To think there is something wrong with DP

[Newjourney2894]

Hi all, I am not sure what how to say this or what I even want to say but I’ve been with DP for nearly 6 years ago and we’ve been engaged for 2 1/2 years and got 2 children together. We are happy but something is niggling us both.. it’s come to our realisation that DP cannot conduct himself socially very well at all and he is terrible at communicating.

Our neighbour has commented since we both but our house on the market that she doesn’t like him as he is rude and unapproachable, DP has a very strange relationship with his family where no one seems close with one another and none of his family seem to acknowledge me or the children..

We have always had a really good relationship where we talk well to one another but in 2020 just after our son was born he got fired because he had been in trouble at work since 2019 when I had poor health after our oldest DC was born. He told me that he didn’t tell me due to being worried about my mental health but I said I would rather have known than not known.

I said I would always rather know things than not.. skip to present day and he messaged family asking for an update on some inheritance we are waiting for which is part of the condition of our house purchase because we have debt and family have basically scolded him and told him he was crass..

I’ve told him I think he has a problem socially conducting himself but i can’t put my finger on what it could possibly be? He is 3 years older than me and sometimes I don’t know how he even functions without me at times 🙁

Sounds like either social anxiety, or ASD/autism spectrum disorder.
Have a look at these conditions.

@GreenDressRedWine

Do you think he could be autistic? What do your family and friends think of him?

I hate that mumsnet sees autism as the answer to every awkward man ... but in your case OP, I think there's a fair chance pps are right. You won't be able to fix him but I hope you can work things out between you.

I’ve just read up the symptoms of autism in adults and I guess he does fit that criteria apart from the one about making friends.. when we met he had a large large group of friends and he does a very sociable hobby but he lost the friend group but has maintained doing the hobby.

He still has lots of group chats etc. About the hobby though which he is responding to daily so I don’t know

Hi OP,

Tbh I struggled a bit to follow your post and some of your story is a bit muddled / confused sounding..

@yamalt, sorry if it sounded confusing basically I am trying to get some advice on whether I should recommend DP speak to a GP about his social skills as he seems to basically struggle with simple social interactions.

There have been a few people including myself once or twice that have pointed to either me or him directly that DP is not very sociable and that he can come across as a bit distant and unapproachable and at one point the neighbour has described as frankly rude. He has always communicated with me okay up until he got fired and it turned out he had many warnings about it but he didn’t feel he could tell me.

He doesn’t speak to family very well or have proper interactions with them… which is probably why he has been accused of being crass after checking in with extended family about some inheritance.

He also struggles to discuss things on the phone so he always passes enquiries onto myself which at first I thought it was just because I had a job in a contact centre so I am more confident on the phone but now I worry that there actually be something up.

He is worried too and ever since I pointed out that he is not just low confident or shy because he talks all the time to people if he feels close enough but as soon as you try a conversation which is considered important he goes to pot basically

May be aspergers.

Can come across as grumpy and can't read social clues, but high functioning and (in my experience), lovely partners a d fathers!