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Original poster

Patronising parents

53 replies

Boomshack · 15/02/2022 00:21

This particular mother has always been pretty patronising about my child - always assumed if I was in school it was to see teachers about her development compared to her ‘genius’ child (not because I was involved in other things and actually it had nothing to do with my child but because I helped with various activities for kids in other years)…

Her child left that school (yes a private school) to go to elsewhere but our child stayed. As it goes the original school closed so our DC has now ended up the one of the most prestigious schools in the area. It’s brilliant, she has thrived. Obviously the other child is elsewhere and unlikely to go where it DC is.

There have been a few occasions when she has been disbelieving our DD should get into the school like this. Anyway, I mentioned in a message that I couldn’t believe it was 2 terms since DD relocated school. This mum immediately responded that ‘oh so your DD is not at x any more, awww’ so I had to clarify that no it was only 2 terms since she went there.

I know she was pissed DD went to this new school in the first place. Why tho? Who gives that much of a shit about another kid? Why are some people so keen to see other kids fail?

OP posts:
BOOTS52 · 15/02/2022 08:11

You both seem the same bragging about your child and their schools.

Original poster
Boomshack · 15/02/2022 08:17

It was a private conversation. No one else involved at all.

OP posts:
HaveringWavering · 15/02/2022 08:18

Why are you in contact with her?

Ileflottante · 15/02/2022 08:20

Anyway, I mentioned in a message that I couldn’t believe it was 2 terms since DD relocated school. This mum immediately responded that ‘oh so your DD is not at x any more, awww’ so I had to clarify that no it was only 2 terms since she went there

So you deliberately paved the way to boast about your daughter going to this new prestigious private school? You al sound as bad as each other.

It’s a thing with private school parents, they get obsessed with their kids’ school. They get bumper stickers and all. Grin

Pembertonrd · 15/02/2022 08:23

Be glad OP that your dd is at a different school.
My dd is close friends with a girl whose dm thinks her dd is the best at everything.
I mostly smile and nod.
The only time I have been a bit wtf was when my dd began dating a popular guy in year 13 and the dm said to me she always thought her dd would go out with xxx.
Her dd had been on many more dates than my dd at this point.

I think the dm is just a bit insecure.

ManicPixie · 15/02/2022 08:24

This thread is just a humble-brag of what an amazing school your kid goes to.

AlexaShutUp · 15/02/2022 08:26

You both sound like the very worst stereotype of competitive private school parents. I'm so glad that mine went to state!

Honestly, nobody cares that your dd is at a "prestigious" school. Really, nobody is interested.

dworky · 15/02/2022 08:53

You're doing exactly what you're complaining about, OP.

DickMabutt73962 · 15/02/2022 09:06

@Boomshack

It was a private conversation. No one else involved at all.
But why? She sounds horrible.
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 15/02/2022 09:13

It all sounds so competitive.

It can only be a competition with someone else competing, thankfully you both sound as bad as each other so it's a match made in heaven.

You can continue bragging to each other and being passive aggressive then being insulting behind the others back.

Original poster
Boomshack · 15/02/2022 09:18

It annoyed me because it doesn’t matter how lucky you are (which I know we are) it’s not nice to see someone trying to put your child down or jump on the implication that something has gone wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomshack · 15/02/2022 09:20

And yes it probably does make you happier to point out to another parent when your child has success when you feel that child has been belittled by that other person. I can see how it’s just as bad. It’s also quite human.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 15/02/2022 09:21

Sounds like you're far too concerned about what other people think about you/your dc, OP. Time to let that go and focus on the things that actually matter.

Howshouldibehave · 15/02/2022 09:23

Why are you still messaging someone you so clearly dislike? How bizarre?!

Mumdiva99 · 15/02/2022 09:24

Why are you having a private conversation with someone you don't like?

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 09:31

Well why are you messaging her about your child’s new school? In fact why are you messaging her at all if you don’t like the woman?

She sounds pretty awful, but you also sound competitive - are you sure you haven’t also stirred the pot previously??

AlexaShutUp · 15/02/2022 09:35

I think it's clear that the OP is messaging this woman now in order to make a big deal of the fact that her dd is now at a prestigious school, in order to get back at the woman for the perceived slights towards her dd in the past.

Why anyone bothers with this shit, I really don't know. Is your dc healthy, happy and fulfilling their potential? If they are, fine. If not, what can you do to help them? Anything else is irrelevant tbh and competing with other people's dc is a game that eventually you will be sure to lose in one way or another. Life is too short!

WomanStanleyWoman · 15/02/2022 09:35

@Boomshack

It annoyed me because it doesn’t matter how lucky you are (which I know we are) it’s not nice to see someone trying to put your child down or jump on the implication that something has gone wrong.
But this ‘problem’ is incredibly easy to solve. Stop messaging her. You don’t like her. You don’t have to be in contact. You referred to her as ‘this mother’ in your opening post, suggesting you only really think of her as one of the other school mums. Well, your children are at different schools now. You have even less reason to contact her now than you did before. Just stop.

Your post boils down to ‘I messaged someone I’ve always thought was patronising and rude about my child. Her reply was patronising and rude about my child! Can you believe it?!’ No shit!

DysmalRadius · 15/02/2022 09:37

I know she was pissed DD went to this new school in the first place. Why tho? Who gives that much of a shit about another kid? Why are some people so keen to see other kids fail?

Why are you spending time thinking about how she feels about your daughter's school? Why do you give so much of a shit about how she feels about your daughter's school? Why are you contemplating the likelihood of her child going to your child's school?

Howshouldibehave · 15/02/2022 09:38

always assumed if I was in school it was to see teachers about her development compared to her ‘genius’ child

Really? Hmm

You sound as competitive as each other-I’m surprised you don’t get on!

Freshhel · 15/02/2022 09:40

As it goes the original school closed so our DC has now ended up the one of the most prestigious schools in the area.!!

Listen to yourself!

Flickflak · 15/02/2022 09:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

kmbegs · 15/02/2022 09:44

I feel like everyone is being too harsh. I have a friend who constantly compared our kids specifically commented on the height difference between them, which is minimal, once made them stand back to back and was mortified that my child is actually taller. Does little things like that all the time, lots of comments comparing them (and needless to say my child never coming off 'better' than hers). And maybe I'm the issue as well, but I had to cut her out. It felt so negative and it feels silly to lose a friend over it but I felt so judged and defensive of my child all the time, which is no way to be. So I think it's fair enough you're miffed about this but think you also need to cut them out as they aren't bringing out the best in you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2022 09:47

You clearly give a shit about her kid and how she’s not as great as yours is. She’s not patronising, she’s annoyed at you bragging.

spudjulia · 15/02/2022 10:07

@Boomshack

It annoyed me because it doesn’t matter how lucky you are (which I know we are) it’s not nice to see someone trying to put your child down or jump on the implication that something has gone wrong.
How is it luck? Don't you chose and pay for the school?
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