Oh OP, nothing but sympathy for you. I have battled binge eating and orthorexia my whole life and can hand on heart say I’m also addicted to food. You’re not alone and you’re not weird or broken. It’s very very common.
The hardest thing about a food addiction is that it’s the only addiction where you can’t ‘quit it’ alcoholism, drugs etc you can abstain. You have to keep eating. I echo the PP and really recommend counselling if you can.
My food issues relate to a need to control and emotional distress. If you can find/recognise your triggers it can really help.
First steps I recommend is sit and list EVERY food that you could binge on or what can you eat that when you start you can’t stop or when you eat it any sensation of fullness goes.
At my worst this included breads/batters (pancakes, Yorkshire puddings etc) crisps, chocolate, mashed potato etc. Once you can recognise the triggers it helps.
Secondly and this is quite controversial - WIPE THE CUPBOARDS. Get a big bag for life and a bin bag. Everything that’s on that list either put it into the bin if it’s opened or put it into a bag for life to take to the food bank drop off at the supermarket if it’s packaged. Get it out the house. It can feel very wasteful/excessive to bin it all and you’ll feel you can keep it snd you won’t eat it. You will.
An alcoholic wouldn’t keep wine in the house to use in recipes. They’d bin it. You will feel a weight off you when it’s gone. I promise.
Have an open and Frank conversation with your partner (if you have one) and children if they are old enough and say ‘I’m really struggling, I need XYZ to help me.’
Together or alone whichever works best, sit and make a meal plan of healthy foods you will look forward to. This doesn’t have to be kale and quinoa salads or bean cassoule, this can be your normal meals but with healthy changes made. Three easy meals a day, my worse habit was skipping breakfast and lunch and then eating for an army at tea time and into the evening. Have a little snack ready for nighttime but nothing from your binge list. Regular meals will get your body used to the routine of eating and reduce the sugar cravings. These don’t need to be wildly different to your standard meals. Just a little healthier.
Do you have fish and chips every Friday? Swap it for a breaded fresh fillet with reduced fat chips and mushy peas with loads of ketchup or tartare sauce. It’s a step in the right direction ANY CHANGE is incredible.
Chinese? There’s an amazing sweet snd sour chicken recipe on a website called creme de la crumb that uses real ingredients for half the calories, serve with chicken (can breadcrumb them) and veg with some steamed rice.
Breaking habits and adopting new routines is a marathon not a sprint. There is no wrong way to do it, no quick way. What works for you? Set yourself a goal. What do you want out of your first day? Do you want to get through it without a binge? Do you want to sit down at a meal and think - this is lovely! Make a really easy achievable goal.
Another thing to think about is trying to be a little active. This, I can attest, is something that can seem daunting but it doesn’t have to be! I don’t suppose one of the children has a Nintendo switch? You can get amazing active games for it you could play as a family. If not you could look into a few easy exercise routines on YouTube they can be as little as five minutes. Joe Wickes’ PE lessons are a great place to start if you’re struggling with the formality. It took me four attempts to get through the first video. I did a little longer each time and that was ok.
Chip, chip, chip away every day at something you think is impossible and I promise you there’s nothing you can’t achieve from it.
If you struggle with types of food etc would slimming world be an option? Whilst still very food control it may help focus your food thoughts to more healthy alternatives?
Best of luck to you. Admitting you have a problem is an amazing first step, you’ve already started your journey. Fucking go you
💙