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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a complaint

65 replies

KylieCharlene · 15/02/2022 19:50

Out shopping this evening I go into a shop I frequent weekly. It sells cheap 'designer' stuff and homeware. I decided to go for a browse on my way home- maybe see if there's anything in there for my DD's Birthday which is next week.
Staff member has followed me around making it obvious she thinks I'm a shoplifter. She's been hiding around corners and watching my every move. Radioed to fellow staff member making them aware of my presence (I couldn't help but see and hear as she stood two rails behind me).
I felt so embarrassed and I actually picked something up and went and bought it as I didn't feel I could leave the shop without having made a purchase as I felt guilty even though I hadn't done anything!
At the till I was met with a stare too. No greeting/smile as obviously he'd been told the likely shoplifter was on her way.
I think I should have said something at the time but I was really unnerved and worried it would make me look more guiltyConfused.
Aibu to email head office and complain?
Would they care/do anything?
At the very least I want this member of staff to be aware there has been a complaint made.

OP posts:
Spongeboob · 15/02/2022 22:07

Complain and ask them to review the footage. I was similarly followed around a shop while heavily pregnant. After being followed around several aisles I went back on myself and surprised the security guy who didn't expect me to suddenly be behind him. Then walked right out. Fuck buying anything.

Original poster
KylieCharlene · 15/02/2022 22:07

I think I've been outed Grin.
I'll admit I wasn't wearing my Sunday best but I thought I looked ok.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/02/2022 22:08

This has happened to me in the past. It is so weird! I wouldn't have bought anything, personally. I'd complain. I'm assuming they have lost a customer now!

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 15/02/2022 22:13

I had an M&S security guard follow me around the store once. He followed me up the escalator. When I realised what was happening I left.

I smiled at him as I walked into the store. Now I never look at the security guard or acknowledge them.

My friends thought it was hilarious. I am the last person on earth who would shoplift.

Pleasebeafleabite · 15/02/2022 22:13

@KylieCharlene

I wasn't wearing a balaclavaGrin. In fact the bloody coat and boots I was wearing were bought from that bloody shop.
Maybe she thought you nicked them Grin

I’d complain. Why not. Might make you feel better

Babyvenusplant · 15/02/2022 22:14

You may look like someone or match the description of someone they've been told to look out for, I wouldn't take it too personally (I know that's difficult)

PutOnAHappyFace · 15/02/2022 22:17

Wellllll @KylieCharlene . I'm sure you looked perfectly presentable, some people are just dicks. It's a horrible feeling isn't it.

wingscrow · 15/02/2022 22:22

Complain. This is unacceptable.

Personally I would have said something on the spot: ''Can I help you? because you seem to be following me and this is making me really uncomfortable' and a hard stare...

There is a way to keep an eye on shoppers without turning into a stalker.

LemonViolets · 15/02/2022 22:23

You want to make a complaint about the fact the members of staff were doing their jobs?

It would be that you look like someone who they’ve suspected before, it could be you match a description of a know shoplifter, you could just look shifty.
Regardless they have every right to ‘check’ people aren’t stealing in the shop they work in, it may make you feel uncomfortable but you have every right to leave.

I’ve had this happen to me, it’s just one of those things, I wasn’t doing anything wrong but it did make me leave the shop sooner than I normally would.

Ragwort · 15/02/2022 22:27

I honestly don't think you will get anywhere complaining, as a PP said, the potential loss of stock is a far worse issue for the retailer than a disgruntled customer ... I used to work for a well known retail company in PR and had to reply to customer complaints .... mostly it was a bog standard 'thank you so much for your comments, this behaviour is totally unacceptable and we will raise it with our staff, so sorry ... blah blah blah ...' . letter goes straight in bin. Not saying that is right ....but it's what happens in most large companies.

ANameChangeAgain · 15/02/2022 22:34

You want to make a complaint about the fact the members of staff were doing their jobs? but the staff weren't doing their jobs, they were alienating a customer and making them feel uncomfortable in assuming they were a theif. Its the staff's job to make money for the shop - yes part of it is to be vigilant to theft, but the focus should be on sales.

Katya213 · 15/02/2022 22:36

My uncle used to start following them when it happened to him, used to make them very on edge!

Cherrysoup · 15/02/2022 22:38

How bizarre! I would have spoken to the stalking member of staff t9 ask just what the fuck she was doing. Why did she think you were a shoplifter and why was she making it really obvious that she suspected you? Did she want some horrific confrontation? I can imagine someone less tolerant having a huge confrontation with her, very silly of her.

MorganBrocklehurst · 15/02/2022 22:38

This happened to me in my local branch of Waitrose, somewhere I have shopped several times a week for the past decade. I know all the staff, indeed, am on first name terms with most of them! However, in this instance, it was a temporary security guard, someone I hadn't seen before. She followed me round the entire shop, although at times, would peer at me around corners. It was a horrible experience. In the end, I dumped my basket and left.

I did write to customer service but they didn't care. With hindsight, I should have complained at the customer service desk at the time.

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 22:40

I’d just vote with my feet or laugh it off. Store detectives/security get paid sod all and I expect that turnover is high. The person might not even work for TK Maxx (if it is indeed TK Maxx), but for a third party security firm, and the store might get different people every few weeks.

I was followed around Matches (posh clothes shop) in Richmond once. The assistant leapt on me as soon as I’d replied to her “hello!” and followed me around, sticking closely to my side. Every time I touched something she’d tell me something about the garments in the store. She was clearly waiting to tackle me in case I nicked something, despite my very smart attire. I hope that it wasn’t because of my Mancunian accent! I’d never go in again because of that.

Titterofwit · 15/02/2022 22:47

[They can’t be much of a store detective if the OP was aware enough of their presence to become so uncomfortable, she feels the need to complain.

A similar thing happened to someone I know - although she thought she was being followed by a random weirdo, so approached the customer service desk for help. The woman on the desk had to rather sheepishly admit that the ‘weirdo’ was actually the store detective.]

Had to laugh at this. I was in a shop with friends and we were followed around he shop by the sore detective who just stood in one place close by us. We take our time in shops and examine everything so he was lurking for quite some time. We bought quite a lot but only after we had a discussion about each thing so it was a good 45 minutes that we were in the shop.
When we were paying I complained to the check out person who said it was probably the store manager as they don't have a detective.
Then just as we were going she said 'Wait- its Wednesday ! Its the managers day off!'
So it was just a random weirdo Smile

katseyes7 · 15/02/2022 22:55

When l was with the police, l went to a branch of WHSmith before starting my afternoon shift. I was in smart office wear, just killing a bit of time as l was early for work.
I was very obviously followed around the shop by a uniformed security guard, for about ten minutes. So ridiculously obviously, it was almost funny.
When l went to the till to pay for my magazine, l said to the girl there (who knew me) "Tell him he'd be better off following those three lads at the back who have been filling their pockets with pens and sweets while he's been following me...."
Which they had. I'd seen them out of the corner of my eye, and surreptitiously watched them, but he was so fixated on me, he hadn't even noticed them. He had his back to them most of the time, so he couldn't have been watching them.
I'd be inclined to do what a PP suggested - take the item back and ask to return it, and tell them why.

caranations · 15/02/2022 23:02

@Katya213

My uncle used to start following them when it happened to him, used to make them very on edge!
Inspired Grin
TheNestedIf · 15/02/2022 23:15

"Dear Head Office

I was followed around a store today, and found the experience quite unnerving, embarrassing, and inappropriate.

Quite apart from making me feel intimidated, and that I had done something wrong, the actions of your security guard made it impossible for me to remove anything from the shelves, conceal it, exit the store without purchasing it, and actually do something wrong. The security guard's behaviour was insulting. I do not look like a criminal. I was dressed very smartly in the raincoat with the big pockets that I relieved John Lewis of last week.

I hope you will consider this, and instruct your security guards to be less watchful and discouraging in future.

Yours insincerely.

T. Leaf

ps: Would you like to buy an iphone?"

With more seriousness, complaints, hard stares, kicking off... none of this will make any difference to policy, because actual shoplifters do this too. The shop is protecting their profits and by extension your money and their worker's bonuses. If you're being followed and you're honest, just ignore it. It's not personal.

TheNestedIf · 15/02/2022 23:16

*workers' - happens in big shops, too stupid grammar.

RedHelenB · 16/02/2022 05:32

This. Get a grip OP.

Biker47 · 16/02/2022 05:47

If I was certain I was being followed and observed as a suspected shoplifter, I would have just went round, picked loads of stuff up I wasn't intending on buying, then just dump them all on the floor in their view and walk out.

Cognoscenti · 16/02/2022 05:57

A friend and I were followed round Poundland, of all places, once.
Amusingly, their OTT efforts to observe us meant they completely missed the teenage couple stuffing their backpack full of stock then leaving the shop unnoticed!

AllAmericanGirl · 16/02/2022 07:34

I was once followed around Asda by a very new, young security guard. If he only knew the money I've spent in there over the last 16 years. Groceries weekly, clothes, prescriptions, money bureau, clothes for me and the kids, dvds, playstation games, toys, electrical items, baby gear. I even used to top my phone up on Asda mobile back in the day

It annoyed me at the time but not enough that I felt I needed to do anything. He wasn't talking about me on his radio though, he was just my awkward shadow.

AllAmericanGirl · 16/02/2022 07:35

I've listed clothes twice, one of those should have been books.