Would it be unreasonable to send a card?

[smellycat21]

Posting here for traffic.

Our close friend has had a lot of struggles with her mental health over the last few years (bipolar disorder). She is a gentle, kind and patient soul who hates confrontation.

She started to get irritable (very out of character) a few months ago and withdraw socially. We were meeting for lunch as a group and a couple of weeks ago and while we thought it would be too much for her, we didn't want to not ask so put the info in the WhatsApp chat and she has left the group. She has also deleted pretty much everything off her social media and stopped posting.

I've been reading up on bipolar and it sounds like the irritability could be hypomania which seems to be followed by depression, shame and guilt for how you've behaved when hypomanic.

Would it be a good idea to send a card? I saw some on Etsy that just say 'here when you need me' and thought of just signing it inside as a sort of low level gesture where she's not under pressure to respond (like with text) but knows people still care. She's a really good person and we miss her desperately.

I think that would be lovely.

I suffer horribly from depression and often withdraw from people -although not to the extent of deleting myself from chat groups. The problem with withdrawing is that it’s very hard to then feel that you can just pop up again. Receiving a card would allow her to contact you again if she felt able.

You sound like a lovely friend.

A friend of mine has bipolar disorder too and its tricky because when they're coming out of hypo you can never tell how they'll take something.

I think the risk of her being upset/annoyed at you contacting her is outweighed by her knowing she is cared for if she is experiencing depression.