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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me there are more good men out in the world.

53 replies

Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry · 13/02/2022 22:27

I’ve read lots of horrible threads the last few days about quite frankly shitty men! Please tell me there are still good men out there and we shouldn’t give up hope.
I will start - my hubby been working away all last week and has gone back tonight has spent the whole weekend being a brilliant dad. He’s played with the kids, walked the dog, cooked my dinner last night, did the recycling bins before he left and used his works bonus to buy my valentines gift. I’m not boasting but just to let you know ladies there are good men out in the world. Big hand hold for all of you having to put up with crap - get rid of rubbish you deserve better. (Ps I’m over 50, over weight and over tired)

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 01:19

@Nostrings457

I don’t feel OP deserve the stick she’s getting tbh. What’s wrong with putting a bit of positivity out there
What has the OP said that's so positive? That men should be applauded for doing the completely mundane things she's mentioned in her post? The things that most normal, responsible parents do day in and day out without batting an eye?

Jesus.

Linguini · 14/02/2022 01:36

Maybe she was being modest.

Maybe in addition to that he idk gives the most mind-blowing head on the planet. But not wanted to brag.

Titfortatfortit · 14/02/2022 01:49

LTB

AutomaticMoon · 14/02/2022 02:27

Mine works his butt off, cooks for me, washes clothes, looks after me when I’m poorly (chronic illness), doesn’t watch porn (I know, I didn’t believe it either but after 10 years, I know he doesn’t)

My previous partner, I married at age 17, and he wasn’t this good to me.

AutomaticMoon · 14/02/2022 02:29

Oh shit. Didn’t mean to be gloating just now!

AutomaticMoon · 14/02/2022 02:29

@Titfortatfortit

LTB
😃
AutomaticMoon · 14/02/2022 02:30

I concur, you deserve better OP.

giveyou2reasons · 14/02/2022 03:54

Sorry, OP, you're not allowed to talk about small things your husband has done for you that show he cares and is a good person. I've made that mistake before, under a different name and a similar thread, and was ridiculed for mentioning little things he did to be considerate. That was the stated point of the thread, but it was still proof that my standards were too low, DH was a loser, and everything was terrible. Some people enjoy spreading misery.

YANBU that there are good men out there, but it's not surprising that women start posts about bad husbands and partner more than good ones.

Canaloha · 14/02/2022 04:07

Well most people post for advice, hence why you're more overwhelmingly going to read threads about women who are struggling with their relationships or trying to navigate dealing with shitty things their partner does than I just don't know how to deal with my partner being so awesome.

LimeSegment · 14/02/2022 04:14

That's nice OP but you've disproved your own point. If men started threads online whenever a women cooked dinner, walked the dog and played with their kids, the internet would collapse instantly from the weight of it.

Lemonandadropofhoney · 14/02/2022 08:16

It's not sad I think like this. In my experience and the experience of those around me, he really is few and far between. The examples I gave were only a snippet of the man he. Yes this should be EXPECTED from a life partner hence the reason I chose to marry him and not previous partners, but the sad reality is, men like him are not all that common. They do exist but they aren't the majority.

He does the normal every day stuff without expecting a thanks like many men do but little things like remembering my cycle and stocking up my pads and favourite chocolate is very thoughtful and not the norm, definitely not the same as asking him to buy me some when he's out. Not sure why you felt the need to eyeroll for a husband performing little gestures of love.

LimeSegment · 14/02/2022 09:59

I don't think anyone is eye rolling but the saying 'the exception that proves the rule' applies here.

Original poster
Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry · 14/02/2022 13:23

Well at least I know this isn’t the site to post positive stuff!

To those who say aim higher - I could list all the things that make him a good husband. And yes there are things that can drive me mad about him, but I suppose being a positive sort I don’t focus on that and I would do every day on our relationship in again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry · 14/02/2022 13:25

@Titfortatfortit

LTB
I was hoping for a LTB. Thank you it made me smile 😂
OP posts:
Agrudge · 14/02/2022 14:10

@Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry

Well at least I know this isn’t the site to post positive stuff! To those who say aim higher - I could list all the things that make him a good husband. And yes there are things that can drive me mad about him, but I suppose being a positive sort I don’t focus on that and I would do every day on our relationship in again.
It certainly is refreshing to see .dont let the negitive posters drag you down
grapewine · 14/02/2022 14:13

@OnlyAFleshWound

A man put the bins out. I shall notify the Times post-haste.
😁
Moonface123 · 14/02/2022 14:21

Can we just agree there are some good, bad and everything in between men out there and be done with it ?

OnlyAFleshWound · 14/02/2022 15:22

@Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry

Well at least I know this isn’t the site to post positive stuff! To those who say aim higher - I could list all the things that make him a good husband. And yes there are things that can drive me mad about him, but I suppose being a positive sort I don’t focus on that and I would do every day on our relationship in again.
Being 'a positive sort', do you also create daily threads about how you don't have cancer, aren't stressing about applying for secondary schools, don't have a dog so therefore no worries about vet bills, don't have a child with SEN, and don't need any legal advice?
Agrudge · 14/02/2022 17:49

@OnlyAFleshWound

That's one helluva stretch .
I guess misery loves company . And you plenty of company here on MN

Pumperthepumper · 14/02/2022 18:01

@Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry

Well at least I know this isn’t the site to post positive stuff! To those who say aim higher - I could list all the things that make him a good husband. And yes there are things that can drive me mad about him, but I suppose being a positive sort I don’t focus on that and I would do every day on our relationship in again.
Could you list some things that make him a good husband? I’d love to read a thread that isn’t ‘he cooked and played with his own children’.
Besswess88 · 14/02/2022 18:04

This is great valentines reading OP thanks.

Got out of an abusive relationship last year and now single and two broken marriages aged 46, but so glad you have an amazing husband Hmm

It’s very very difficult to leave and face the future alone.

hopeful67 · 14/02/2022 18:39

These threads are great for when you've left an abusive marriage. A good insight into how healthy relationships are and also gives us hope that they is such a thing as a living caring man who treats his partner with respect.

Sugartitsorahilly · 14/02/2022 18:44

Both women and men can be arseholes. Neither is worse. People in general fewking suck.

DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 18:45

@hopeful67

These threads are great for when you've left an abusive marriage. A good insight into how healthy relationships are and also gives us hope that they is such a thing as a living caring man who treats his partner with respect.
I think they're the complete opposite of great! It's nice that the OP has what she sees as a good man, but she hasn't given one single example yet!

People leaving abusive marriages (or anyone for that matter) should not see a man playing with his kids on a weekend, walking the dog, cooking a dinner and taking the bin out as anything other than completely normal.

hopeful67 · 14/02/2022 18:46

@DiddyHeck tbf I haven't read the full thread.

But it's nice to hear stories of genuinely happy relationships - that's what I mean.

Swipe left for the next trending thread