To put our mum in a nursing home.

[Gouldengirl9]

Mum lives on her own and has dementia.
But has been discharged from the memory clinic.
She is very good at keeping herself and the house nice and tidy.
But she is finding it difficult to use the phone, kettle etc.
Today she some how blew the door of the oven. We have put alarms in to detect gas and she unplugs it. My older brother took her to hospital as she has burnt her face, ear and hair.
Last week she knocked the iron over and burnt the carpet.
We have arranged in the past for meals on wheels but she has turned them away and got quite nasty with the delivery person.
So now they won't come back.
Mum won't have anyone in as true she is OK at keeping everything tidy.
I live quite a long way from her and unfortunately I'm going through aggressive cancer treatment so I'm not able to visit at the moment. My older brother also has cancer and he does his best. He does her shopping. My aunt, mums sister is trying to help us persuade mum that she isn't safe living on her own anymore.
Don't know why I'm posting.
Any advice will be much appreciated in getting mum in a home.
Who do we contact for help.

Does the GP consider she ‘has capacity’ to make her own decisions about where she wants to live.

Mum has a good amount of money plus her home.
I've started to try and find phone numbers and will ring them tomorrow morning.
Brother is going to stock up on microwave meals tomorrow. We don't trust her with another gas cooker and an electric one will just confuse her more.

@Gouldengirl9

Mum has a good amount of money plus her home. I've started to try and find phone numbers and will ring them tomorrow morning. Brother is going to stock up on microwave meals tomorrow. We don't trust her with another gas cooker and an electric one will just confuse her more.

Then you don't need to involve social services (which will delay things massively). Just have a look at some and choose a couple to take your mum round. Visiting care homes currently is really difficult though due to covid, they don't really want random people wandering around).

Does she have capacity (it's not for the GP to decide, it's time and decision specific).

Does she want to go in to a home? Will she accept going in to one?

And "good amount of money" - care homes are £600-£2000 per week depending on where you are in the country. Be careful if you think she will ever need social services help to pay fees, just because she is in a home already doesn't mean theyll agree to fund it or that she needs a home at all.

Feel free to PM me if you want more tailored advice. This is literally my job!

@Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco

Does the GP consider she ‘has capacity’ to make her own decisions about where she wants to live.

Unfortunately GP wouldn't have involvement here. The local authority eg Adult Social Care would be the ones carrying out this capacity assessment.

Do you have dementia advisers where you are? If so, get in touch with them- they can help you look at your mums environment with a fresh pair of eyes and see if there are any dementia specific suggestions they can make for her home to be safer for her. As either a temp solution or a more permanent one. With some good advice and support it may even be possible for her to stay at home a while longer.

If you're arranging your own placement assuming she agrees to go, or assuming she doesn't agree to go but you as LPA feel she does not have capacity and you are making the decision for her in her best interests, perhaps you'd be looking at a residential rather than nursing and maybe somewhere that is dual registered for dementia care so that they can accommodate any needs that may arise either from the environment, or as a progression of her dementia. Also, is she receiving Attendance Allowance, Council tax exemption etc?

But, this being an initial temporary arrangement to see how she gets on is a good idea. Whatever plan you go with, make a back up plan at the same time.

So sorry you and your brother are going through all this..

It was the GP in my mums case. It’s a medical thing rather than a social services thing I thought.

@Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco

It was the GP in my mums case. It’s a medical thing rather than a social services thing I thought.

Capacity is time and decision specific. So a person could have capacity to make decisions about having the covid vaccine but not have capacity to make a decision about carers. A person could have capacity to make the decision at breakfast time but have lost capacity by afternoon.

Capacity can be assessed by anyone, it's dependent on the decision to be made and the circumstances. So for example Barbara in a care home might be going in to the garden on a cold day. She refuses to wear a coat. The carer looking after her can decide if Barbara has the capacity to decide not to wear a coat or if she should be made to wear the coat/ not be let outside. A Dr would do a capacity assessment about a medical treatment. A social worker about care needs. Someone with LPA about a small financial decision for example.

The more complex the decision, the more specialist the assessor needs to be - for really complex decisions you have 2 specially trained professionals do the capacity assessment, usually 1 social worker and 1 Dr.

Some areas have Admiral nurses, supported by Dementia UK and they can talk with you about what your mum might need and how to access those things. The number is 0800 888 6678, or her GP may be able to contact them.