidly downwards..... unless she's an alcoholic in denial too, then they can make each other's life a misery.
I was so close to running back to him. Literally a whisker away. He's been so lovely for the last week (messages, voice calls & video calls). If I hadn't felt so ill today I'd have driven up tonight & I wouldn't have been able to resist him. I'd have abandoned everything good that I've built & rebuilt over the last few months, only for the cycle of abuse to start again.
I'm really upset because I'd put so much work into healing & then back he came, spinning a yarn because he was lonely & I fell for the 'new me' crap. BUT I suspect I'll look back in the future & think 'lucky escape'.
Sorry for the moan. Make me feel better please by telling me about your lucky escapes.