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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Narcissist facebook friend

28 replies

Rosemary88 · 15/02/2022 08:58

I love my friend IRL, but can't stand her on facebook, sounds awful I know!!
She posts over 100 photos everyday from an amazing walk, perfect Sunday, day with DD and yesterday posted over 60 photos from their perfect valentines mostly just selfies.
I find it so fake and excessive, nothing is kept private especially her DD. IRL she has mental health issues, but never mentions that. So sad really, it just baffles me!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 15/02/2022 09:00

What baffles you? You've said she has mental health issues.

Plumbear2 · 15/02/2022 09:02

If you have the time to take and post that many photos in day then the time carnt be that amazing.

UnsuitableHat · 15/02/2022 09:02

Hide her posts. I find the 30 day thing useful for this, or you can hide permanently & just check her page now and again if you want to see what she’s been posting. I’d find it excessive and annoying too. I’m not sure it makes her a narcissist though.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/02/2022 09:05

I delete people off social media who are like this. Recently I deleted one of my friends. Shes actually very nice, funny, kind etc in real life but her instagram is unbearable for all the reasons you mentioned. I realise its also partly down to my own insecurities I think this. She mentioned it to me and we had an honest discussion as to why id done it, my own insecurities and that I did it for my own mental health. Partly true, but she is also really irritating!

Howshouldibehave · 15/02/2022 09:07

Facebook is full of people like this-come off it/block her or hide her posts if it’s just her.

I wouldn’t say she is a narcissist though. She could be bored/attention seeking

Original poster
Rosemary88 · 15/02/2022 09:09

@Plumbear2

If you have the time to take and post that many photos in day then the time carnt be that amazing.
Absolutely just enjoy a walk and be in the moment
OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 15/02/2022 09:13

I have a lovely friend who posts the most cheesy pics of her husband and child, hashtags all over the place, tons of pics. It looks attention seeking, and in a way it is, but those of us who know her well know she has really been struggling with motherhood. She’s putting up a bright and shiny front. It might not be as it seems with your friend either.

FourBookPiles · 15/02/2022 09:16

Some people are just like that on social media.

I have a friend who posts literally dozens of selfies of her and her partner whenever they go on holiday. Always exactly the same pose, usually in front of something that you can barely see for their heads.

I wouldn’t do it but each to their own.

BuritoCat · 15/02/2022 09:18

It's all make believe pretend.

If people need to make out their life's are perfect on social media they're usually hiding what's really going on. True story.

ladygindiva · 15/02/2022 09:22

Yanbu but I have a freiend like this, but I know she suffers horrific low self esteem because of abuse in childhood. So I kind of think , if this helps her feel good then what's the harm?

Brefugee · 15/02/2022 09:22

just unfollow and stop judging. She obviously think that helps her.

Rawtinhail · 15/02/2022 09:33

I have a distant friend similar to this and it makes me really wonder if there is something deeper going on. She's a nice person but it's endless posts of the most mundane things like a coffee, or the other end one of her children was in hospital for IV antibiotics and every single aspect of the process was shared day after day. Of course people are then reactive to it, which creates even more. I do just keep snoozing her because I can't understand the need to overshare that much.

Diqgeneration · 15/02/2022 09:35

I always think it’s insecurity with a little vanity thrown in. I just unfollow and see them in real life.

mugoftea456 · 15/02/2022 09:36

Just hide her posts. It's an easy fix

Blue4YOU · 15/02/2022 09:40

I always think it’s insecurity. And it’s annoying so I don’t follow people like that - on any platform

AllTheColoursOfGerberas · 15/02/2022 09:42

I have a male FB friend, every holiday him and his wife go on we all know about, from screenshots of the booking, the drive to the airport, the boarding of the plane, the inflight meal, the collecting of the suitcases, the picking up of the hire car, the booking into the hotel, the hotel room.. yada yada yada....... it's relentless

I feel that I don't actually have to book anywhere he's been because I've seen every minute detail from his continuous posts
His wife tagged him yesterday thanking him for her Valentines gifts, 30 pictures....
We also had selfies when he had several heart attacks last year, his ECG readings, pics of his medication upon leaving hospital
I find it hilarious, I just roar with laughter as it's all really rather pathetic
Let her crack on, you have the option to hide her

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2022 09:45

@Rosemary88

I love my friend IRL, but can't stand her on facebook, sounds awful I know!! She posts over 100 photos everyday from an amazing walk, perfect Sunday, day with DD and yesterday posted over 60 photos from their perfect valentines mostly just selfies. I find it so fake and excessive, nothing is kept private especially her DD. IRL she has mental health issues, but never mentions that. So sad really, it just baffles me!
As you said 'IRL she has mental health problems'. Real life is often a really crap place to be. She is using Facebook to create a nicer one. You know it is fantasy, no need to burst her bubble. She may not have much else.
AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2022 09:54

"Just enjoy a walk and be in the moment"

Perhaps she is trying to make it nicer than it actually is. When my marriage was crumbling away I would arrange family walks . My husband would come because he couldn't say "I can't stand you, I don't want to be there". But that is what he actually wanted to say. So he said it with his behaviour. Walking ahead, or behind. Not speaking, moving away if I tried to sit on a bench with him. It was a million years before social media and mobiles and all that but, I dare say, I would have been taking photos that showed my happy 'Boden advert' family to ease the pain of the reality that it was all turning to dust. Cut her some slack, one day that might be you.

SweetPotatoDumpling · 16/02/2022 10:49

I have a lovely friend who posts upwards of 20 times a day on social media (various different accounts). They are a mixture of photos of her children, herself and very occasionally her husband or extended family or memes. They are ALWAYS accompanied by very, very long blogs (I use 'blog' as this is what they are!) about the pictures, detailing every aspect of the moment the picture was taken, the lead up and aftermath. They are really just 'mind dumps', often intensely personal mind dumps too that perhaps should be kept to a family WhatsApp?

Following this dumping, her mum will comment, again in detail, to offer personal advice or family updates - all of which, again, may be best kept private.

This goes on most of the day, with her daily 'life grind' playing out on SM in photo picture format and blog style comments. It's not how I use SM and I do not think that some of the posts and photo's are often appropriate (pictures of children using the potty for example, with a full on description of content and conversation in 'real time' as it was actually happening!) but always, in the back of my mind is this...there is a real, lovely person here, living and sharing her life. We don't have to read it or comment...we can scroll on by. It doesn't affect me in any way. If it helps her to cope, then who am I to judge?

MakeMineALarge1 · 16/02/2022 11:08

On what grounds is she a narcissist?
Just hide her, she is creating nice memories for her and creating a life away from reality! You sound miserable if you can't recognise that.

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2022 11:15

I agree that you aren't much of a friend, or critical thinker if it baffles you why someone who has poor mental health lives their life on social media. Is she a diagnosed Narcissist, or have you decided to label her that?

@AllTheColoursOfGerberas, because of my health I haven't been able to go on holiday since 2015 and I really enjoy those detailed shearing photos. I know quite a few people who also do.

LaBellina · 16/02/2022 11:19

I have a friend who does the same thing, even worse is that she posts lots of photos of just every day stuff with very deep thoughts and feelings described and it’s just honestly so cringe, very ‘wannabe life influencing/ spiritual guru’, can’t really describe it even. I do hit the ‘like’ button to be a good friend because I know it’s very important to her but inwardly I often cringe. I wouldn’t post this stuff in a million years.
If your friends posts get too much on your nerves OP just unfollow her. Not unfriend but unfollow.

JudyGemstone · 16/02/2022 12:16

@ladygindiva

Yanbu but I have a freiend like this, but I know she suffers horrific low self esteem because of abuse in childhood. So I kind of think , if this helps her feel good then what's the harm?
I guess it’s not harmful as such, but it does perpetuate the false narrative that everyone else’s life/relationship is great which I don’t think is good for anyone as it leads to ‘compare and despair’ type thinking.

So you you argue it’s part of the problem in that sense.

Onlyforcake · 16/02/2022 12:20

Anyone posting more than a handful of photos a week must surely have some sort of struggle going on? Craving external validation that badly is surely a big warning sign. Whilst she's working through her problems around her personal image and boundaries of privacy etc might be difficult for you, maybe just stop following her online?

SafferUpNorth · 16/02/2022 12:43

Just unfollow her or mute her posts so you don't have to see them, and focus on supporting her IRL. If she's got mental health issues, she's probably just seeking validation or trying to reassure herself that she's doing OK. Social media is awash with people who're 'living their best life' online while having a pretty shitty time IRL.

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