I'll call him James.
I met James 4 months ago.
About 5-6 dates in, he said to me "I really like you but I've got my guard up because I've been hurt before, please don't hurt me"
Fast forward to today, when I've not spoke to anyone or flirted with any other men since we made it clear we liked each other. I had a niggling feeling after seeing some girls names pop down on his phone when he's left it in front of me.
We had a date yesterday and k stayed at his, this morning, I looked at his phone (I know I'm wrong but my gut feeling has been niggling away).
3 girls he's been messaging, one he's slept with a few years ago, who lives 10 minutes away from him. He's replied to obviously a picture which has been deleted with 😍 emojis, she's half naked in underwear on Instagram most of the time so god know what she's been sending him. I saw a snippet of a conversation where he asked her to meet up soon.
Second and third girl, along the same lines except I looked at them through his friends list on Instagram and from what I can gather they live quite a way away.
Last week he asked if I will go to meet his parents (who live up north) and stay the weekend.
I am so confused by these actions, one is saying "I want you to meet my parents because I like you that much" the other is the complete opposite.
This morning, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.
I said "there's been something that's bothering me, I keep seeing girls names pop down on your phone" immediately he said "what can I do to make it better" at this point I was tearful as im not blowing my own trumpet but im a nice girl, with good morals and values and to me, if you're dating somebody for that length of time, you don't flirt with anyone else. He said he was sorry and what could he do to make it up to me, I said I just want him to stop flirting with other girls, he didn't deny he had been flirting.
I left, I had work for a few hours this evening. He asked me to call him after work. I did. This is when he switched to "how do you know that the conversations were flirty, they could be innocent for all you know" I said I'm not stupid and if multiple girls who you've never mentioned are your friends are popping up on your phone, that's a pretty good indicator. I said "so you're denying they were flirty?" He said" "no I'm not denying that" he then turned it on me saying I hadn't been clear that I wanted the end goal to be a relationship with him. I can't mention things I've done as it would be quite outing but he was down a few weeks ago, I sent him a package to cheer him up, I picked him up from a friends funeral I've done things that would indicate that I'm in it for the long haul including being affectionate and attentive.
I do really like him but this has thrown me.
It's one thing to flirt with girls, another to do it whilst I'm at his house.
I feel disrespected.
He turned the conversation to "I'm just a naturally flirty person" which is an issue to me. I don't want somebody who does that.
Then it was "I've said sorry, I'll delete all of their numbers and social media, come round tomorrow as it's Valentine's Day and I'm cooking you dinner, I've said I'm sorry now we draw a line under it".
Am I over reacting? What even are the "rules" for dating? Him keep telling me that he likes me and I reciprocated that gave me the impression we wouldn't talk to anyone else.
Im really pissed off and my confidence is shattered. I was in a long term relationship and he destroyed my confidence. When I met James, he made me feel beautiful and worth more than what I had in my previous relationship.
Now I don't trust him.
Do I give him another chance as I do like him? I can't forget that he's asked me to meet his parents, I would have thought that meant he was serious about me. I've met most of his friends.
Or do I walk away?