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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your help? Addicted to food.

24 replies

HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 09:24

I feel like I am at the point where if I carry on and do nothing, I will do damage to my health that cannot be reversed (if I haven’t already).

I am addicted to food. It is all I ever think about. I waste all of my money on junk food or takeaways.

Even when I have just eaten and I full I am still thinking about what else I can eat.

I eat for comfort, I eat to celebrate being happy. It’s my crutch for everything in life.

I have gained so much weight on my stomach and had scans and was told it’s the fat that can cause issues. Which can lead to heart attack etc.

I have limited money after paying bills yet I cannot seem to stop myself from wasting it on food. I then end up having to borrow money before the next payday and this cycle continues.

I’ve tried limiting what I eat or making healthier choices, but all it takes is for one thing to upset my day and I’m back to square one.

Has anyone been like this and managed to escape the cycle for good? Was there a particular diet that helped this?

I know I’ll get slated by posting this on aibu but something needs to change. If I carry on like this I’m not going to have a healthy life and may die early.

Also to add I do have quite an addictive personality. Yet smoking I managed to quit cold turkey. But food is more difficult because you have to eat to stay alive.

If we didn’t need food and I just stopped eating cold turkey would maybe work.

I just feel so depressed and dissapointed in myself for getting to this point.

Any advice or help would be massively appreciated.

OP posts:
jgjgjgjgjg · 14/02/2022 09:28

I would suggest seeking counselling from a professional with experience of disordered eating. If money is an issue google 'low cost counselling' in your area.

Funkyslippers · 14/02/2022 09:31

I feel your pain. Being addicted to anything is an illness. I used to binge eat when I got home from work right up until dinner time, then eat a full meal. I wasn't even hungry. I read a book about binge eating and one tip I've always remembered and still use is to tell yourself "I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want" because when you want to overeat you tend to tell yourself "no, I mustn't" therefore you want it even more. By giving yourself permission you take ownership and are more in control. It works for me

Brindille · 14/02/2022 09:31

Have you considered bariatric surgery? You would be very welcome to come and join us on the bariatric surgery thread.

I had a gastric sleeve about 3 weeks ago and my hunger is completely gone. It has reset my relationship with food.

Best of luck.

FetchezLaVache · 14/02/2022 09:33

I have no advice, but absolutely no slating from me. It sounds very difficult. I'd speak to your GP to see if you can get referred for specialist help.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 14/02/2022 09:36

It's very very hard because unlike smoking you can't quit cold turkey you still need to eat.

Have you tried distraction? Pick up some kind of hobby or activity that keeps you busy so you don't eat.

Something like a craft or sorting out all the cupboards in a room or going for a walk. It needs to keep your hands busy or get you away from where the food is.

HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 09:44

Surgery isn’t an option because altho my stomach is very large the rest of me is normal sized if that makes sense.

I have tried to find a counsellor but cannot afford any near me. I am on the nhs waiting list but they seem to have very long waiting times.

I’ve been debating trying a shake only diet so that it cuts food out completely. But I’ve no idea how to even find a good reputable company that sells them.

It just takes up so much headspace to be constantly thinking about what I can eat next and when.

I worry that I won’t get to see my kids get married or have kids because of my health.

I just don’t know how to change my mindset and the constant need for food. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt proper hunger because my body doesn’t get the chance to get hungry.

OP posts:
Cofifeefee · 14/02/2022 09:49

CBT is apparently helpful but if you can't afford that, two things that have helped me are not restricting any food. I can eat whatever I want. However, I can only eat it at the kitchen table without any distractions like phone or tv. Honestly, food becomes kind of boring.

I am working on stopping eating as soon as I feel full - overcoming a lifetime of having to clear my plate is hard though.

For me, a specific diet doesn't help. Restricting particular foods leads me to binge and calorie counting makes me think about nothing but food which leads me to binge!

QuietBatperson15 · 14/02/2022 09:52

This might not be the best advice but I used to have an issue with binge eating and the way I got myself out of it was holding off eating until I was due to go out. So have a meal then be out the door so I was unable to continue on the spiral. Appreciate that’s not easy to do when home for the night. If you can avoid takeaways then try to make sure you only have low fat snacks in or even have cereal. It’s very hard to break the cycle but if you can do just one day then you might feel spurred on by your success the next day and so forth.

SaltySocks · 14/02/2022 10:10

Harley I'm addicted to food as well. I've just eaten so many chocolates that I feel sick. I'm a big comfort eater (and I've got zero resilience) but I also eat when I'm tired or bored or well there's always something to stress about. A few things that have helped me:

  1. Rules: (EG no added sugar for X amount of time. This worked insanely well till X time was over, a few months, and since then it has never worked again).
  2. Chia or flax seeds on breakfast item (it keeps hunger at bay but does little to reduce your appetite).
  3. Intermittent fasting (eat what you want but only during a set time period in a day
  4. Strictly keep no trigger food at home and don't buy any outside (this works very well but isn't possible as I'm currently living with lots of people)

I'm desperate too and I just can't seem to stop. Maybe we should make a thread where we keep each other accountable. Blush

HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 10:16

Salty I would def be up for an accountability thread.

I did well recently with Exante meal replacement shakes. In the morning I would have an oats so simple porridge pot and 3 shakes throughout the day.
I felt amazing and lost some weight. But then I’m far too easily motivated so once they ordered food in at work I joined in and that spiralled into eating 5 days worth of food in 1 day.

Yet again in 2 weeks in since payday and have £20 left for food for the rest of the month. Because I’ve spent it all on takeaways and chocolates and crisps. I feel so frustrated with myself because this cycle happens every bloody month. I just cannot seem to learn from my stupid mistakes.

I think part of it is a sort of destructive cycle. Once I mess up I feel useless and spiral further because then I sort of punish myself and think what’s the point.

So far today I’ve had one coffee. And a glass of Pepsi max to take my daily medication.

Some days I can manage until 1pm before eating anything. But once I do I lose control. Even if I have a very big filling breakfast at a decent breakfast time. So it’s not that the gap has caused it.

OP posts:
CiderJolly · 14/02/2022 10:24

I can see you’ve had scans and presume this is to rule out anything sinister? Because weight just on stomach can be signs of Ovarian cancer- not wishing to cause fear but always better to be cautious.

If it’s just the excess eating then I suggest trying to focus on something else. What else do you have going on in your life?
Kids, family, hobbies?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2022 10:28

I'm not sure a specific diet is going to help you OP, it's much more complex than that and once the diet is over then you will go back to what you're doing now.
If you can't afford counselling maybe some posters could recommend a decent book or YouTube talk that might help change your mindset, I'm sure I've seen some recommended on here before.
In the mean time is there anything you could do with money, eg lock money away in an account you can't get at and you only have a set amount per month or week to spend on treats? Or would that put you into debt as you would spend anyway?

senua · 14/02/2022 10:29

We all know that different bodies work in different ways - what is a miracle diet to one doesn't work for another. I read a book once about addiction to food. It said that a certain type of person gets addicted to carbohydrates. It doesn't help that carbs are also some of the cheapest foods, easily bought on impulse.
Try to avoid them and see how it goes.

dotdotdotdash · 14/02/2022 10:32

Do you cook at all? As if you enjoy your food (I really do), I don't think stuff like replacement shakes are sustainable; and a healthy way forward would be to make your own exciting, tasty but healthy meals.

Fizzy drinks, even sugar-free ones, are associated with weight gain. Could you switch to fizzy water and lime.

I would also really recommend trying a sugar-free diet regime for a couple of weeks as a sort of reset. You might be kicking yourself about your lack of self-control, but some of these foods are engineered to be as addictive as possible to encourage us to buy more. It's like asking why a drug addict can't control themselves around crack! I think cold turkey on a no-sugar diet would allow you to reintroduce foods carefully so you can identify your triggers.

Go easy on yourself too Flowers

endlesssighing · 14/02/2022 10:40

Oh OP, nothing but sympathy for you. I have battled binge eating and orthorexia my whole life and can hand on heart say I’m also addicted to food. You’re not alone and you’re not weird or broken. It’s very very common.

The hardest thing about a food addiction is that it’s the only addiction where you can’t ‘quit it’ alcoholism, drugs etc you can abstain. You have to keep eating. I echo the PP and really recommend counselling if you can.

My food issues relate to a need to control and emotional distress. If you can find/recognise your triggers it can really help.

First steps I recommend is sit and list EVERY food that you could binge on or what can you eat that when you start you can’t stop or when you eat it any sensation of fullness goes.

At my worst this included breads/batters (pancakes, Yorkshire puddings etc) crisps, chocolate, mashed potato etc. Once you can recognise the triggers it helps.

Secondly and this is quite controversial - WIPE THE CUPBOARDS. Get a big bag for life and a bin bag. Everything that’s on that list either put it into the bin if it’s opened or put it into a bag for life to take to the food bank drop off at the supermarket if it’s packaged. Get it out the house. It can feel very wasteful/excessive to bin it all and you’ll feel you can keep it snd you won’t eat it. You will.

An alcoholic wouldn’t keep wine in the house to use in recipes. They’d bin it. You will feel a weight off you when it’s gone. I promise.

Have an open and Frank conversation with your partner (if you have one) and children if they are old enough and say ‘I’m really struggling, I need XYZ to help me.’

Together or alone whichever works best, sit and make a meal plan of healthy foods you will look forward to. This doesn’t have to be kale and quinoa salads or bean cassoule, this can be your normal meals but with healthy changes made. Three easy meals a day, my worse habit was skipping breakfast and lunch and then eating for an army at tea time and into the evening. Have a little snack ready for nighttime but nothing from your binge list. Regular meals will get your body used to the routine of eating and reduce the sugar cravings. These don’t need to be wildly different to your standard meals. Just a little healthier.

Do you have fish and chips every Friday? Swap it for a breaded fresh fillet with reduced fat chips and mushy peas with loads of ketchup or tartare sauce. It’s a step in the right direction ANY CHANGE is incredible.

Chinese? There’s an amazing sweet snd sour chicken recipe on a website called creme de la crumb that uses real ingredients for half the calories, serve with chicken (can breadcrumb them) and veg with some steamed rice.

Breaking habits and adopting new routines is a marathon not a sprint. There is no wrong way to do it, no quick way. What works for you? Set yourself a goal. What do you want out of your first day? Do you want to get through it without a binge? Do you want to sit down at a meal and think - this is lovely! Make a really easy achievable goal.

Another thing to think about is trying to be a little active. This, I can attest, is something that can seem daunting but it doesn’t have to be! I don’t suppose one of the children has a Nintendo switch? You can get amazing active games for it you could play as a family. If not you could look into a few easy exercise routines on YouTube they can be as little as five minutes. Joe Wickes’ PE lessons are a great place to start if you’re struggling with the formality. It took me four attempts to get through the first video. I did a little longer each time and that was ok.

Chip, chip, chip away every day at something you think is impossible and I promise you there’s nothing you can’t achieve from it.

If you struggle with types of food etc would slimming world be an option? Whilst still very food control it may help focus your food thoughts to more healthy alternatives?

Best of luck to you. Admitting you have a problem is an amazing first step, you’ve already started your journey. Fucking go you
💙

Francescaisstressed · 14/02/2022 10:45

I would recommend using some free online resources - beat and mind come to mind first. You have dirosered eating and so don't be afread to us eating disorder websites - they are not all targeted at those who with anorexia/bulimia.
I would definately try and find some online resources for free CBT -theres plenty out there on YouTube.
I wouldn't go cold turkey with shakes, you admit it's emotional eating so that isn't going to work.
I would first try and limit takeaways, by ensuring you have easy to cook foods in the house.
I'd also say that it's worth investing some thought and time into a hobby that may distract you.
I've had eating issues as well, very similar and was using food as a crutch. I've had to spend alot of time over the last year focusing on myself. Therapy helped but so did investing in other ways to bring comfort. Eg have a bath instead of ordering a takeaway.
I know it's incredibly hard but I promise if you invest some time into yourself you will get better.do you have a support network?

NewWateringCan · 14/02/2022 11:24

Last year I realised I had binge eating disorder. Realising it was the first step to changing it! I found the BEAT online support chats really helpful.
Luckily I was already in private therapy so I got support there.
I also found body positivity and fat acceptance helpful. It's ok to be fat! but also I love my body and I want to be kind to it and look after it and that doesn't mean stuffing it until it hurts. It means eating well, exercise I like, treats if I fancy. Learning my triggers for binging helped, mine are boredom, time alone, sadness.
I'd recommend some reading, Sofie Hagen, Megan Jayne Crabbe, The Beauty Myth.
I've learnt we can't hate our body better. Women have been taught to hate their body and its exhausting and boring. I love my body and I want to be kind to it by looking after it!

HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 11:24

To the person that asked about the scans I had. They did an ultrasound of my entire stomach, bladder and womb etc. because at the time I did think something more sinister was at play. My stomach looks pregnant because it’s the main place I gain weight.
The results were that it is all fat. But the worst type of fat. They referred me to a nurse who gives healthy eating advice but then covid happened.

I already have games on my phone that I play every single day to try and distract. I have a colouring app, soduku (not sure how to spell it) and Wordscapes.

I also work full time and study part time. Im behind on my studies at the moment because instead of revising I’ve been eating instead.

I have an exam this week and so the stress is just making me want to eat more. Such an annoying cycle.

I’ve tried slimming world or eating healthier. Have tried getting rid of everything bad out or the house. I just buy more crap.

It’s like an impulse thing. I’ll feel sad and think fuck it I want a McDonald’s or a milkshake from a dessert place. And then I argue back and forth in my head and the urge grows bigger and bigger. Until I give in and order it. If I manage not to that day the urge stays for days and days until I give in.

I guess I thought if all I had was shakes I’d maybe be able to get out of the habit of eating all the time.

OP posts:
HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 11:25

New watering can I actually just found the beat site and tried to join the chat. It says I was position one but never seemed to connect with anyone. I’ll give it another go.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 14/02/2022 11:38

I don't know if this will help as I've never been in your situation (although I have been overweight and did think about food all the time). What changed my life was intermittent fasting. I do 16/8 and find this a million times easier than 5:2. Having that firm rule that I couldn't eat during a certain time period each day worked wonders for me. Before I'd be constantly nibbling on things thinking a few squares of chocolate won't hurt or a few crisps but of course it always led to more. But now I stop eating at 6pm each day (it can be later if you prefer. You choose your own eating window) and that's that. No more food. The truly brilliant thing about it is that it changed my appetite. Before I was always hungry or even if I wasn't hungry I wanted to eat. Since doing 16/8 I just don't have the same desire to eat all the time. I have a couple of big meals a day (I call them my feasts) and the rest of the time I just don't fancy eating junk - or anything really. It's completely changed my life. The weight fell off. I'm just maintaining now as I don't want to lose more. Even when I'm trying not to lose weight on 16/8 I generally do lose a bit. I also think physical activity is important. Not for burning calories (it's very easy to eat more than you burn) but because you feel so good and healthy you don't want to spoil that feeling by eating rubbish. I don't run or go to the gym but I do 10,000 steps a day and it's made a big difference.

NewWateringCan · 14/02/2022 11:46

@HarleyQuinnFan

New watering can I actually just found the beat site and tried to join the chat. It says I was position one but never seemed to connect with anyone. I’ll give it another go.
I think there's an online chat for an advisor, but there's also peer support chats for different eating disorders. The binge one is called Nightingale. www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/online-support-groups/nightingale-online-support-group/ You sign up and then chat with others. it's a "chat room", no video or audio. I find it very helpful. Completely understand how the urge to eat comes on and then it's so hard to resist.
stayathomer · 14/02/2022 11:57

Sugar addict here who was told I was on a dangerous road (never overweight but stomach etc horrendous). Obviously people will have better advice but I find if I start the day with a glass of water and a piece of fruit before a non cereal breakfast I trick my body into getting ready for a healthier day. I still have snacks but limit them to 3 days a week and aim for half of what I used to have. I've started knitting and colouring to calm idle hands after 8 when watching tv but allow myself a blow out on a Saturday night and 1 take away usually mid week. I've found it's about a few things for me. 1) the old 'water is your friend' thing is so true! 2) when I do really really feel like something I go for less but do have it Saying that... 3) Sometimes you have to just (eg to the McDonalds), say NO, and ride out the cravings and shove an apple or a banan in your mouth!4) I adore things like frozen grapes, popcorn or cut up apple. It takes a few weeks but then you actually start enjoying healthy eating. Then you break it and force yourself back. Best of luck OP, maybe come back to us constantly, we'll cheer you on!!

deeplyrooted · 14/02/2022 12:01

I don’t know if this would help but I allow myself to have anything I want but half of my plate has to be veggies. (Breakfast is half fruit)
That limits portion size and means I’m eating healthily a good percentage of the time.

I don’t worry about eating the wrong food. There’s a lot of chewing in half a plate of veg, and sometimes the sensory satisfaction of crunching can be important.

If I have a takeaway by myself, I put half in the freezer because it won’t fit on my plate. And it doubles the treat. (Don’t reheat rice though!)

You can make stir fries and soups with stock instead of oil which loses a chunk of calories. Then you can snack on nuts and seeds which help edge out sugar cravings and provide good fats.

A good tip is to always have some protein with any carb snack. It sounds counter intuitive but it can help.

Obviously if you’re short of money I’m not suggesting stocking up on a ton of fruit/veg/seeds but it might be a good idea to just take a calm, curious look at your eating habits for now.

Try and act like a research scientist collecting data on a fascinating topic rather than criticising yourself or being disgusted or in anyway negative. Try and observe when and why you eat, what you eat, what textures you like, what triggers you have, when it’s hardest to resist etc. I narrate these kind of observations in a David Attenborough voice. I know it sounds daft but it’s really helpful when you’re trying to change something.

HarleyQuinnFan · 14/02/2022 17:22

Thank you everyone. You’ve given me things to ponder over.
If only there were quick fixes to these things. A magic wand so to speak.

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