"He's always been on the 99th centile"

[StickerPlace]

I'm in a bad mood this morning. So I may we'll BU.

But I've seen this twice today. (Granted was on the same thread about child size)

But I feel like I've read/heard that comment so many times. But it can't be true?

Or are the 1% of parents with 99% children very keen to talk about that?

(FWIW just weighed/measured mine for new dance uniform as had a growth spurt and nothing fits and 11th centile.)

@LimeSegment

You’re projecting adult body issues onto a child around being petite, children just want to fit in and not look too different from their peers.

Its society that projects them on to children. Even in early primary girls especially want to be thin/don't want to be big. In pre school they don't really notice size differences, let alone get upset about it. So yes I call bs on OPs daughter crying because she was the most slim and petite in her dance class. And that it was boastful 99th centilers that made her cry.

This post was mainly about what parents said to me - completely removed from DD being involved at all.

• I've already stated that I make sure DD is aware it's fine to be small and how we use Janet Manrara (her favourite) as an example for her.

• there's no BS involved at all. She has genuinely come home from school more than once having been called skinny/small. But she's the age now to notice she has classmates in shoes like bigger kids while hers are the Velcro across little girl school shoes. Or that the age on her clothes is younger than her real age etc.

But she's the age now to notice she has classmates in shoes like bigger kids while hers are the Velcro across little girl school shoes. Or that the age on her clothes is younger than her real age etc.

You can buy buckle shoes in the smallest sizes from Start Rite, if it would make her feel better? As for the clothing size thing, I think kids struggle with that in both directions, because things are so black and white for little kids. My eldest has 5-6 tights and trousers and I get, 'But I'm not 5! I'm 3!' (We have to take them in a bit with needle and thread at the waistband because she's not got the body width of a 5-6 year old, she's just too tall for the 3-4 year old and 4-5 year old ones. 🤷)

[quote Nc4post99]@CovoidOfAllHumanity we have the same story there! It’s so stressful! My daughter is 2 and they’re still trying to work out why she’s short (10th centile). Do you mind me asking how tall your daughter is now and how old she was when she caught up? We were always told 2 as the magic age, if it’s not happened by 2 it won’t happen etc[/quote]
DD is 15 now and she is 5ft 4, size 5 feet, size 8 clothes in teen shops like top shop which I think is average

I don't recall exactly when it stopped being such an issue. In reception we still had a letter of concern home from the growth check that she was too small but by the Y6 one we didn't anymore so it must have been in between those times.

I had her brother when she was 4 and after the consultant told me when I was pregnant with him that she was likely normal and the size she is supposed to be all along I felt I had permission to worry less about it. Also there is less focus on all this checking and weighing of growth when they get to school age so that allowed us just to relax about it. Her eating got a lot better when I was less worried. She had always been very fussy before that and now she is quite adventurous and likes to cook new recipes for herself. I honestly believe all the focus on her weight as a baby could have screwed us both up if it had gone on a lot longer.

@LimeSegment would you also like to call BS on my 2.5 year old who got upset because someone called her a baby last week and who because she’s small constantly gets pushed around at soft play.

The baby incident went as follows. We were at a museum. DD walking around mesmerised at the exhibits, I’m pushing her baby brother in the pushchair along side her. Someone comes up to us and says oh she’s beautiful bla bla bla, how old is she? I say she’d 2 and a bit; to which the woman says oh she’s so small I thought she was a baby, I say she’s 2 and a bit, woman then crouches down to dd who stopped and listened to the conversation, woman says oh you’re just like a little baby aren’t you? Dd gets upset and says my not baby [her name] not baby. She talked about how she wasn’t a baby the rest of the day and now occasionally still wakes up in the night saying ‘not a baby no’

So yes as a society we project onto children body issues but shortness is one of them! Our society is obsessed with chubby babies and big children

@CovoidOfAllHumanity see your dd for 15 is exactly slap bang normal in my opinion! Size 8, 5ft 4 is a normal size for a woman. It’s just on here there is some thing about everyone being 7ft tall and having to shop in special shops for shoes. Also people are so much heavier now a days that being a size 8 seems tiny.

I’m 30 and out of my core group of school friends I still keep in touch with, no one weighs over 9.5 stone or is over 5ft5. I don’t think we look weirdly small when we are out and about !

I have 3 dc. 1 of them was over the 99th, 2nd one was on the 50th, 3rd again on the 99th. They're now fully grown and have absolutely met their centile predictions for height - ds (6' 4") and dd2 (5' 9") are well over average height and dd1 is average/small for our family (5' 5"). I spoke about them at a young age in terms of centiles at times purely because we have a huge range of heights and body shape types both within and between my DH and my families. When we get together with our parents/siblings, we have half of them who are v tall/slim hipped/no boobs and the other half who are far shorter/wider hipped/generous boobs and it's really quite funny to see. I love the fact that genes work in this way and that you would never put our 3 dc in the same extended family, never mind as siblings...they look terrifically different in every way EXCEPT when they smile, as you can then see the resemblance around the eyes. I love it.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity that’s really reassuring thank you! We’re in to see endocrinology in the next few min months around her 10th centile height. I’m finding myself obsessing, there’s so much pressure on parents to get children to grow.

Your dd is bang on 50th centile which is great. Mind me asking what her birthweight was. The consultants also told me my daughter was constitutionally small but still forced an induction and clearly didn’t pass the message onto the health visitors

@Bunnycat101

JassyRadlett Exactly this. My 5yo is in a swim class with older children but because she’s tall it’s not that obvious she’s much younger. Her confidence took a bit of a battering as the older kids have greater strength and coordination and we’re picking up the skills quicker. I had to have a chat and say she is only 5 you know and the teacher was quite shocked. She gives her a bit more support and help now.

This ^!!!

How many times! My then 5 yr old son playing tennis towering over the other 4 and 5 year olds. Or now age 7 lined up in swimming towering over every other kid there - overhear other mum saying, why is that older boy in the group , he should be a better swim by his age etc etc.

It's actually heartbreaking. Would much rather my child was small.

It's actually heartbreaking. Would much rather my child was small.

Or at least closer to average? I see the flipside - a close friend has a son who’s 9, who is the same height as my 6yo. He gets a really tough time at school because of his height, so I can see it both ways. There are positives to height (probably more so for boys).

It's a double whammy with tall kids they get comments and unkind names and then when the cry because of it they get told they are 'too big' to cry.

DD was 2.4kg at birth. I remember it in kg because if she had been 2.5kg she would not have had to go to SCBU to be monitored and be given top ups through an ng tube.

It's so crazy feeling like you have failed if they don't grow isn't it because as long as you are offering them nutritious food realistically what else can you do? You can't force it down them and you can't make them grow. There was so much stress and pressure around food and weight from her being a tiny baby for years that I do genuinely believe was futile and counterproductive and I wish we had been left to it as she was clearly healthy although small.

It's only a competition if you view life through such a lens.

For someone to state a fact regarding their child's percentiles that is then taken as a brag says an awful lot more about you than the parent discussing height.

It's ridiculous.

My 2 year old dd is 99th and I know this and discuss it as people mention it almost DAILY. It's remarkable how much bigger she is than her peers. I worry for her occasionally, knowing that installing self confidence and not making a thing of it will be crucial for her in years to come if she continues on this path. But perhaps I shouldnt say anything now, for fear of offending the permanently offended. I'll just let everyone else comment on her instead.

And yes, i cannot emphasise enough how much I agree with the hundred other posters stating that only the parents of the extremes notice or mention percentiles. And that a skewed population comments on threads such as this. Can the OP come back and acknowledge this??

Indeed. My friends had a tiny baby a few months before my last one.
Sensibly they realised that she was just destined to be small (Dad had maternal aunts that were something like 4'10). She carried on tracking along the same line, perfectly healthy just smaller than her peers.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

DD was 2.4kg at birth. I remember it in kg because if she had been 2.5kg she would not have had to go to SCBU to be monitored and be given top ups through an ng tube.

It's so crazy feeling like you have failed if they don't grow isn't it because as long as you are offering them nutritious food realistically what else can you do? You can't force it down them and you can't make them grow. There was so much stress and pressure around food and weight from her being a tiny baby for years that I do genuinely believe was futile and counterproductive and I wish we had been left to it as she was clearly healthy although small.

Ah @CovoidOfAllHumanity mine was 2.3kg, they must have changed policy from your DDs birth to mine as she was just on the ward, no scbu or anything they just wanted to watch her blood sugar. She was 2nd centile at her 6 week check and good god the grief we had that she was still on the same centile at 3 months. I was told they have expected her 9/25, then at 4 months, when she was 2/9 they wanted 25/50th, and at 6 when she finally was 9/25 they wanted 50th and it never stopped. We were accused of underfeeding her, without even asking in a day what she had. We were given so much awful advice, no more milk at 7 months just solids, even when she’s turning her face away and crying keep spooning it in. It was awful and set her up for food problems!

It’s awful isn’t it, aside from giving them food you as a parent have very little power to make their bones grow.

It sounds like your daughter was exactly where she needed to be and had a growth spurt a bit later. I’m hoping it’s the same for my daughter. I was even seeing a counsellor because all the pressure gave me anxiety.
I really hope she doesn’t get bullied, she already has people call her a baby and talk about her like she doesn’t understand and kids push her around at soft play and she get so sad- it’s very hard to watch.
All the people that say they’d rather a small child than a big one, you’ve got no idea. The grass is always greener I suppose.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity @StickerPlace

My 5MO was 2.1k at birth and didn’t need any help what so ever, although they did tell me to be prepared for her to go to NICU.

She’s still tiny now and has never been great with milk and my HV has been pestered me to start her on purées (surprisingly as HV are normally very anti weaning till 6M) but I can see she is a very healthy baby she just has slow weight gain - my mum said I was the same!

Her size wouldn’t faze me if it wasn’t for the comments constantly. Yes I know she’s small, yes I am feeding her

I had one on 99.6 and one on 0.4.... 89.6 held his line and 0.4 spectacularly climbed to 50th by adulthood ....

It is a long time ago now and I hope they have changed things but they had her labelled as IUGR although the consultant later said that was incorrect as she was symmetrically small. I felt I had no choice at all in what was done. She was induced because of being 'small for dates', therefore I couldn't go to the midwife led unit and had a very medicalised birth with regular VEs and a drip and gave birth on my back because I was wired up to monitors. (When I had my son at the MLU years later things were so much more relaxed; no VEs at all, no drip, I could walk around and even have something to eat!)

Then as soon as they weighed her they took her away to SCBU when I had barely had a chance to cuddle her and I just cried and cried (they wrote 'mum is very emotional' in my notes as though that was being a drama queen) Next time I saw her after my stitches she already had an ng and had been given a formula feed down that without anyone asking my consent at all. I was not allowed to even try to feed her myself. It was days before I could put her on my breast up til then I had to express as they said bf would exhaust her. Then they enforced a 4hrly schedule with me desperately trying to keep her awake to feed. And so it continued when we got home with all the professionals expressing huge amounts of concern at her tiny size and joe public in the street too. Some people just point blank refused to believe me that she wasn't premature. She stubbornly just continued to track her 0.4th centile until we gave up weighing her when she was probably 3.
I also was told to wean her early but she just turned her face away and spat it all. We had endless battles of me trying to bribe her to eat 'just one more spoonful'
In the end we saw a sensible dietician (after a number of not sensible health visitors and dieticians) who advised I stop stressing, offer the food with no cajoling or bribery and throw it away without comment if not eaten and just continue to breastfeed which we did (on the quiet, mainly at night to avoid my mums disapproval) until age 2.

If I had my time over and was as old and grumpy as I am now I think I would have told them all to piss off and let us get on with it.

@Thefaceofboe my little girl is not even on the chart. Born very early and had a poor start (adopted), she’s likely to make 4’7/8, she’s under a paed and an Endocrinologist… When we meet new people, they always comment on her height and say ‘oh she’ll catch up’, it makes me really cross (even though I know it comes from good intentions). My answers have become quite sharp now - because it does her no good to think she ‘will catch up’. Despite being small, she’s a force! She incredibly smart, sarcastic, manipulative, totally gorgeous and incredibly strong - if anyone can pull it off, she can!

My DD was 2.4 kg at birth - before she was born I was told I had a low fundal measurement (?) but the MWs said yeah but you're small so that's fine. Then we moved and the MWs at the new GP surgery seemed to panic and referred me for a Doppler scan, put me under a consultant and made me attend appointments where I had to monitor my own baby's movements. The sonographer said that the Doppler was fine and that the scan showed that the baby's head was fine, it was just that she didn't have the usual layer of fat that babies are born with. When she was born the MWs just monitored her to make sure she was feeding OK and that she could maintain her body temperature.

She was on a low centile for height and weight (can't remember what now) but she followed the line pretty consistently so HVs were fine about it. She's now 15, about 5'2 with size 4 feet, always been really healthy. There does seem to be a bit of an obsession with height in children, no idea why. The people I know who are quite tall seem to have either back or knee problems.

Nope, DD3 was by far the longest baby I had on the 40th and by 4 months she was above 99th - ex is 6ft6 to my 5ft2 - DD is now 6, towers over her female classmates and is skinny as a rake.

In all my time having babies/at baby and toddler groups, I don't think I've ever had a conversation about what centile my children are on 😂🙈. I don't even know. And DC1 was premature so it must have come up at some point!
But people on this thread talking about what centile their 12 year olds are on - surely health concerns notwithstanding, noone is plotting their pre-teens height against a wee chart in the red book?!

@DistantSkye

In all my time having babies/at baby and toddler groups, I don't think I've ever had a conversation about what centile my children are on 😂🙈. I don't even know. And DC1 was premature so it must have come up at some point! But people on this thread talking about what centile their 12 year olds are on - surely health concerns notwithstanding, noone is plotting their pre-teens height against a wee chart in the red book?!

To be fair, I did. I added in their height etc every year on their birthday until adulthood. Obviously like everyone else who continued, I just added to it when the HV stopped. I had a particular reason which was, after 2 house moves while DC were pre school and the a renovation in the 3rd house, I realised that the tradition of marking height on the doorframe wasn't working for us so at the point where the wall that I'd been using to mark was knocked down, I measured the marks and transferred them to the book and continued to add the birthday measuring tradition to the book as well.

In latter years it was quite interesting with my 2 boys enjoying seeing who was the tallest at what age.

I do think it's important to note whether your child is reaching their growth milestones though in order to pick up issues. A friends DC was late in getting support for growth issues as he'd always been small so they didn't notice that his growth was slowing.

For balance OP, I have two DC. Both are totally average in height and weight. They wear clothes sizes labelled for their age in shops. They even have ordinary sized feet as well 😊

My son is over 99th centile height. I have often find myself mentioning it through his life mainly because he is severely autistic and very delayed, which appears even more pronounced when people think he is older because of his height.

DS17 was 95th cerulean for height from birth and has remained there until the last couple of years when he has crept up to 98th centimetres. Weight wise he followed 75th centile so always lean and tall for his age. He is now coming to the end of puberty but struggles to put on weight. He’s doing PE A level so following a diet and exercise routine in order to bulk out a bit ( he’s a rugby player so now needs a bit more bulk). It is fascinating how he has really muscles up and managed to actually gain weight but the aim is to cut down once he has reached the size he wants then lose the excess fat to define his new muscle. He is probably eating double the daily calories but only doing weights. The excess fat will disappear rapidly once he starts running and reduces the calories.
One side effect is the improvement in his skin. He’s never been really spotty but the high protein diet has really helped his skin. He used to be a real carb addict but has cut down massively. His friends and he are all doing the same, instead of carb heavy lunches they pick the salad, rice and chicken options. Nando’s is a big favourite for lunch, bread is out and porridge and full fat yoghurt is in.
His love of sport means he will never be anorexic but being body conscious and having the knowledge of how to eat healthily to maintain a lean conditioned body will stick with him.