End of my tether, no services want to know…

[Mamarooroo79]

My child who is 10 was abused years ago. Ultimately there has been a whole lot of trauma come from it of course.

They’ve always been SUPER challenging which I put down to the deep routed trauma. However, we as a family have been battling for help for years and years now to no avail. Their behaviour is destructive, mean spirited and all encompassing as it’s from the minute they wake to the minute we go to sleep. Even then they’re up in the night and I’ve found them watching their siblings in bed and the siblings have woken screaming. Someone always gets harmed around them - I can’t leave my children together alone and the child in question self harms and has been excluded already once and is at further risk of being a excluded due to violence.

I am quite frankly suicidal and can’t cope any longer. School have a SEMH plan in place with provisions for a 1:1 TA and other adaptations.

An educational psychologist has bought some suggestions on how to ‘manage’ them but even school are struggling.

An early help referral is just going in now.

We’ve had 5 CAMHS referrals - only the last has been successful but we could be waiting another 8 months.

An ASD assessment showed unlikely to have ASD.

The school doctor discharged us.

They have a sleep consultant at the hospital and is prescribed melatonin. It’s not really helping.

MAT were useless.

Play therapy have discharged as they have other cases.

The Elm Foundation have a course running which we have applied to get on to.

Social services say they dont meet their criteria for help.

I’ve written to my local MP.

I am so unbelievably low. I feel like I’m being inadvertently bullied by my them and it’s hell.

Does anyone know where else we can go from here? Even private companies want to specifically rule out each condition at a time. Which is 2k for ADHD… ruled out… 2k autism… ruled out and so on, I can’t afford that!

I don’t have any suggestions but I didn’t want to read and turn away.
I’m so sorry for all the trauma you’re suffering, all this lack of support is terrible.
I’m sure there’ll be people along with ideas of support and I hope you and your family get the help you need.

Have a look at what Barbados offer in your area as it differs but they might have something suitable as in my area they run a few support services. When EH do get in touch say you want immediately signposted and referred to other appropriate services. They can be the gateway to this and will know of services you might not. Otherwise they might assign you a family support worker and in all honesty this is not what you need. Family support workers are for generic parenting advice not specialist support like you need. Ask to he placed on a child to parent abuse course asap. Have a look at youth mental health charities on Google that are near you. They will often cater to younger children and some offer 1 to 1 sessions which may help.
I don't know what your financial situation is but you can pay for private therapy for children and for all the family. Sounds like you could also benefit from some sessions to work through what has happened. School should be fighting for extra support on their end if they are struggling and this will in turn help you.
Sorry you are going through this. There are services out there you just have to be prepared to beat the door down and be the squeaky wheel, which I know can be very draining when your already going through a tough time.

Also go back to the sleep consultant and say its not working.
Contact CAMHS as a crisis every single time your sons behaviour becomes too much. Play it up not down.

Sorry me again, with social services, make sure you be very clear that your sons behavior is making you concerned for your other childrens safety and by nature of his past and current circumstances he is by law a child in need and they are failing in their duty by not offering assessment. Put it in writing and be ready to complain higher.

My heart goes out to you, I can feel the desperation from your post.
Please go see your gp if you are having suicidal thoughts. He or she may be able to get social services to put your son or daughter in emergency respite care to give your family a break.