Just looking for some opinions on what you might do in a similar situation.
I have a difficult (troubled maybe) FIL, he’s been a consistently awful father to my DH throughout our relationship, and his whole upbringing from what my DH tells me.
I genuinely think he’s very unhappy and takes it out on others; but I’m getting to the point where I’m not sure how much more I can take; or want my children to grow up with!
Some examples are: when I was three months pregnant with our first child my DH called his Dad to ask him to go for a beer, where he was planning on telling him (first Grandchild). His Dad said he was busy and would let him know when he was free…five months past and DH hadn’t heard back!
DH bumped into him in the street one day and told him I was 8 and a half months pregnant..
FIL then took to Facebook to announce he would be a Grandfather and went on to make it all about himself.
When our second child was born we did a family sweep stake which FIL happened to win.. we turned up the day after the baby was born, and left the baby and envelope on the doorstep (hid around the corner), he took the baby in (and us by this point) didn’t look at him, opened the envelope, threw the card (didn’t read DH’s long message) counted the money, put it in his wallet.. never did we receive even so much as a card for the baby. He then took a photo of us 4, DH asked him not to put it on Facebook as we hadn’t told all of the family yet but he did!
DH asked him to take it down as our grandparents etc hadn’t been told and he said no!
Many stories from DHs childhood of very sad upbringing: split parents, went to Dads at weekends; once when he was 15 and found out a friend could come and stay (all about your friends at 15) he phoned his Dad to tell him he wouldn’t be coming that weekend and he told him to ‘F off and Die’! Then hung up!
He sees us around 5/6 times a year; he only lives 20 minutes away, and every single time takes hundreds of selfies with the children and plasters them all over Facebook, being the ‘Grandad’ of the year! This is when we’re still with him.. in the two hours we see him he spends half an hour doing this, and it’s obviously for other peoples benefit. This is annoying alone but we can learn to ignore it.
He’s never been to our house to visit us or the children, sold his car as he ‘doesn’t need one’.. only wants to meet last minute a few times a year, which always feels like his other plans have fallen through, and we have to go to him.
Lately his been attacking a particular woman on Facebook!! (Honestly it’s mad). Humiliating her, boasting that she’s blocked him.. I’ve always held back from saying anything (and he does many things) however found myself commenting the classic Caroline Flack quote of ‘In a world where you can be anything #bekind’.
Straight away he messaged my DH saying I don’t know what I’m talking about etc etc… I told my DH what I commented and just to ignore it, so he did, as explained above it’s not unusual for them not to have contact.
Anyway, he’s now asked my DH to go for ‘a beer and a catch up’!!! This is literally unheard of, never in our whole relationship has this happened and it’s obviously from my comment on FB.
I will let my DH decide of course, it’s his Dad. Should I be worried that he might be starting to meddle with us now? As he was obviously offended. Should I just ignore it? DH knows what he’s like.
I must say though DH is extremely forgiving of him, I’m amazed the things he let’s go.. which is a huge quality of his but sometimes too much in my opinion.
FIL is alone, has two divorces/had two affairs. DH and us as a family have a lovely relationship with his Step Mother (ex wife of FIL).
It’s getting to the point where I know longer want to see him, but do for my DH. At what point do you let DH visit alone? Or should I suck it up for him?
He constantly says offensive things when do visit as well; I just find him an absolute drain.. a bad example for the children, and cannot believe the lack of respect he treats DH with.
Advice please?