Is DP drinking too much?

[FruitCakeBetty]

I will start this by saying I'm not a big drinker. I like popping to the pub for one or two glasses of wine, cocktails with the girls, wine with dinner if we'reout at a restaurant. But I don't go out that often so 2 glasses of wine and I'm done. I very rarely drink at home and I can'tbe bothered with a hangover. Might have a drink on a summers evening but I can take it or leave it. I know most people probably think I'm boring which I probably am.

Dp is very different. He likes a drink. I made a comment about how much he was drinking a while back and now he only drinks on weekends but the amount still seems a lot.
As an example he will go to the pub most Fridays afterwork with colleagues. There he will have about 4 or 5 pints. He then returns home and has 4 more cans and 3 bottles. I've been tracking the units and it's around 20 units for just what he is drinking at home. He will frequently have another 20 units on Saturday and Sunday evening. So added to approx 10 he is having in the pub that adds up to 70 units for the weekend! Sometimes he will have a gin or rum too.

This happens every week! I'm really worried but he just doesn't see the problem. He's not drunk when he drinks this and it never alters his behaviour or makes him aggressive but he snores like a chopper on the nights he's had a drink.
I tried raising it with his siblings but they didn't see an issue.
We have a young child together, he's overweight and I worry what this is doing to his liver.

I'd be worried too but then I'm like you OP, and I'm not a massive drinker these days, mostly because I'm up early with kids and can't cope with the anxiety a hangover gives me!

Also have to say i'm a bit jealous your DH gets to go to the pub after work most Fridays....I think I'd be wanting a chance to go out with my friends myself. But anyway, that's not what you asked about, sorry!

Why don't you ask him if he fancies doing a dry month with you and see how he feels. If he thinks he doesn't have a problem/doesn't drink much then surely he won't mind giving it up for a challenge?! Maybe he'll realise how much it has become a habit.

I don't mind him popping to the pub on Fridays. I don't go out much, I've turned into a bit of a hermit since covid and I don't want to inflict that on him.

I worry why he is drinking. He says he's happy but maybe he isn't. Our relationship has been a bit boring since I had the baby, I've piled weight on and I'm huge (like size 18) I've lost all my confidence so maybe I'm making him miserable. He's been lovely about being intimate, he hasn't put any pressure on me what so ever but I feel hideous. I'm constantly tired and trying to juggle the baby and kids is a full time job. But that's a whole other thread.
I'm pretty sure his mum has a problem with drink too but she would never admit it.

I drink / drank up to 5 x per week. I work in a social sector and like alcohol....

Reading your post
As an example he will go to the pub most Fridays afterwork with colleagues.There he will have about 4 or 5 pints.
I was like yeah fine no sweat here, that's normal...
He then returns home and has 4 more cans and 3 bottles
My face is like

If we were having a boozy dinner party DH migggght do 4 cans 3 bottles and be regretful the next day 😅 but 12 drinks is an excessive amount. Like really excessive. My DH would be physically sick if he drank that much.

Drinking 20 units in a sitting is problematic and doing it 3 x per week is pretty intense.

What makes it more concerning is this is the cut down/ reduced drinking pattern...

He sounds like he has a dependency /issue with drinking.
I also think doing 20 units in the house on a Saturday on your own is pretty unusual.

We will cook together or watch a movie but he always has a beer on the go.

We haven't been living together that long so I only really realised the extent when he moved in. It's been playing on my mind for a while.

He is effectively putting himself out of action for the whole weekend, isn't he? This means he is checking out of family life, since weekends are when most families have time to do fun things with the kids, and when parents can spell one another so that each one gets some time for themselves.

Can he drive or be responsible for the care of the children after so many units?

How fit is he for work on Monday after hitting the booze so heavily at the weekend?

Do you get any time off to get some exercise or de-stress?

Yes, he drinks too much.

Yes, he is prioritising drinking over family.

Three bottles of beer right?

Yes it’s a lot but honestly, I’ve some friends who drink heavily of a weekend, but they are healthy enough during the week.

My personal opinion is you need to accept people for what they are. He’s not piling pressure on you as you’ve an issue with food right now and over consumption (I understand it’s baby weight but just trying to show we all over consume certain ways) and both sides need to accept each other

This is who he is, it’s his lifestyle. I struggle to believe you had no idea he was a big drinker at the weekend before you moved in and before you decided to have a child with him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d not like it either. But acceptance rather than trying to change him for me is better.

I’m sure you’ll have lots of posts telling you he’s an alcoholic but it doesn’t sound like it’s an issue to me. Presumably he’s always liked a few drinks, maybe try joining him sometimes

That’s way too much. I couldn’t be with someone who drank like that. It’s like his hobby itself is drinking.