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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Emotional Support Severely Lacking

4 replies

Seenoevil1 · 16/02/2022 19:52

Looking for advice please but also here to vent. My husband helps me in practical ways, he loves cooking, is good with lap-top, phone stuff etc but is awful at emotional support.
E.g I am just home after a car ran into the back of me. The back of my car is damaged and I got a bit of a jolt
I sat for 2 hours waiting on the other driver's emergency pick-up as she was a young girl in her 20s and very shaken. I was worried about her and she lives further away. We waited in our separate cars and sorted out the insurance there and then. At least neither of us was hurt though she was very shocked.

When I got home the adrenaline wore off and I'm now feeling a bit shaky. My husband has really let me down and often does in crisis times. He was moaning at me for going out in stormy weather (true enough we had a storm forecast and I was just going for a couple of things at a food shop 20 mins away. Then he announced 15 mins after I got home and discussed the crash that: he was going to the pub, otherwise 'we would just talk about the car' I told him I needed his support/wanted his company...the row escalated and now I'm in my room on my own, cheesed off when all I wanted was a bit of company and support? Any advice?

I kind of feel like he tried to punish me for being in a car accident and I always feel emotionally unsupported by him - yet practically he is ok. This is happening too often though and I would welcome your views as I don't want to confide in my friends. We've been together for 27 years and he has been like this for the past ten years while not really helping me deal with caring for my late father, he became a bit more selfish from that period and did not really help me much or visit my Dad with me so I have some resentment there too.
I suppose I'm asking am I being unreasonable in expecting more emotional support?
Thanks x

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 16/02/2022 19:55

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. One if the main things about actually being in a marriage is that you provide emotional support when the other needs it. If that does not happen then it just a sex and financial partnership. That may work for some people but it wouldn’t for me.

Seenoevil1 · 16/02/2022 20:02

Thank you. xx

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/02/2022 19:38

You are welcome, I’m sort you did not get more responses (maybe the time of day, I’m an expat in the US).
Have you spoken about this to him at all?

Seenoevil1 · 19/02/2022 09:41

Thanks things have improved and he realises he was lacking. My man is very facts-driven and often lacks empathy. I'll just need to call him out on it. He has other good points.
I really appreciated you responding. Flowers

OP posts:
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