To have been hurt by this response?

[guuuuh]

I've posted about this before as it's something I struggle with so much. I've suffered from disordered eating (binge eating due to childhood trauma) and my weight for as long as I can remember. Currently feeling really anxious as I have so many plans coming up which are likely to mean I binge/gain weight and it's on my mind a lot.

I just sat down with my partner after eating loads of snacks and said, "I'm feeling really insecure about my weight at the moment and my eating, I am really struggling to not binge"

And his reply was, "just don't, then."

It felt like a kick in the stomach after I've spent days feeling anxious and insecure, almost as if I'm just being greedy and out of control. I then told him this and he said "oh you always moan at me for something."

Is there anyone here who suffers from the same/similar issues around mental health, weight loss and disordered eating? How do you cope during times of insecurity? I want to ditch the scales too but that's an even bigger source of anxiety. Xx

It’s hard when it becomes a focal point of your universe and you use those who are closest to you as a sounding board, when there’s not a lot they can do to help.

@CrushedPistachios trust me I know it's hard. It's so fucking hard. But I barely talk to him about it, I was just hoping he'd be a bit more empathetic

I think eating disorders are really tough for others to understand and know how to effectively support. So I would find someone who gets it you can call on in future should you need to.

Or it could be that they dont want to help. It could be the start of conditioning you not to express any need, make any demand of them.

Or they could just be having a bad day and cant deal with this right now.

What is your dp like if you ask for help or support with easier things?

If you haven’t talked to him about it, do you think he really understands how much you’ve struggled?
His response is really dismissive and I can understand why you’d feel hurt.

It wasn't the most empathetic response and it sounds like he's coming from a place where he just doesn't understand and has never been there himself. And also he just can't be bothered to discuss it?

Does his comment that you're always moaning about something ring at all true - maybe not about just this subject as you said you barely talk to him about it, but about other things?

I can lose patience with my DH when he's on a negative spiral - I'm not suggesting that's what happening with you but just wondering about his comment afterwards

I've noticed a lot of men are like this about food. They often don't understand the emotional element of food. My dh would probably say similar! I also have noticed that some men don't see much point in talking for the sake of talking. In his mind, you have a problem. He's given you what he thinks is a solution to the problem. You want to talk about it. You have different approaches

My DH would have said the same. I imagine I'd say the same to him back tbh. Maybe a Facebook group for people struggling with binge eating would be a more understanding and supportive place for you to talk about it?

I'm wondering having seen a similar situation like this before. Was he supportive at the start? If he's change and now being short and blunt with you perhaps he's lost his motivation to be encouraging and supportive. Sadly this is likely to be a no win situation.

You sadly can't just change your feelings over night and he may not be able to find the energy to support you. If all of this is true then you may need to consider if the relationship is a help to you or not?

It might just be a one of and whilst it hurts try and raise that what he said wasn't helpful and see how he responds. You need supportive friends and family and if they aren't then perhaps it's time to cut them loose.