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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do personalised products put kids more at risk?

29 replies

TwoLFTsAndaPCR · 14/02/2022 12:28

Was looking at a personalised lunch box for DS who is going to be 10. School has recently sent a text to say that a student has been approached by a stranger (no more details were offered but I presume the stranger wasn't asking directions). Now I know that people are more likely to be abused by people they know. Is it however more risky to identify a student by having a name on a lunchbox?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwoLFTsAndaPCR · 14/02/2022 12:29

I have probably not structured this above sentence well but you get my drift!

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 14/02/2022 12:31

I don't think at 10 it would be an issue as long as your teaching them stranger danger in general.

I think at 5/6 when someone might use knowing their name as an advantage and make them think they must know their parents for example, it could be a problem (but also unlikely they would be alone).

Phos · 14/02/2022 12:31

I have a tendency to scoff at what I think is paranoia (sorry mumsnetters) but this is one I tend to agree with.

I heard that children are more likely to trust someone who calls them by their name. It stuck with me and so I've never bought personalised hoodies, bags etc. She's had other personalised stuff but more like toys or bedroom decorations.

SartresSoul · 14/02/2022 12:32

According to Mumsnet yes. I don’t really buy much personalised stuff for my DC but my toddler DS’s do have a lovely jumper from Zara with their name embroidered on the front. They’re always with me and atm have a coat covering it most of the time anyway so I can’t see the harm.

Cheeseonpost · 14/02/2022 12:32

Not if you’ve taught your children well enough about strangers approaching them

There is unlikely to be any actual data behind this perceived risk as stranger abuse is so unlikely itself, let alone strangers who approached and was successful due to knowing a child’s name. Most of the hysteria around this is based on peoples view of it being more risky, not that it is more risky

Seeline · 14/02/2022 12:32

Lunch box probably ok.

I think the worry is when a 2 yo has their name clearly displayed on a jumper or something. Anyone can then approach saying Hello XXX, let's go and look at whatever, and the 2 yo will go off quite happily. I would've thought a 10 yo would be more wary of strangers.

LuckyAmy1986 · 14/02/2022 12:33

I get what you’re saying but maybe only at a younger age. In which case they wouldn’t be out of your sight anyway

AppleKatie · 14/02/2022 12:34

At 10 I would point out to the child that someone could read their name on the item and use it to pretend to know them. You don’t need to go overboard about the danger but make sure they wouldn’t be taken in by it nonetheless.

TeenPlusCat · 14/02/2022 12:38

I think it's more of an issue somewhere where they might get lost, e.g. a shopping centre or Disney. Not an issue on the walk to/from school.
DD when younger had a name-number-plate for her bicycle but only ever used her bike when with us.

17caterpillars1mouse · 14/02/2022 12:45

I've never liked getting personalised things for my girls, partly due to the issue mention but more also as it means things can't be handed down, gifted to charity and sold as easily, so reused basically. Although the fact my dds have uncommon names might make me consider it more. Things with Oliver, Harry, Jack etc will obviously get more reuse

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2022 12:49

I remember years ago when mine were in primary there was a trend for hairbands with names on school wrote to us asking not to send girls In with them they didn't elaborate but said they were a safety concern, I never bought any named things again, it's probably wise not to if your child I'd going to be walking home from school.

Original poster
TwoLFTsAndaPCR · 14/02/2022 12:53

DS is bright but has autism. I am wondering if I could explain this all to him and he could forget and be taken in by someone's explanation of how they know his name.

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 14/02/2022 12:54

I don’t think so unless you never use your kids names when on the street someone could over hear their names so what’s the difference 🤷‍♀️

RealBecca · 14/02/2022 12:58

If you decide not to personalise then you dont have to worry. Anything for an easy life!

CarbonelCat · 14/02/2022 13:07

On all my experience of safeguarding - children were either harmed by adults well known to them(overwhelming majority) or completely at random and with force (extremely rare).

None were harmed due to personalised clothing/accessories.

I loved having things with my name on as a child and have done the same for mine. They have their names on any activity hoodies etc as it's a great way to stop them being nicked. People who should know their names still get them mixed up or forget them for goodness' sake 😂

minniep · 14/02/2022 13:11

@17caterpillars1mouse I totally agree. None of the personalised stuff can be easily reused. That's why I don't like it.

OP I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it from a safety point of view

RedHelenB · 14/02/2022 17:28

Book bags have names on and the school. Really weird for a school to send that letter out about personalised headbands

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2022 17:35

We never had bookbags ! I have no idea why the school said about the headband we just followed advice. And it was a long time ago.

5128gap · 14/02/2022 17:38

@Seeline

Lunch box probably ok.

I think the worry is when a 2 yo has their name clearly displayed on a jumper or something. Anyone can then approach saying Hello XXX, let's go and look at whatever, and the 2 yo will go off quite happily. I would've thought a 10 yo would be more wary of strangers.

The problem there would be the 2 year old being unattended long enough for that to happen though, not whether someone knew their name.
melj1213 · 14/02/2022 18:05

I think there's a difference between a 4yo with their name on their coat and backpack vs a 10yr old with their name on a lunchbox. In theory a 10yo should be old enough to understand they don't go with any stranger whether or not they know their name.

I have always had a "safe word" with DD - an idea I carried on from her nursery who required us to have a code word for anyone other than parents to collect their child. If anyone outside of me/ExDH and our families come to collect her they will know the "safe word" - if they don't know it and don't tell her the word when she asks for it then she is not to go with them and is instead to find the nearest adult she feels safe around and tell them what happened.

junglejane66 · 14/02/2022 18:17

Give the child a lunchbox with the wrong name on it and if a stranger calls the child by that name then the child will know the person doesn't really know them and can run away. Easy

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 14/02/2022 18:21

As a dog owner, there are warnings on websites not to put the dogs name on their dog tag as it makes it easier for dog theives, with the dog being called by their name.

So even though I've never thought about it, it would make sense not to do it to kids.

Starlightandsparkles · 14/02/2022 18:25

I remember years ago you could buy hair bands with names on them
I reeeaaalllyyy wanted one but my mother refused to buy us any personalised stuff
Gutted but life moved on and no big deal
Years later I was pregnant with no1 and saw two girls just playing in the street as kids do and one was wearing a hair and with the name ‘Laura’ on it
That’s when I ‘got’ it-there was nothing stopping me-or anyone else-going up and chatting to the little girl,and calling her by her name as it was written on her head
I hate wearing a name badge at work for the same reason-it’s bloody creepy when people (normally men) read it,know my name and start calling me it
I’ve had people track me down on social media just from my first name and knowing what I look like

labyrinthlaziness · 14/02/2022 18:34

I have always avoided personalised things for this reason.

I do not wear my work ID card outside the building for the same reason, and I am older than 10.

SilkySusan · 14/02/2022 18:42

Rule at DD's secondary school was a regulation PE bag embroidered with their full name. I hated this as she carried it back and forth on the bus with her name on display for everyone. I used to ask her to carry it with the name inwards. It's too easy to track people down online these days. I think even the school has realised that now and changed the specification.