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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you text her?

32 replies

Chocolattay · 14/02/2022 22:54

For transparency, this isn’t me. I’m happily married. It’s a friend’s situation. I have been asked for advice.

Friend is called A. Man is called B.

Friend met A at a new job in July. B immediately was all over her and it was mutual.

It moved very quickly. B was pretty much homeless and living with a friend. He ended up staying with A and it became an every day thing so he practically moved in between July and September. He also asked A for money regularly for takeaways (refused to eat the food she’d had in the house) and once asked her to give him the money to pay for his child support for his child who he doesn’t see.

He essentially rinsed A dry. Suddenly one day B went to work (on A’s day off) and then sent A a message saying he wanted to stay at his friends that night but not to worry because it was only due to having a bad shift. A was upset. The next day B didn’t show up to work and blocked her on everything. He’d quit his job with no notice.

A was devastated. Literally a couple of days later she found he was loved up with some other woman he’d met (they work in a bar, other woman was a customer) and had moved in with her and her child. He appears to have moved in with her the night they met! A decided not to do anything.

Christmas Eve B turns up on A’s door clearly having been kicked out by A. He begged to move back in and when she said no he begged for money. She told him where to go.

Today A has said that she’s seen on social media that B is engaged to the woman, and they’ve been engaged since Christmas Day! It would appear they rowed on Christmas Eve so he tried to come back to A, A has told him where to go, so he realised he needs to go back to the other woman or face being homelessness. So that’s clearly why he proposed.

A wants to message the woman and tell her everything but she’s worried he will retaliate and show up at her door and she also doesn’t know how the woman will react. She also doesn’t know whether it’s her place.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 15/02/2022 19:55

I honestly don’t see the point in your friend messaging her as the woman is just going to think she’s a jealous ex and think she’s lying.

I’m sure plenty of people have told her it’s moving too fast, he’s a user etc and she hasn’t listened so there’s no way she’s going to listen to an ex than was dumped by him.

WonderfulYou · 15/02/2022 19:56

Sorry didn’t read your last post.

At least your friend can tell herself she tried to warn her.

Honestly women like this often need to learn the hard way like your friend did.

Chocolattay · 15/02/2022 23:24

Friend is so vulnerable and genuinely thought she was living in a love story. She thought that because he was homeless and so needed to move in with her it was a sign that they were meant to be.

This man is scum. Goes from job to job as always seems to lose them. Settles with a vulnerable woman who can’t see him for what he is then he fucks off when he finds a better deal. We’ve seen things that suggest he’s been doing it for years.

OP posts:
Suzanne999 · 16/02/2022 00:03

He’ll come unstuck. My guess is he’ll do the same to present woman as he did to your friend, the. Move on to the next, and the next.
Your friend did what she could with a shit situation. When I was a teen a friend told me to make a “ spud effigy” of a cheating lad and stick pins in it. Made 16 year old me feel better that night !!!
Get her to do something that closes the situation, wish him no luck at all in the world and then move on from him.

Hydrate · 16/02/2022 01:14

I think she should block him and not bother contacting his new meal ticket. She isn't the first to get used and tossed aside, and won't be the last.
My advice to her would be, if they cannot pay their way, she should not do it for them, or move them into her home until she knows them better.

Hydrate · 16/02/2022 01:27

Oops, too late, I had missed the update that she contacted her.
Hope things work out better for her in future.

Toanewstart23 · 16/02/2022 14:52

Focus your efforts on your friend and dealing with her absolute vulnerability to men like this

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