For wanting a break?

[RedCandyApple]

I’m a lone parent, as in totally alone no other input from the other parent. It’s been this way for a few years now so I do everything alone. I never get a break from my children as I don’t have family that will help. I often envy other single parents who have exes involved who look after their kids and often feel sad that I don’t get a break and dream of having a regular break when the child is with the other parent. This isn’t because I don’t love my children or don’t like spending time with my children but I just find doing it all and never getting a break very difficult. Half terms and holidays are extra difficult. However I’ve noticed that most other single parents (where the father is involved) seem to really dislike the other parent being around with comments such as “they don’t like sharing their children” or “ didn’t have children to not see them every day” it makes me feel like a bad mum for wishing for a break from mine, I would give anything to have a regular break (over nights/ weekends etc) Does that make me a bad mum for wishing for a break from mine? I seem to be on my own with it from what I see of other single parents saying they can’t function without their kids there, they have no life without them, no purpose, spend all day crying. I am not talking about cases where there is abuse or safeguarding reasons as that’s not the reasons they are upset, they say their exes are good dads just can’t bare being away from their kids. Aibu for wanting a break?

YANBU at all for wanting a break and it doesn't mean you don't love your DC.

How old are they? Are there any activities like cubs or dancing or something you could enroll them in so that you can at least have an hour or two to yourself? Mutual swap with another parent where you take theirs for a few hours and in exchange they take yours?

No I don’t have friends that can take my kids I have 4 so that’s not really an option, they have been to clubs before but aren’t at any atm. They are 11 down to 4.

People forget that even if you are a single parent with no job you are basically in a full time career. Your shift may end if you have a job but kids are a 24/7 career.

You're human and everyone needs time to themselves. If you have a bath tub for example this could be a good space to have some time to yourself. Put on some music, read the news, soak in the bubbles. Perhaps you could make friends with other parents who the children could hang out with. That could buy you an afternoon for example. Of course they'd expect you to return the favour.

YADNBU to need a break, parenting feels relentless even when there's two of you so your circumstances are particularly hard. That said I think we tend to want what we haven't got. Those parents in your situation will sometimes wish they had someone to share the load and those with co-parents will sometimes wish they didn't have to share. It's human nature and absolutely understandable in your position, it's bloody hard on your own and natural to wonder if the grass would be greener.

I think the trick is probably to make our peace with wishing things were different and try to make the best of what we've got, although that's probably a thought for tomorrow when you're hopefully feeling a bit better. I'm in the same boat but for different reasons, I literally never get a break from DC and am alone most of the time, it's bloody hard

Not at all. I love my boys but I can count on one hand the number of breaks I've had over 8 years. The last one being two years ago when I was rushed to hospital. I'd love to have a full weekend to myself.

We have no family to have the kids. 2 of us and very hands on dad and I still feel the same. Fantise about Weekends away I see friends having who have exs or involved grandparents. Work whilst they are at school. So it must be 110% harder on your own

Well I’m glad it’s not just me, thank you, I don’t feel so bad now. I often wonder if the people that feel this way have a lot of family help so get relief in other ways so don’t “need” their ex.

I definitely don't have help, worse still I have people who say they will help and then don't! I've pretty much accepted it's just me but that doesn't mean I don't resent it sometimes

Crikey no. I'd be looking at summer schemes

Defo not unreasonable.
Currently on mat leave with twins and fantasise daily about going back to work just for the break and a hot cup of tea.

My exDH was never a hands on DF. When we split he went to live abroad, my DS never really noticed. I am thankful though that I don't have to share custody with a person who doesn't put my DC first, like I do. Not sure that makes sense?
As my DC has got older, I often say things like 'kitchen is closing in 10mins' (like last orders at the bar) and DC knows not to come down and request anything. I can then relax, watch a film or have a glass (or few) of wine.

It is hard being a single Mum and dare I say it, it is different to those that have a DF who takes them regularly. It's not comparable to having responsibility 365 days of the year, no way! Please believe me, it gets easier.

It’s relentless. I see that Home Start have volunteers who would come once a week and can give you a short break. I intend to volunteer once I am retired and would be happy to help someone have a break once a week. Not much I know but a couple of hours to yourself can give a little boost. Also it will get better once they are all a few years older. It will pass.

Home-visiting volunteers:

help you establish routines for you and your children while you’re going through such a huge change to your life
play and read with your children
listen to your worries, concerns and hopes for your family
be there because they want to be – not because someone has ‘sent’ them
offer a shoulder to cry on
share their own experiences of parenting and family life
give you a break
offer advice if you ask for it
provide support, friendship and encouragement
help you get to appointments
help you access benefits, grants and financial support
help you use local services or specialist support
help you get involved with your local community

Same as you, single mum too, I adore my 9 year old dd but I would love the odd Friday night to myself, hot bath, dinner, crap tv, bed !!!

Home start also do group activities which you can attend with all your children.

Thanks I’ve heard about home start but you need a child under 5 my youngest will be 5 in may.

Hi OP, from their web pages -
“Most Home-Start teams work with families with children under five. An increasing number of Home-Starts support families with a youngest child older than five, so you should still discuss the family with your local Home-Start.”
Honestly, I think they would be sympathetic to your case with 4 under 11.

Thank you I will take a look

Don't worry about what other people say. Firstly, it's different actually being in that situation. Second, even if they really would love to be with their kids 24/7, everyone is different. I have a friend who is a SAHP and also doesn't like to go anywhere without her kids ever. That's genuinely what she likes. I enjoy time with my kids but I also enjoy working and having social time away from them. Neither of us is wrong, just different.