Feeling irrelevant

[Cattybombati]

I am feeling more and more irrelevant in a way I never did before since I turned 40.

Used to have opinions about music, politics and day to day stuff, but feeling increasingly mute - like fading in background. Is this an ageing thing? Or I'm have I become terminally boring as I've got older / during lockdown? Is this a thing other women experience?

It's like since becoming a proper serious genuine grown up, my place in zeitgeist is no longer of value.

Maybe will get better when I am older still and at least perceived as wise?

Kinda joking but also kinda wondering if turning 40 means end to visibility?

I'm 20 years older than you so imagine how I feel ! I do think that ageing has a lot to do with it - it's a complete fallacy that older people are valued for their life experience and opinions. I've found that in fact younger people's opinions are more often given value, while we senior people are expected to sit back and keep quiet.

If you try to make yourself heard, you're likely going to be labeled as a pesky old woman.

40 is the new 30! I won’t be 40 for a long time so can’t speak from experience.
I do value the opinions and tips from my older friends.
From what I can see life at 40 is extremely hectic for many women. Caught up in the career rat race and striving for competitive senior positions but also young children with incessant needs. Most husbands around 40 are still considered attractive but not so much for women unless they are extremely well manicured. Some suffer from premenopausal symptoms.

Life is full on at 40 maybe your friends, who I assume are also 40 something, don’t have the luxury to slowdown for a meaningful discussion about politics or arts.

relevant to who though? I teach teenagers and no my opinions on Tiktok, youtubers, the music I like etc are not relevant but they are genuinely interested and ask questions when I am talking about stuff I know about or helping them to understand what's going on in the world. Did a lesson yesterday about Russia / Ukraine, Covid regs ending, the Met police, Djocovic's refusal to have the jab etc. I'm relevant to my friends and peers. Unless you have a public platform like you're a news presenter or social commentator, why does it matter?

Late 30s here
In my experience a lot of youth are really into 90s & early noughties culture
(Music, fashion etc)
So you have an advantage there
As you lived back in the "olden days" when life was good
You remember what the world was like without internet & mobile phones
You remember what dating was like without relying on apps
I find it's best to pity the youth of today & embrace the world you came from
Who would want to grow up in this day & age?

It depends on the context but how willing are you to understand the lives and experiences of younger people? I remember the people I would consider irrelevant were those that didn't get what things were really like for young people and just expected them to be like younger versions of them rather than a different generation with different experiences.

Who are you trying to be relevant with? A similar aged DP, younger colleagues or younger relatives etc?

Honestly (late twenties here!) I think there's been a real shift from the attitude that people who are older automatically know best / should be more respected for their opinions. When I was younger I remember the attitude being that older people know best, and younger people should listen and learn.

I would say now that's not really the general consensus - in work and general life! From talking with friends (normally about parents!) there's quite a general feeling that their opinions on many things - but for example politics - are based on the 80s/90s early 2000s rather than the more recent years, and they're fairly unwilling to change / listen to opinions based on life now.

It's like music - I haven't had a conversation with anyone over 40 which hasn't been along the lines of moaning about current explicit songs, telling me people used to actually sing back when music was "good" etc. I don't ask them now 😂. I understand they might prefer 80s/90s songs but no one will convince me Taylor Swift isn't a genius, and moaning about "good old days" is only depressing when most of us are trying to live and enjoy the now!

Honestly (late twenties here!) I think there's been a real shift from the attitude that people who are older automatically know best / should be more respected for their opinions.

I don’t think OP is talking about knowing better and having to be listened to, she is saying that she feels invisible and ignored.

It depends on the audience, I find.

I'm 41. At work, I feel like I am ignored by certain people. Despite being more experienced than my younger, male counterparts who like to mansplain everything to me. But I've never been one for the backstabbing and arse licking to climb the career ladder. I just keep in my lane. But what is interesting is that all of the other mainly female workers who also don't want to play the game DO come to me for advice. Probably because I actually want to help them instead of making myself look good.

I don't have men throwing themselves at my feet. But again, I'm not arsed because I don't want to be sexpested all day everyday and I'm not looking for a relationship.

I'm not on social media. So according to anyone under the age of 25, I don't actually exist.

With friends and family, my opinions still matter. And that's what's important to me.

@changeyourname11111

Honestly (late twenties here!) I think there's been a real shift from the attitude that people who are older automatically know best / should be more respected for their opinions.

I don’t think OP is talking about knowing better and having to be listened to, she is saying that she feels invisible and ignored.

I understand - I was suggesting that because of this shift in attitude (that I've noticed anyway) that people aren't asking for her opinions and that is perhaps why she feels irrelevant.

Thanks all for responses - food for thought. Defo case that I am adjusting to this new reality where I am not immediately given space - and far enough away from culture that I don't always know what's going on, and easier to hang onto easy certainties

You get what you put in!